OK I gave an example. Never did I say you should or you have to put a restraining order on this boy. That was what my mother chose to do with an 18 year old who was dating a 14 year old. She gave us the chance to stop it and we both ignored her so she took that extra step. I dont even know if they would put a restraining order on a 12 year old child....

As a parent you do have the right to what she does and does not do. You can allow this to continue if you choose. You can take away the priviledges she has that allows her to talk to this boy. If she sneaks and gets caught you can ground her. In the end it is your choice how you handle this situation.

I have an idea

For what it's worth, as I am not a parent...



But how about you cut a deal with her?

If you catch her sneaking around. Or lying, or doing things that you and she both know are wrong and underhanded, she is then going to be without every priviledge she ever had

Even to go so far as you broke the rules, you no longer make SMALL decisions such as what clothes to buy, bring bagged lunches YOU make to school, homework times, going over to friends' houses, all that stuff she takes for granted will be GONE because she disrespected you and your rules. No phone calls that you aren't listening in to, no internet time that you aren't sitting right there with her. Whatever it takes for her to know that putting a toe out of line will make you her worst nightmare!


Invite him over for supper, and tell her it's a one time shot--if he screws up, thats it. No more coming over. EVER.

IMO dating age is older than 12. I don't know if they have gone on dates, but it's not uncommon for kids that age to "date" with a parent in attendance. It seems backwards, but maybe if they (under supervision) see each other more, they will like each other less, and eventually drift apart? Absence may be making the young hearts' grow fonder...

Encourage her to be involved in after school activities where she can meet a large variety of people, maybe to reinforce in her mind that she has a large selection out there for young romances...

What I wonder is, how she got this into her head that she needs to reform this boy and mold him into something that everyone loves? And what is this going to do to this poor boy if he turns into something everyone ELSE wants, but isn't true to himself? He is a tender developmental age, and to have people saying do this not that and cry and yell at him to punish him may be more damaging than anyone could realise...

I DO wish you luck with this, it is a sticky situation for sure!

You are doing the right thing IMO of NOT laughing at her and minimising your perception of her feelings, diminishing them in your eyes do you know what I mean? Being open with you about her feelings for this boy means you have done right so far in raising her to TRUST you...That doesn't happen NEAR often enough so kudos to you! Parents to make their children feel silly and that their emotions are beneath "normal" people's notice due to age/maturity levels should be kicked, and then have the same thing happen to them, see how it feels!

Oh and that "she needs a parent--not a friend" saying? Drives me nuts. If more kids felt like their parent WAS a friend TOO...more bonding and trust would happen, and far less rebellion and problems.