Of course she doesn't, SH, and good morning to you, too!

GEHC, I wasn't nitpicking at you personally...lots of people use the
term "mistake" when referring to such things.

hey jean..want to make a mistake..haha

using drinking sounds like an excuse to me. If it happened once it very
well may happen again.
I'd be questioning the committment in this marriage.

omg^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

haha

i wouldlisten then tell her she needs to let her concience be her
guide..

Davinci,

Did your daughter come to you for advice or was this weighing so hard on
her mind that she felt she needed to talk about it with one person who
loved her and wouldn't judge her?

The way you say you have a deep relationship with your daughters seems
to me like she feels "safe" telling you this. Some people would go to a
friend or a sibling, but you are foremost in her thoughts... She may
have just needed to get this off her chest, a secret like that can be
almost unbearable.

My opinion is for you to take her confession and tuck it away. She said
she is sorry about it and she may very well be. But if you issue advice
when it wasn't asked for, she might feel like you are disappointed with
her and then depression will set in.

Just be there for her and for your grandkids, should anything come to
happen to her marriage.

yeah eileen..she just wanted to tell someone...but I was the only one
she trusted..
of course she knows that I never interfer in her relationships ..unless
there is
abuse involved....

She knows I wouldnt judge her for being human & making mistakes...as
long
as she admits to it & learns from it...

One never wants secrets in a marriage..but realistically what do we
expect from
young people that get married and have 60 plus years ahead of them with
the
same person...It was a while back...since then she has quit the job and
moved on..
so that is not an issue anymore...

when you think of all the things that can go wrong in a life
together..illness, death,
financial disaster...then one night of too much drinking & a mistake is
not an earth
shattering thing to me...

it all comes down to context doesn't it? here we have pany points of
view, all of which have a value

how fortunate that life is not black and white!

many of the same posters have stated fervently, their intolerance for
'cheating'

i have always questioned this concept...if one 'cheats' AT ALL, it is
themselves, it's the confrontation with their conditioning against their
authentic self, and when the conditioning crumbles (as well it should),
one feels they've commited a horrible crime, when actually the crime
lives in the way we have structured our belief systems based on our
cultural and religious concepts....our attachment to organized concepts,
( the operative word being attachment )

ok ok i know this is a huge area of influence, but there are cracks and
lifestyles are certainly evolving and we have a choice to integrate more
interesting ways of looking at "marriage" commitment, responsibility,
balance and harmony...AND AT THE SAME TIME LAY THE CARDS OPENLY AND
HONESTLY ON THE TABLE and have a creative dialogue...


this is not just an ideal...i have friends in committed relationships,
that have other lovers, and they all know each other....have worked out
how they participate for a greater whole, with respect towards what
works in their lives...again CONTEXT


all i can say is design your life!
don't let her feel dirty for being bound by her conditioning

maybe support her talent for' interior design'

bla8ant...couldnt agree with you more...and like all things in a
relationship it always
seems to come down to communication...we create borders for
relationships in the
hope of controlling it...when actually we should do away with borders to
allow a
more realistic growth..both personally as well as a partnership...but
those borders
are hard to move because they have social and religious underpinnings
that do
not allow much flexiblility...

Having said that I am not encouraging or endorsing open marriages per
se, although
I would probably function very well in it...

Still...I am a lucky man in that my daughter can even approach me with
such a
difficult situation....

yep....




wanna donut?

that'll mix well with the 12 herbs I take in the morning..yum yum..
my yogurt also...

Pucks, I totally agree with you.

Lots of wisdom in this thread.....

Oceans

Lots of judgement also

i believe everything surfaces to the top eventually!!
that is why i believe you should always tell the truth!

You should tell your spouse. The lies that come from keeping secrets
often hurt worse than the secret itself. The best thing that can be done
is to talk to your spouse and figure out why this kind of thing happened
and if the relationship is strong enough to get through it.