i got this from a member on here so i thought i would share


FOLLOW THESE 14 SIMPLE TESTS BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO HAVE CHILDREN:

Test 1

Women: to prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and stick a
beanbag down the front. Leave it there for 9 months. After 9 months
remove 5% of the beans.

Men: to prepare for paternity, go to a local chemist, tip the contents
of your wallet onto the counter and tell the pharmacist to help himself.
Then go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to
their head office. Go home. Pick up the newspaper and read it for the
last time.

Test 2

Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their
methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance
levels and how they have allowed their children to run wild. Suggest
ways in which they might improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet
training, table manners and overall behavior. Enjoy it. It will be the
last time in your life that you will have all the answers.

Test 3

To discover how the nights will feel:

1. Walk around the living room from 5 pm to 10 pm carrying a wet bag
weighing approximately 4 - 6 kg, with a radio turned to static (or some
other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.

2. At 10 pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to
sleep.

3. Get up at 12 pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1 am.

4.Set the alarm for 3 am.

5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2 am and make a cup of
tea.

6. Go to bed at 2.45 am.

7. Get up again at 3 am when the alarm goes off.

8. Sing songs in the dark until 4 am.

9. Put the alarm on for 5 am. Get up when it goes off.

10. Make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years.

LOOK CHEERFUL.


Test 4

Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems:

1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag.

2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hang
out.

3. Time allowed for this: 5 minutes.

Test 5

Forget the BMW and buy a practical 5 door wagon. And don't think that
you can leave it out on the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars
don't look like that.

1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.

2. Leave it there.

3. Get a coin. Insert it into the cd player.

4. Take a box of chocolate biscuits; mash them into the back seat.

5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Test 6

Get ready to go out

1. Wait

2. Go out the front door

3. Come back in again

4. Go out

5. Come back in again

6. Go out again

7. Walk down the front path

8. Walk back up it

9. Walk down it again

10. Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.

11. Stop, inspect minutely and ask at least 6 questions about every
piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way.

12. Retrace your steps

13. Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the
neighbors come out and stare at you.

14. Give up and go back into the house.

15. You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a
walk.

Test 7

Repeat everything you say at least 5 times.

Test 8

Go to the local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can
find to a pre-school child. A full-grown goat is excellent. If you
intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat.

Buy your weeks groceries without letting the goat(s) out of your sight.
Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily
accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Test 9

1. Hollow out a melon

2. Make a small hole in the side

3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it side to side

4. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to spoon them into
the swaying melon while pretending to be an aeroplane.

5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.

6. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on
the floor.

7. You are now ready to feed a 12-month old child.

Test 10

Learn the names of every character from the Wiggles, Barney,
Teletubbies and Disney. Watch nothing else on television for at least 5
years.

Test 11

Can you stand the mess children make? To find out:

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains

2. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.

3. Stick your fingers in the flower beds and then rub them on clean
walls.

4. Cover the stains with crayon.

5. How does that look?

Test 12

Make a recording of someone shouting "Mummy" repeatedly. Important: no
more than a 4 second delay between each Mummy - occasional crescendo to
the level of a supersonic jet if required. Play this tape in your car,
everywhere you go for the next 4 years. You are now ready to take a long
trip with a toddler.

Test 13

Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually
tug on your shirt hem or shirt sleeve while playing the Mummy tape
listed above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult
while there's a child in the room.

Test 14

Put on your finest work attire. Pick a day on which you have an
important meeting. Now:

1. Take a cup of cream and put 1 cup of lemon juice in it

2. Stir

3. Dump half of it on your nice silk shirt

4. Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture

5. Attempt to clean your shirt with the same saturated towel

6. Do not change, you have no time.

7. Go directly to work

You are now ready to have kids. ENJOY!!!

Thats a fact an its funny .thats a responsibility itself no thankyou .

Ah Those were the days lol. Thanks for reminding me why it is great to be in my 50's

lol. clever

Well, you just changed my mind!

To Late.....
I have 4 wonderful, Beautiful, Educated Children