Topic: lost love
chrishood97's photo
Sat 07/16/11 12:20 AM
Edited by chrishood97 on Sat 07/16/11 12:38 AM
wanna see what yall think of this poorly written poem My love for you burns deep within my eternal soul like a flame. My love burns brighter than the sun shing down upon the spring flowers . The beauty of these flowers pale in comparison to the beauty of just simply your smile . Fore your overall as well as internal beauty is far greater than that of any creature to have ever walked the face of the earth or heavens above . I miss being near you just as the sun misses the flowers in the winter . Without you in my life my soul lies cold as the flowers under new fallen snow longing for the warmth of the sun just as I long for your loveing embrace. The pain and loneliness this causes has shatterd my heart into tiny shards so tiny they could pass thru the eye of a needle . I truly hope the pain will end someday so that my soul shall find peace fore without my heart I feel as if I am nothing without you in my life

Chrispm84's photo
Sat 07/16/11 12:45 AM
Edited by Chrispm84 on Sat 07/16/11 12:46 AM
I can't tell... Poetry is half wording and half visuals. Some put more into one than the other, but when you put it all like that I have no idea where it begins and where it ends. I'm not saying that it has to follow the rules of stanzas, but you should try to break it up, so that the reader knows where and when you want him/her to change their focus.

For a good example of a poem that's ALL about visuals, well mostly...

http://livingpoetry.blogspot.com/2004/12/eecummings.html

One of my favorites, actually. It gets sadder the more you read it.

mig25's photo
Sat 07/16/11 05:24 AM
I agree Chrispm84 though I believe what you're trying to say is beautiful

laura329's photo
Sat 07/16/11 12:52 PM
I think it's wonderful that you are expressing your feelings and that is never bad.

Chrispm84's photo
Mon 07/18/11 02:03 AM
Please, don't think I was trying to say that it was a bad poem. That's not what I meant, at all. What I meant, was that I tried to read it, but felt that reading that way, just wouldn't do it justice. I figured I'd wait for a edit by the poster, then read it. So no, I'm not saying it's a bad poem at all. From what I did read, it seems to be pretty good.