"broken is the golden bowl -

the spirit flown forever.

let the bell tell; let no soul flow

upon the Stygian river."

Poe is why i started writing.

i am incapable of respecting coffee houses that don't have booze.

what are your standards?

i meant no direct harm, Lex. "tear me to shreds" is a fairly direct instruction. i know you've written several books and i've read "Peripheral Crow". I know what you are capable of. If it was satirical then I did miss the point.

You posted in a forum created for evisceration and I gave you just that because you are a qualified writer - not because you've published, but because you have something to say, which I feel wasn't communicated in your poetry.

Debate me, demean me, defame me, or just ignore me. Thank you for posting in this forum.

hey, dude - only cops type that poorly on purpose.

those of you who aren't moderators and are under 30 who read this and don't respond are boring.

it's not a personal attack

since you have no personality.

why, thank you, for your input.

it is surprisingly appreciated.

I don't believe you. The emotion of embitterment comes across more sternly than any message you are trying to convey (if any).

'Generalizing, oversimplifying;
You say "I have the answer"'

The greatest poetic lines in your poem, you continue to toy with them until they are almost unrecognizable amongst your ******** writing.

By not continuing the quotable theme of the first stanza you deny the possibility for personal identification to your words. If distance is what you want, then you've succeeded, but that's not what I believe.

Through your individual piece I don't like you enough to trust math equations you complete, whether or not you complete them - I become uninterested. Imagine what the ordinary, uninterested reader will feel.

You have, clearly, enough intelligence to write the ******** poetry you've more than begun to. Do you have the gall to stick to limiting styles?

Your words sing truer than your message, which is an essential **** up.

You've already written four or five books. If you can't write a poem about the girl that broke your heart I'm about to become bored.

Don't get emo. Do me a favor and write it - since you are a writer.

but she would get that west coast ~asterisk~. i don't know if i could handle crop that high in quality.

okay - you win.

i wish i was that rock.

if weed causes panic attacks

is it worth it to smoke?

(just to feel different from the natural emotional scheme [which is what any substance is anyway])

fine. be observant.

i dig redheads.

In the first line "electra" should be capitalized. I think the whole sentence would benefit from ending with a period after "night".

"The righteous ones shy away in their fright" is how I would have written the line. If you don't agree with it - rock n' roll - but that's how I truly feel.

"He thunders into the darkening bend
trails of his dust flying high"

Be more prosaic.

'As he thunders into the dark bend,/ Trails of his dust flying high"

There's a lot of room to move in on that moment. Don't ignore it. It could be the core of the piece.

"He flaunts his freedom in weathered chaps
as he haunts the home of the brave
He smiles behind his shades of glass
because the road to hell is paved."

Come on. You've brought me this far to give up on your own style?

Nothing matches. The piece is incomplete. Knowledge, as was supplied to me, was to rewrite it without a copy and see what you get.

"because the road to hell is paved" has excellent structure and is interesting in its visual nature. Don't quite being brilliant there. You waver off, diminishing the great knock-out of the final stanza, which is necessary.

"as he haunts the home of the brave" may be the truest sentence in the poem, but it doesn't communicate well and it is awkward. There is a lot of potential here for a GREAT (i hate all caps) piece, but it's held back by your personal connection to the lines.

cheers.

Doyle. Holmes.

nobody ever looks in plain sight as they expect that which is important to be hidden.

contemplating is one of my favorite words.

redheads win.

it's nothing to be sorrowful or upset about;

redheads win.

you can continue doing what you were doing. just wanted you to know that.

one of the best pieces, visually, that i've read by you. i have a tendency to edit everything that i read. that's the sarcastic sadist or something in me. interesting ideas in this piece i feel could have been expanded upon or ideas that could have been more decisively rendered. i only comment because i enjoy; otherwise i would leave you a smiley face, brother.

you rock. don't be concerned.

If you're as smart as you tend to write you should be able to juggle impossible allegories with your fantastic stories; instead, left behind, is a chaotic mess with no ending or beginning and not even worthy of the terminology "in medias res".

Do better.

i feel ignored.

this is only child syndrome.

except it's just boredom.

for real - what should i critique?

dig the pic, torgo.

row - you're cooler in focus.