Good point. Lots of hard work.
Mostly I put this in for the humor of it.
Nice to know the hard work behind it.

Jesus was a perfect high priest for us in that he experienced everything we experience. He was not a squeaky clean human being that did not experience/exhibit all the gross facets of humanity that we ourselves exhibit. And the 12 Disciples. They were human too like the rest of us, with desires just like the rest of us. Both Jesus and the Disciples picked their noses, belched, farted, poped each other in the butt with towels, oozed puss, sneezed, peed, did nbr 2, adjusted their privates, had smelly feet, smelly pits, etc. etc. but this is not recorded in the Bible, but that does not mean they didn't. And so we can't assume that some type of sexual activity did not also occur during the years Jesus and his disciples lived in close proximity with one another. And we know women followed along with the 12 and Jesus and looked after their daily needs. One was even a prostitute. They were men just like the rest of us men with natural desires.

One impression of Jesus that we so often carry around in our heads was that he was immaculate in: thought, word, and deed.

i.e. "Oh God, we confess that we have sinned against thee in thought, word, and deed, provoking must justly thy wrath and indignation against us."
a sinner's prayer of repentance. I thought Jesus took God's wrath against us in his own body on a tree/cross?
sounds like God is ready to beat us with a big stick don't it?

Jesus', earthy, worldly, 12 Disciples, must have recited that confession 12 times a day to him. Don't you think? Or perhaps 70 times 7? I'm being facetious.

Because of the way that the Bible has been written, you could even get the impression that the 12 Disciples were immaculate. You don't exactly read any locker room talk going on amongst them. If we were really honest with ourselves, many of us would have to admit that unconsciously, we think Jesus led his 12 Disciples around like a:
12 man, ball and chain gang, and that Jesus was the whip master keeping them in line.

When I was in U.S. Coast Guard Basic Training, Cape May, NJ, my Company marched together in formation wherever we went on the training center campus. If anyone of us had a wandering eye in the process, we heard snapped at us, "EYES IN THE BOAT !!" which meant keep your eyes looking straight ahead. Can you imagine Jesus, out in front, walking backwards to keep an eye on them, marching his 12 Disciples to the Cana wedding, their eyes focused straight ahead, when all of a sudden a pretty girl walks by (married or single they know not) and all heads and eyes turn her direction? Thoughts even go through their minds (and Jesus could read their thoughts).

OH MY GOD!! Would Jesus have come UNGLUED, or what ??
Wouldn't He have popped a major vein in his neck?: facetious again

EYES IN THE BOAT, PHILLIP!! DROP AND GIVE ME 50, THOMAS !!

PETER, SO HELP ME, IF I EVER CATCH YOU LOOKING AT, OR EVEN THINKING ABOUT A WOMAN THAT WAY AGAIN... I'LL... I'LL.. WELL, I JUST WILL !!

Let's Be Real Shall We: Jesus lived in close proximity to his 12 Disciples for years during his earthly ministry. What they did together was probably not that much different than, and just as gross or more gross than, any National Football League Team of males does in the locker room, or off site together - and they have the Media to worry about.

Jesus and His 12 Disciples likely:

Ate together, cooked together, shopped for clothes and groceries together, drank alcohol together, smoked together, washed clothes together, bathed naked together, popped each other's ***** with towels, chewed tabacco together, spit together, changed clothes together, scratched their ***** together, laughed together, pissed together, **** together, wiped their ***** together, belched, farted, and laughed together, bleed, oosed puss, coughed, vomitted, spit, salivated, drooled, hocked lugies, laughed, and picked their noses together, rubbed out the eye gunk each morning, cried together, perspired and stank to high heaven together, perhaps even masturbated together, or even went to see prositutues together, or maybe just had regular girls over for the night (or at least the evening) to play around with together.

Yet very, very, VERY, few of these events are actually recorded in the Bible.
And just because they are not recorded in the Bible, does that mean we can build a theology around this that says that because these things are not recorded in the Bible, they didn't happen? That, somehow, because Jesus was God, that he must have prayed over his Disciples that they (and Himself) be immune from all these unholy, gross facets of human existence, so that they, and Jesus could put their best foot forward and make a good impression for those compiling the Bible for later print?

Many people think of Jesus as being 50% God and 50% human (just the best parts) instead of 100% God and 100% human (including the worst parts).

How can that be though? That's 200%. The answer is that this is an unsolved mystery never to be uncovered in our lifetimes. Just like: How can God be 100% Father, 100% Son, and 100% Holy Spirit? That's 300% God. Perhaps I should have said, Jesus is 300% God, and 100% human? Phillip asked Jesus, "Show us the Father. That is all we need". Jesus said to Phillip in reply, "I have been with you all of this time Phillip, how is it that you ask to see the Father? Believe me when I say that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me. If you have seen me, you have seen the Father." That's 200%. Jesus was conceived by the Holy Ghost. That's 300%.

We have a single verse in the Bible, the shortest one for that matter, which says that, "Jesus wept". Ok, ok, and there is the one also where he spits in his hand, mixes it with dirt to make mud, and rubs it in a blind man's eyes (Jesus, you are soooo gross dude! ), and the one where he sweats drops of blood resisting sin, and of course blood and water pour out his side at his crucifixion when his side is pierced by a Roman soldier's spear.

But does that mean that's all there was to Jesus' bodily excretions?
Could we build a theology around that?

like the Catholic Bishops have built their theology against Premarital Sex around the 6th Commandment and Jesus' commentary on it:

(Do not commit adultery) and Jesus' continued statement regarding the same (But I say to you that whoever even looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart).

Have you ever seen one of those funky pictures that has two ways of looking at it?
For example: there is a picture of an ugly old hag woman that appears obvious, but when you look at it further, perhaps not so intently, but more casually, perhaps leaving and coming back later to look at it again, you then see a picture of a beautiful young woman.

Could the same be true of the Bible verses that the Catholic Bishops have built their anti-Premarital Sex theology on? Perhaps they just see the Ugly Old Hag?

What if what Jesus was really saying was something beautiful like this:
That yes, there was a commandment which said, don't commit adultery (i.e. don't sleep with another man's wife, honor the marriage bed), this you know. But what you don't know is this:

The BAD NEWS, that in order to fullfill God's righteous requirements of that law, you would have to do more than just that. You would have to not even look at a woman or even think of a woman lustfully to keep from breaking that law. The Pharisees think they are going to Heaven because they haven't slept with another man's wife, or broken any other commandment, but the fact is, they, and everyone else in this world, are going to HELL because no one has kept any of the commandments. Not even one!

The GOOD NEWS, then, which I am hear to tell everyone, is that, although you all are not capable of keeping this commandment yourselves, or any commandment for that matter, I have lived a sinless life myself, keeping all the righteous requirements of God's laws, down to the most specific of details, and I am going to die at the hands of evil men, and shed my blood for the whole world's sake, so that God's righteous requirements are fullfilled on everyone's behalf. I do all the suffering, everyone else just believes in their hearts that I was sent from God to save them out of God's own love and mercy alone. You cannot save yourselves. If you believe these things, each of you will go to Heaven for eternity. Or, you can choose (we all have that freedom of choice) to reject ME and try to get to Heaven by keeping God's Laws yourself down to the most minute detail (not even published anywhere in minute detail I might add), which again I tell you, you are incapable of doing.

-- END --

I don't get it?
Why are women so possessed by their butter?

Here is how one American Civil War veteran (Sam Watkins) recollects
his experience with women and their darn butter:

Sam Watkins (A Confederate Soldier) is a guest at supper
at a local civilian home.

Dialog:

The old lady said, "Daughter, hand the gentleman
the butter." It was the first thing that I had refused, and the reason
that I did so was because my plate was full already. Now, there is
nothing that will offend a lady so quick as to refuse to take butter
when handed to you. If you should say, "No, madam, I never eat butter,"
it is a direct insult to the lady of the house. Better, far better,
for you to have remained at home that day. If you don't eat butter,
it is an insult; if you eat too much, she will make your ears burn after
you have left. It is a regulator of society; it is a civilizer; it is
a luxury and a delicacy that must be touched and handled with care and
courtesy on all occasions. Should you desire to get on the good side of
a lady, just give a broad, sweeping, slathering compliment to her butter.
It beats kissing the dirty-faced baby; it beats anything. Too much
praise cannot be bestowed upon the butter, be it good, bad, or
indifferent to your notions of things, but to her, her butter is always
good, superior, excellent. I did not know this characteristic of the
human female at the time, or I would have taken a delicate slice of the
butter. Here is a sample of the colloquy that followed:

"Mister, have some butter?"

"Not any at present, thank you, madam."

"Well, I insist upon it; our butter is nice."

"O, I know it's nice, but my plate is full, thank you."

"Well, take some anyhow."

One of the girls spoke up and said:

"Mother, the gentleman don't wish butter."

"Well, I want him to know that our butter is clean, anyhow."

"Well, madam, if you insist upon it, there is nothing that I love so well
as warm biscuit and butter. I'll thank you for the butter."

I dive in. I go in a little too heavy. The old lady hints in a delicate
way that they sold butter. I dive in heavier. That cake of butter was
melting like snow in a red hot furnace. The old lady says, "We sell
butter to the soldiers at a mighty good price."

I dive in afresh. She says, "I get a dollar a pound for that butter,"
and I remark with a good deal of nonchalance, "Well, madam, it is worth
it," and dive in again.

I did not marry one of the girls.

I like Judges because in Chapters 19-21, for me, is revealed a very unique type of writing perhaps not in any other book of the Bible?.

I see the whole episode of the murdered/raped concubine as a sort of a series of reverse analogies of Christ Jesus the Messiah. Not sure if reverse analogy is the correct term?

Jesus was a heavenly man owned by God who inherited everything from God, whereas an earthly concubine is the exact opposite, an earthly woman, owned by an earthly man, who inherits nothing from her earthly husband.

God sort of threw Jesus out of Heaven and locked the door (like the husband did to his concubine wife) so that Jesus would be ravaged by evil me. God was not concerned (like the husband was not concerned in the story). It was God's plan for Jesus to die this way. Isaiah Chapter 53 says that it pleased God for Jesus to die this way.

The concubine wife being cut up into 12 pieces and sent to the 12 tribes (House of Israel) reminds me of the 12 Apostles cut off from the main vine Jesus after his death.

The killing off of the Benjamite Men/Women/Children by the rest of the House of Israel for having not turned over the rapists/murderers to them, and the subsequent kidnapping of surrogate wives for the surviving Benjamite men to continue the clan, reminds me of the Gentile Churches headed by the Apostle Paul, A true Benjamite himself.

The story mentions Bethlehem, a virgin, a donkey, straw, no room at the inn, and other details reminiscent of the virgin birth of Jesus.

Also, why would 65,000 Israelites have to die to avenge for the death of 1 concubine wife? Seems odd. Yet, it was not that the many died for Jesus, but rather Jesus instead died for the many.

The following two poems
by Siamese_Charlie, age 53, Dallas, Texas

1. Semper Paratus, Always Ready

If at sea and you capsize
There's one thing to realize.
Coast Guard's ready in the air
To pick you up because they care.

Saving lives, well that's their game.
That's how Coast Guard gained its fame.
Reuniting families.
They're the lifesavers of the seas.

Coast Guard cutters are so fine.
Cruis'n on at double time.
Push'n on through raging seas.
Bring'n the enemy to their knees.

'Round the world and back again.
Coast Guard cutters are your friend.
Always ready to protect.
Coast Guard cutters got respect.

I don't know but it's been said
A Coast Guard cutter has never fled.
Druggies and Terrorists best beware.
Our Coasties are your worst nightmare.


2. Polar Eclipse

The silky moon floats patiently
Beyond northern lights crossed.
Planets wait elsewhere tonight.
Heaven wouldn't touch anything.

And ice caps glisten
While polar bears listen
For seal movements under the floes.

And Eskimos cuddle
While musk-ox huddle
For temperatures approach 50 below.

And aurora australis
Shows similar prowess.
Emperor penguins sleep all in a row.

The silky moon floats patiently
Beyond southern lights crossed.
Planets wait elsewhere tonight.
Heaven wouldn't touch anything.

Back in February of 2003 I ran across a VHS copy of a Bigfoot movie "Sasquatch" and watched it several times. Soon after, I was passing by downtown Dallas and caught glimpse of an ape-like apparition weathered onto the top floor fire escape door of the West End Marketplace historical building. It probably can be seen to this very day, although I have not passed by for awhile. Anyway, Soon after this the Iraq War started on March 19, of 2003. I was infuriated at the President!! One year later March 18, 2004 on the eve of the 1 year anniverary of the Iraq War (Decapitation strike upon Saddam Hussein with 2000 pound bunker busting bombs), there is an incident at the Dallas Zoo. JABARI, the 300 pound gorilla is shot down by Dallas police after amazingly escaping his wildscape enclosure after being harrassed by teens throwing rocks at him. Dallas police had trained for such escapes with Zoo officials and were supposed to take a back seat, but police, armed with high powered rifles, took complete control with deadly force, bypassing Zoo protocol.
BIGFOOT can mean to exert one's authority over.
George W. Bush bypassed U.N. protocol lanuching a unilateral attack upon Saddam Hussein/Iraq.

Upon returning to school in the Fall, a science teacher asks her class if anyone learned anything that Summer about Astronomy (the hot topic to start off the new school year). One smart *** student raises his hand and is called upon to stand up:

"I did !!" , he says excitedly, as if what were coming had been planned out way in advance.

"I was watching this science program on TV one night and learned that Asteroids come from Mars. Next night, I'm watching TV again, and scratching my ***, when this commercial comes on.

They say that Hemorrhoids come from Uranus. So I think to myself,

'Oh?, learn something new about Astronomy every day.'"

My hand at sitcom writing. Siamese_Charlie, age 53, Dallas, TX

Jerry, George, and Kramer" (of Seinfeld Fame) were getting ready for a 3-on-3 basketball tournament.

No, this is not an analogy for 3-on-3 sex. Unless you want it to be?

Kramer finds, in a free local paper that Newman gave him, an ad circled for basketball lessons - at a reasonable rate.

Kramer calls the guy and shows up at what turns out to be a cruddy little half court, cement court, with a hoop and no net, next to a Taco Bell fast food restaurant. The guy is like 5 foot nothing tall, and doesn't look in that great of shape.

Kramer is all over this guy, stealing the ball, making one lay-up after another over the guy. Kramer has enough of this tomfoolery and calls it quits. The guy wants payment. Kramer can't believe it. Kramer negotiates and it is decided that Kramer will buy the guy lunch at Taco Bell.

The guy wants Kramer to order it and pay for it at the drive-thru window. Kramer pulls out a big bag of change and drops it all over the ground and people are honking their horns behind him.

Kramer goes home and tells George, and of course George has to see this for himself. George calls the guy and meets him at the court. George is all over the guy, stealing the ball, making one lay-up after another over the guy. George calls it quits. The guy wants payment. George negotiates and decides he will buy the guy lunch at Taco Bell. The guy tells George to order and pay for it at the drive-thru window. George squints. Pauses. Looks down. Then says meakly through closed lips, "Al-rright".

Finally, Jerry has to see this for himself. Jerry meets up with the guy and the guy is all over Jerry, stealing Jerry's ball, making one lay-up after another against Jerry. Jerry pays the guy full price, but asks for an explanation as to how his friends George and Kramer walked all over him on the court. The guy replies,

"I wanted Taco Bell. Now I need a good steak."

The guy immediately turns and walks off with the money leaving Jerry with his hands raised above his waist, palms out and up, thinking,

"What planet is that guy from?"

Newman pulls up, reaches across to open the passenger door, the guy gets in, Newman looks at Jerry through open window, waves, says,

"Bye Jerry. Thanks for dinner. " [followed by Newman's evil style of laughter]

"NEWMAN ! ! " Jerry exclaims. [end of show music kicks in]

-- end --

There the Blue Jay sits
Upon a branch
Hoping for life's answers
Waiting for some chance

When it's not too long
Before fate arrives
As an infamous Hawk
With stealy gray eyes

Now pinned against
A willow branch
By awesome talons
Which tear a trench

Reducing his back
To a hollow shell
Making life miserable
So that nothing is well

He drags himself
To highest branch
A last ditch effort
One final chance

To show his God
He kept the faith
Fought the good fight
Finished the race.

With chest stuck out
And head held high
Wings outstretched
And a final goodbye

The Blue Jay launches
Into midair
Falling to the ground
Without further a care.

by Siamese_Charlie age 53 Dallas,TX

On again, off again
On again, off again
Oh leopard of the jungle
You light the eerie night forest
By your firefly performance.

There's a roaring in the jungle
But from whence I cannot tell
The flickering which showed your presence
Has been replaced as well

I fear this dreadful bellowing
Edging closer and closer now
Is not a sign of mellowing
But a lion's hungry growl.

by Siamese_Charlie age 53 Dallas, Texas

A new guy walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The sexy female bartender asks him if she can start a tab.
"No thanks. I didn't bring any credit cards" he replies.
"Well??" she thinks.
"Do you have anything I can hold?"