I took my girlfriend round to see my family today.

My wife went f***ing mental.





My girlfriend pulled up a chair earlier and said, "We need to talk about our future."

I said, "Yeah, it's gonna be cool - we'll have flying cars, shiny silver suits, holidays on the moon!"

I'm now single.






My girlfriend dumped me last week just after I broke my wrist.

Right when I needed her the most!




Before we broke up, my last girlfriend screamed at me, "I never want to see you again!"
So I replaced her eye drops with battery acid.




My girlfriend told me yesterday, "You only ever hear what you want to hear!"

"Thank you," I replied. "I have been working out."





I told my girlfriend that sex might be more exciting if she got a Brazilian.

Now she's shagging a guy called José.

not funny at all sorry dude.

No need to apologise

boreing....................

i reckon theyre funny