Senator Hillary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of The
American Indian nation two weeks ago in upper New York State ...She
spoke for almost an hour on her future plans for increasing every Native
American's present standard of living, should she one day become the
first female President.

She referred to her career as a New York Senator, how she had signed
"YES" for every Indian issue that came to her desk for approval.
Although the Senator was vague on the details of her plan, she seemed
most enthusiastic about her future ideas for helping her "red sisters
and brothers".

At the conclusion of her speech, the Tribes presented the Senator with a
plaque inscribed with her new Indian name - Walking Eagle. The proud
Senator then departed in her motorcade, waving to the crowds.

A news reporter later inquired of the group of chiefs of how they had
come to select the new name given to the Senator.

They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of
**** it can no longer fly.

Prior to her trip to Texas , Buffy (a New Yorker), confided to her
co-workers she had three goals for her trip to the Lone Star State :

1. She wanted to taste some real Texas Bar-B-Que.
2. She wanted to take in a bona fide rodeo. And..
3. She wanted to have sex with a real cowboy.

Upon her return, the girls were curious as to how she fared.

"Let me tell you, they have a tree down there called a Mesquite and
when they slow cook that brisket over that Mesquite, it's ooooh good.
The taste is unbelievable!

"And I went to a real rodeo. Talk about athletes...those guys wrestle
full grown bulls! They ride horses at a full gallop, then jump off the
horses and grab the bull by the horns and throw them to the ground! It
is just incredible!"

They then asked, "Well tell us, did you have sex with a real cowboy?"

"Are you kidding? When I saw the outline of the condom they carry in
the back pocket of their jeans, I changed my mind!"

President Bush, First Lady Laura and **** Cheney were
flying on Air Force One. George looked at Laura, chuckled and said,"You
know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make
somebody very happy."

Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could
throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy."

Cheney added, "That being the case, I could throw
one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very
happy."

Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes
and said to his co-pilot,"Such big-shots back there. Hell, I could throw
all of them out of the window and make 56 million people very happy."

Sorry Crasher, I disagree.

please don't judge us all beacuse of one bad seed. There is a "Few good
men" out there yet. No worries sweetheart. He is on his way. Just a
little slow like most of us.

I just wanna say, that out of all the dating sites that I have used.
This is by far the best. I cannot believe the quality of people that are
here. I so far have met alot of awesome folk and hope to meet more. With
being a single guy, I already know I can sign on here and not feel
alone. I sincerely hope everyone else is getting the welcome here as I
have. You guys ROCK! Thanks.....
Brett

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE


THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you r earrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE


ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE


AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay
too much time on their hands! (Probably a son-in-law)

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, " Have you been in the service?"

Yes," he says. "I was in the armed forces for three years"

The interviewer says, "That will give you extra points
toward employment" and then asks, "Are you disabled in any
way?"

The guy says, "Yes, 100%. A mortar round exploded near me
and blew my testicles off."

The interviewer tells the guy, " O.K. I can hire you right
now. The hours are from 8:00 A M. to 4:00 P.M. You can
start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00A.M. "

The guy is puzzled and says, "If the hours are from 8:00
A.M. to 4:00 P.M., then why do you want me to come in at
10:00 AM ?"

This is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the
first two hours we stand around scratching our balls. No
point in you coming in for that."

Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use. The best way to stop
using so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! There
would be 11 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would
come
down, bring our troops home from Iraq to guard the border. When they
catch
an illegal immigrant crossing the border, hand him a canteen, rifle
and some ammo and ship him to Iraq . Tell him if he wants to come to
America then he must serve a tour in the military. Give him a soldier's
pay
while he's there and tax him on it. After his tour, he will be allowed
to
become a citizen since he defended this country. He will also be
registered
to be taxed and be a legal patriot. This option will probably deter
illegal
immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Iraq and the
aliens trying to make a better life for themselves. If they refuse to
serve,

ship them to Iraq anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo. Problem
solved

I'm in tears!

I don't know if there are any other joecartoon fans here but this is a
definite share!

http://www.joecartoon.com/pages/gerbilbar_anim

ENJOY

Now thats funny as hell!!

they get sent to me terisa, I try to share the good ones

Miracle of Toilet Paper----- Fresh from my shower, I stand in front
of the
mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.
Instead of
characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically
comes up with a
suggestion. If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a
piece of
toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."
Willing to
try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of
the mirror,
rubbing it between my breasts. "How long will this take?" I asked.
"They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies. I
stopped. "Do you
really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every
day
will make my breasts larger over the years?" Without missing a beat
he says,
"Worked for your butt, didn't it?" He's still alive and with a great
deal of therapy, he may even walk again. Stupid, stupid man

After a long night of making love to his new girlfriend, Fred
notices
a photo of a man on her bedside table.At first,he really didn't give
it
much thought; she had never mentioned it so why should he.
But after a month or so he begins to stress about it; even imagining
the photo is staring at him doing the deed .
It was causing him so much anxiety that he finally decides ask about
it.

"Is this your ex-husband?" he nervously asks.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Another boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be
reassured.
"No, no, no!!!" she answers.
"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.


"That's me before the surgery."

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed,
observing his wife turning back and forth,
looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off,
he asked what she'd like to have for
her Birthday.

I'd like to be six again, she replied,
still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early,
made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms,
and then took her to Six Flags theme park.
What a day!

He put her on every ride in the park; the Death
Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster
Roller Coaster... everything there was. Five hours
Later they staggered out of the theme park. Her
head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where he
ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries
and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop,
and her favorite candy, M&M's.
What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her
husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and
lovingly asked, Well Dear, what was it like being six again ??

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

I meant my Dress Size, you dumb ass !!


The moral of the story: Even when a man is
listening, he is going to get it wrong.

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. bag of coffee,
And 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a
drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of
the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk
calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued
by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at
her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her
selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said: "Well, you know what,
you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."

Well, if ever given the chance. I would definitely take you up on that
offer. That kind of power would be like Christmas to me. Thanks

Well, if ever given the chance. I would definitely take you up on that
offer. That kind of power would be like Christmas to me. Thanks

Well, if ever given the chance. I would definitely take you up on that
offer. That kind of power would be like Christmas to me. Thanks