Anger Management –

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

It all started one day when I was sitting at my desk and remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying, "Hello." I politely said, "This is Jim. May I please speak with Robin Carter? "

Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her.

I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're interested in theCaller ID program?"

He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for.

I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me.

I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole, ( I had his number on speed dial ), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" Yes, it is."

Can you tell me where I can see it?"

Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."

What's your name?" I asked.

My name is Don Burgemeyer," he said.

When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

I'm home every evening after five."

Listen,Don, can I tell you something?"

Yes?"

“Don, you're an asshole." Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea.

I called Asshole #1. Hello." You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

Are you still there?" he asked.

Yeah," I said.

Stop calling me," he screamed.

Make me," I said.

Who are you?" he asked.

My name is Don Burgemeyer."

Yeah? Where do you live?"

“Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."

Then I called Asshole #2..

Hello?" he said.

Hello, asshole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are!"

“You'll what?" I said.

“I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street. There I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and a news crew.

NOW, I feel better.

Anger management really works!!!!!

Fight in the pool



A very rich man living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a
party and invited all of his buddies and neighbours.

He also invited Jimmy, the only aboriginal in the
Neighbourhood.
He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his Mansion.

Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns and oysters at the BBQ and flirting.

At the height of the party, the host said, "I have a 15ft
Man-eating Crocodile in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in."
The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud
splash and everyone turned around and saw Jimmy in the pool!

Jimmy was fighting the croc and kicking its ass!

Jimmy was jabbing the croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing
punches, doing all kinds of ch!t, like head butts and chokeholds,
biting the croc on the tail and flipping the croc through the air like
some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere.

Both Jimmy and the croc were screaming and raising hell.

Finally Jimmy strangled the croc and let it float to the top like a
K-mart goldfish.

Jimmy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

Finally the host says, "Well, Jimmy, I reckon I owe you a
Million dollars."

"Nah, you all right, I don't want it," said Jimmy.

The rich man said, "Man, I have to give you something. You Won
the bet.", "How about half a million bucks then?" "No thanks. I don't want it," answered Jimmy.

The host said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something. That
was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?"

Again Jimmy said no. Confused, the rich man asked, "Well
Jimmy, then what do you Want?"

And Jimmy said, I just want the name of the b*#@^d who pushed me in the Pool."





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whats a weekend never heard of that one. lol

Zip, Zero, Nada thing

author

I have never understood why people think the world is round. Look on the maps it is flat

Funeral Co ordinator

you hit the nail on the head there and is an insult to stupid people

thats sick but made my very dull day a good day

I ahve had telemarketers phone work and they have been phoning from India,i live in australia, as we have been told it is cheaper. Would not mind so much if you could understand what they where saying

BHAJJI good he must watch his mouth. The Indians always cry racism, when the show is on the other foot. But i agree BUCKNOR should be dropped he has made to many costly mistakes to both the aussie and indian teams. But the want to put Billy bobcat knucklehead to replace bucknor, they should just leave bucknor in place. They are both as bad as each other. Go Aussie for winning the next test

I find something that always seems to work is after they ask you questions and you anwswer no and keep saying no. When you have said no three times ask them what aprt of NO do you not understand. The N or the O.

Hello every one i am from australia so maybe i should be saying g'day