Topic: I was wrong...
transientmind's photo
Sun 04/15/07 10:27 PM
...I CAN be embarrassed...
I wrote this when I was 13…I dug it up after writing “Burdens of the
Empty.”

Note that inside my notebook flyleaf is this prophetic Iambic:

Timeline
For embarrassment in times ahead
Here are some poems that I wrote
Here for a future shade of red
Are rhymes in word, meter and note

**
Empty on the Outside

Whisper why the world is dead
The darkness spinning in your head
Wind you up and off you go
But why you run, you’ll never know

…And you feel there’s nothing outside of you
…And I feel there’s nothing inside of you
…And you’ll know forever
This is where I’ll stay
‘Cause when we’re together
It all goes away

Wonder why the world is cold
You cut the very hands you fold
Pray to something in the sky
Pray in wonder, wonder why

…And you see nothing inside of you
But I know there’s nothing outside of you
And you’ll know forever
This is where I’ll stay
‘Cause when we’re together
It all goes away

I see something, something sane
I see the truth in what you feign
I see the truth you wish you had
I see the good in all the bad
Nothing’s yours, it’s all for sale
You try for love but always fail

I’m empty on the outside
There’s nothing left that’s real
You’re empty on the outside
And I know how you feel
I feel….
Nothing!
Blue sky is ripped away
All the evil, disguised in shades of grey
An’ you push me- to live another day
But it’s so empty on the outside, so never go away…

bibby7's photo
Sun 04/15/07 10:29 PM
Hey, Jon!! Cool write, man!!drinker

transientmind's photo
Sun 04/15/07 10:35 PM
Thanks Bibbybigsmile

Landwave's photo
Sun 04/15/07 10:47 PM
OK TM......I can bring out the embarrassment too.

Somphmore Year.....and VERY Sophmoronic

Halorn
-----------

It's been understood
That you're just too good
Too hang out with hoodlums
Who live in the street
You're really that frightened
But you'll be enlightened
When we reach to put our
Shoes on your feet

Because you're haughty and rude
The picture of prude
No time for the sinners
With your nose to the sky
Though you dismiss the crude
Your purity's subdued
By streetwise dark figures
With contemptuous scorns

The question is whether
You'll replace lace with leather
And trade in your halos
For Horns

Joel '84

Oh and PS. Everyone...............


HAVE A *****EN SUMMER!

transientmind's photo
Sun 04/15/07 10:52 PM
Lotsa hoodlums in Kansas?

'84... I was learning to talk.

transientmind's photo
Sun 04/15/07 10:54 PM
Oh, and you have a *****IN summer too.

Landwave's photo
Sun 04/15/07 10:55 PM
Sometimes I was pretending I couldn't.

Yep, sometime prey to the virtues(?) of "Cool".

transientmind's photo
Sun 04/15/07 11:01 PM
'Fraid I was too schooled for cool.

<<<Nerd from birth.

My first memory was taking apart a rubix cube...my dad freaked because
it wasn't his (friends house.)

Landwave's photo
Sun 04/15/07 11:16 PM
laugh laugh laugh laugh

joe1973's photo
Mon 04/16/07 12:38 AM
landwave your poem SHOULD have been posted seperate.but hey please
remember that for future ref.transient,yours is so true that i shivered
a little when i read it.keep 'em comin' man.

Landwave's photo
Mon 04/16/07 01:16 AM
Shoulds should not be stated by the subjective
because it is well known what opinions are like
but hey, remember that next time.

transientmind's photo
Mon 04/16/07 02:18 AM
Thanks Joe, appreciate the feedback





Um, Landwave's cool

sweetcountrygirl's photo
Mon 04/16/07 08:11 AM
Both are great poems, especially remembering they are from your
youth...Oh, what memories...:smile: :smile: :smile: