I'm just wondering. I'm new to this whole online thing. I found the forums here quite useful. I'd like to get some advice on my situation.

I met this woman online and we liked each other's profiles. Eventually she gave me her AIM screenname (she said that she was more available on AIM), her e-mail (because it would be easier for me to contact her when she wasn't on AIM - and she'd respond quicker), and her Facebook page (yes, we became Facebook friends) We would chat online every day (if not every other day) - sometimes at work, but more often at night for hours (usually until the early morning). We'd talk about everything, and she's quite funny (at least I could make her laugh in return :) ). I found out we have a LOT in common. Generally, we're the same (personality, etc.). We love the same sports, hobbies, teams, for the most part. She's basically a younger version of me (I'm 26, she's 23). We've been talking for almost a month.

I do have two big problems: a) we're separated by a long distance (which kind of cuts down the opportunities to see each other, considering our schedules), and b) she's had a previous history of meeting "creeps" online (she usually keeps her status on "away" on AIM - although she IMs me and responds to my messages). I could deal with the first one. But the second puts me in a bind. Not only do I have to meet her standards, but I also have to avoid becoming one of those "creeps". I may have passed the "creep" test (by her admission - she told me that she was glad I wasn't one), but it would not be fun to "snatch defeat from the jaws of victory". It's like I'm walking a fine line.

I'll be in her area by June, so I figured I'd get her number around then (and call her for logistics, and to talk of course). I was wondering. Is there anything I'm doing wrong? Would I be too forward by asking for her digits and calling sooner? Is there anything else I need to be worried about? I also want to avoid being "just a friend", I'm interested in more with her. But is there anything more I could do at this point until I actually see her? Bear with me (I know my questions are puerile). But then again, I'm new to this for I've never done online, nor a long-distance like this before.

Any suggestions? Anyone's advice will be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading this.

i would chat with her like usual but at the end give her your number and tell her to txt or call you sometime. that way you don't sound like a "creep" by tryin to get her digits. this will let her decide if she wants to call you or not.

I was thinking along those lines myself. I wanted to do that, but by the time the idea came up, she was preparing for her trip (so I found it pointless to do it then). Either way, she won't be back until next month - she's out of the country. Thanks for your advice (I love the quick response too).

Any more advice would be greatly appreciated.

I think that is good advice. Chances are, if she is still talking to you night after night for hours on end, she doesn't consider you a creep, but is pretty interested as well. June is still quite a ways away- by then she should be able to make up her mind if she wants to meet you or not. Just keep letting her know you are interested without being pushy, and you will be fine.

yes give her your number.... after a month thats plenty of time.... got web cams? if so maybe do that first..... so still meet her as friends..... and after you meet in person a few times then maybe lay the rest on her...

true, I kind of figured June because considering that she'll be gone in April (again out of the country), and I won't be available until June. If what you mean is to basically keep doing what I'm doing, I'll have no problem doing that. If it's anything more I'm clueless. It's not like she's around where could discern quickly. (I mean outside of telling her at some point, I profess "total ignorance"). Even then, I wasn't going to go along that route until I had met her in person. I so want to avoid the "just a friend" status.


Thanks for your response (I'm also happy that my thread was where you first posted :) ).

More advice will be appreciated. I'd love to get different perspectives too.

I was thinking of that, she has one, and I was going to get one (I guess I'd have to now). I was planing to meet her as friends (it would be kind of awkward otherwise). I was pretty much planning to do what you said, my fear was that I'd just be another friend (or even a good friend). But I assume giving her my number would answer that question, no?

No pressure - I like the approach. I'll try it. Thanks for your response too, I really do appreciate it.

More responses would be welcomed too.

Also, we've already talked about that too. I mean, she wants to meet me, and I want to met her. Then again, you never know.

More advice would be appreciated.

Once you have been burned on line it is pretty scary.
The thing that builds trust is consistency and time.

Because most women know that giving out a phone number will virtually unlock and extensive amount of information about them they are not real eager to give you that. Even if you give her your number she has to call you from somewhere. If you have been stalked by phone it is very difficult to get past it.

Since she was not going to be home for a while it makes sense that she would not want to advertise her address.

A month is really not a long time to talk to someone on line. Even if you are talking frequently and many hours. Relax and enjoy the attention.

If it is just friends or a mutual budding romance is hard to tell. It is important for you to be honest about your feelings. Don't over state them or understate them. If you look forward to talking to her tell her. Don't pretend to only think of her as a friend if you are thinking of more.

If you think it is possible that you are going to be in her area I would tell her and see if she asks to meet you. Likely that she will think it is a lie until you give her a flight number to check. Since it is easy to research almost any area with google you might want to suggest meeting at a public but upscale place such as a nice resturant or museum.

I think it is only fair to warn you that if she strings you along a lot longer you might be dissappointed.

Thanks Pacificstar48. I'll keep what you said in mind. Some points though.

a) I have already told her I was coming to her area and we do want to meet each other. There are several ways and even possibilities of my being there. I told her, and early on too. We're going to met as friends, I would want it to be that way. I won't go overboard until well after I see her. She already knows how I am as a person. I'd never tell her something if I wasn't going to do it, and since she's the same way, I have no problem there.

b) By default I have to think of her as a friend. Whether it is a budding romance it is very hard to tell. You are right on there. It's made even worse that we far from each other (if we were in each other's locales, we would have met already).

c) Our communications have not been one-way (if they were, there would be a problem). We usually both have our status as "away" on AIM (mainly to keep other people from IMing us), she sends me messages sometimes to see if I'm there, sometimes I do. She told me that only her close friends and family could IM her while she's "away". She told me that she likes talking to me, and I have told her how much of a pleasure it is talking with her too. This is not a situation where I'm contacting every minute and she responds once to keep my interest, or vice versa.

You point about the phone number is well taken, which is why I wasn't going to ask her immediately for it. She's going to be out of the country again in little more than a month (I'm not including ), and this is a very busy time of the year for her. Frankly she has all the opportunity to blow me off. But when she's not going to be available, she'll tell me beforehand. I do the same. Thanks to those "creeps" she met before, she's not too privy to give out ANY info, e-mail, AIM, or otherwise.

As for my intentions, we met via a DATING site, so by default I would have to be interested in her. I have been upfront with her and we even talked about what we're looking for someone (again, we have the same criteria). I mean we've both been burned before in romance, so we have to trust each other. Thankfully, there's no pretense and I'm pretty ok about this. Unfortunately some people act weirdly if you just tell them outright, and even if you have a lot in common, you have to tread lightly. If she wants to remain friends, its not the end of the world. With her history, 'll have t take my time with her, not because I like the pace, but for her tho throw out her pre-conceived notions.

Thanks for your reply, for I do appreciate it. . Any more advice would be appreciated as well.