muhahahahaha

would be better if u post a naked picture.....muhahahaha

You're $hittin' Me!

A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.He marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."The social worker behind the counter said,"Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man whowants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, and he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips and you will have to satisfy her urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The salary is $200,000 a year."The guy, wide-eyed, said, "You're bull$hittin me!"The social worker said, "Yeah, well . . . you started it.

The Why's of Men 1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX? (because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T MEN BLINK DURING SEX? (they don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG? (they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS? (because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapour lock) &nbs p;

(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS? (so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN? (you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN? (don't know....it never happened)

( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)

And the personal favourite:

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH? (because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face

And laughter in your heart...Then you are just an old

sour fart.

The nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to her class one morning and she asked, "When you die and go to Heaven, which part of your body goes first?"Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands." Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?" Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes you hands first."What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.Yep, Little Johnny is in that class, raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your legs."The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your legs?"Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night.Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, "Oh God, I'm coming!"If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die."Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him."Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly."If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?""He said you're going to die," she replied.

A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist.


The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home.



He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.


The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife.



Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"



"The funeral director," said his wife

mirror mirror

internet

ok...a$$...never would have thought of that..thankz

a*s

lol....darn u figured it out

muhahahahaha

i said shush it you

shush it you

heres a tip dont post butterflies like this...)i(

ok over it now