So again I realized my selfishness. Instead to be grateful for all the joy and happiness which I have received, I´m lingering in my previous wounds and self-pity. I once read a Native American proverb: "Do not judge a man until you've walked three days in his moccasins." How wise. And how difficult. Because when one feels pain or uneasiness, the easiest is to point on a culprit different than we are. But we do not know what's on the other side, we do not know what is in the other person what pain there is, what wounds... Maybe such that we ourselves would never be able to bare. How easily we are able to hurt the people around us by our distrust or our own ego. My Mom once told me the story: "One man was very dissatisfied with his life. He begged God to give him an easier life. God said to him: Everyone must have a cross. But if you want, you may change yours for some other, lighter. The man went, trying the weights of crosses and, after a long, very long search, chose the one that seemed the easiest. When he gave a closer look, he saw that it was his own cross."

I wonder what God sees when He watches us. What would be left of us, if we could see ourselves naked, without all of our strictly protected towers and walls that we build around ourselves? If we would, despite of all our fears (because everything comes from fear) remain completely defenseless? And if we could look at each other just the same? Maybe we would see each other in a completely different way. Maybe we would see that we are not that different. That the other person who is hurting others so much and is full of resentment, just can´t cope with their wounds and pain. Once, while I was working in a nursing home, there was one lady who liked nobody, treated others in a very bad way, me too. At one point, she had open door of her room, and I saw her sitting on the bed, crying. I ran over to her and knelt at her feet and asked her what had happened. And through her tears she told me that her children always come to visit her only to take money from her when she gets her social security, she was full of pain. So I stayed with her until she calmed down, I couldn´t do much for her, but I was there, stroking her hand and listened to her. The next day, she was completely different person, welcomed me, even saved donuts from her breakfast for me. Her demeanor completely changed.

It took me a very long time before I understood the difference: love the sinner and hate the sin, love the man although you disagree with his behavior. And this understanding is a comfort for me. Because who among us is perfect and does not make mistakes? We all need forgiveness, mercy, compassion and understanding. Who among us does not contain within themselves all good, but also all bad? And often we are on shaky legs when deciding what to choose, sometimes we are not even aware of the ways how we hurt the others.

We call for justice and always have it on our lips. But I am grateful that mercy exists...