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| Topic: The 90 day rule according to Steve Harvey. | |
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When it comes to dating, I make my own rules....some are for fun while others are the real deal...If i want some, i get some...if i am devoted I will play it by ear...
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However the last first date i had i did not kiss her when i could have. As i told her "I am not looking to define a moment, i will know because the moment will define itself." And this i believe.  She prolly thought you were gay. js.  Prolly, you know some women aren't use to a man showing respect like that. Did i mention i gave her dozen roses and open doors? Just being me.  Wait, do you mean you think she did think you were gay? Truly, I think youre grand, sir, so I hope you did not think I was insulting you. Really, if you dont make a move on the first few dates, a girl typically thinks youre not interested. More specifically, not attracted. Friend zone. And we're not talking about groping, or sex...just a kiss. A kiss is not a show of disrespect unless its a tonsilectomy by tongue. Hmm. Even then its not really disrespect rather, forwardness. Nah i did not take your comment serious. See there are factors that go beyond the "first date" that are being over looked or just not discussed. Just because i told her when the moment comes we would know that alone was the first hint at another time in the future. So For a first date you need to be communicating. This can be in many forms but it would stand to reason the date was a local one not an online one (Someone in another state or city) which would then tell me there is probably some phone conversing going on. So just because i did not kiss her when the first chance arose, did not mean i wasn't interested. In fact i think it would send a message of we have another date to come, as well as more communicating to go through. As for making a move, i can show interest with out having to touch a woman.  Whole lot of methods for having a great time and keeping some one interested in you and wanting to know more .
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Edited by
exxman
on
Mon 08/15/11 05:20 PM
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I wonder how often the anticipation of sex is better than the sex itself..... I get a thrill out of all the non sexual stuff, like kissing, hugging, fondling, and even talking about our interests sexually , those are nice fillers that show interest without having to go 'all the way' with anyone,,, Or the anticipation of that moment where the sparks (Safe to guess you have a spark or you would not be there) become fireworks. *Waves* 
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I wonder how often the anticipation of sex is better than the sex itself..... I get a thrill out of all the non sexual stuff, like kissing, hugging, fondling, and even talking about our interests sexually , those are nice fillers that show interest without having to go 'all the way' with anyone,,, Or the anticipation of that moment where the sparks (Safe to guess you have a spark or you would not be there) become fireworks. *Waves* If it's a first date, I don't think it's safe to assume there are sparks already. Isn't that what the date is to find out? |
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However the last first date i had i did not kiss her when i could have. As i told her "I am not looking to define a moment, i will know because the moment will define itself." And this i believe. She prolly thought you were gay. js. Prolly, you know some women aren't use to a man showing respect like that. Did i mention i gave her dozen roses and open doors? Just being me. Wait, do you mean you think she did think you were gay? Truly, I think youre grand, sir, so I hope you did not think I was insulting you. Really, if you dont make a move on the first few dates, a girl typically thinks youre not interested. More specifically, not attracted. Friend zone. And we're not talking about groping, or sex...just a kiss. A kiss is not a show of disrespect unless its a tonsilectomy by tongue. Hmm. Even then its not really disrespect rather, forwardness. Nah i did not take your comment serious. See there are factors that go beyond the "first date" that are being over looked or just not discussed. Just because i told her when the moment comes we would know that alone was the first hint at another time in the future. So For a first date you need to be communicating. This can be in many forms but it would stand to reason the date was a local one not an online one (Someone in another state or city) which would then tell me there is probably some phone conversing going on. So just because i did not kiss her when the first chance arose, did not mean i wasn't interested. In fact i think it would send a message of we have another date to come, as well as more communicating to go through. As for making a move, i can show interest with out having to touch a woman. Whole lot of methods for having a great time and keeping some one interested in you and wanting to know more . I was serious, I just meant I meant no disrespect to you over it. I must say, while I respect that, I still feel like a guy isnt attracted with no touching. Even a shoulder nudge, or something. I broke up with someone because he never touched me, so I didnt feel like I was attractive to him. He wanted to keep chatting anyway, for fun, cuz he liked me, so I think I was correct. I'd feel odd if I were dating someone and he never touched me. I'd definitely think he wasn't interested. Now, I'd be ok if it were a first date, as there are many reasons nothing, even slight touching, would happen. But, if we continued dating and he didn't even hug me, something would be off. |
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However the last first date i had i did not kiss her when i could have. As i told her "I am not looking to define a moment, i will know because the moment will define itself." And this i believe. She prolly thought you were gay. js. Prolly, you know some women aren't use to a man showing respect like that. Did i mention i gave her dozen roses and open doors? Just being me. Wait, do you mean you think she did think you were gay? Truly, I think youre grand, sir, so I hope you did not think I was insulting you. Really, if you dont make a move on the first few dates, a girl typically thinks youre not interested. More specifically, not attracted. Friend zone. And we're not talking about groping, or sex...just a kiss. A kiss is not a show of disrespect unless its a tonsilectomy by tongue. Hmm. Even then its not really disrespect rather, forwardness. Nah i did not take your comment serious. See there are factors that go beyond the "first date" that are being over looked or just not discussed. Just because i told her when the moment comes we would know that alone was the first hint at another time in the future. So For a first date you need to be communicating. This can be in many forms but it would stand to reason the date was a local one not an online one (Someone in another state or city) which would then tell me there is probably some phone conversing going on. So just because i did not kiss her when the first chance arose, did not mean i wasn't interested. In fact i think it would send a message of we have another date to come, as well as more communicating to go through. As for making a move, i can show interest with out having to touch a woman. Whole lot of methods for having a great time and keeping some one interested in you and wanting to know more . I was serious, I just meant I meant no disrespect to you over it. I must say, while I respect that, I still feel like a guy isnt attracted with no touching. Even a shoulder nudge, or something. I broke up with someone because he never touched me, so I didnt feel like I was attractive to him. He wanted to keep chatting anyway, for fun, cuz he liked me, so I think I was correct. You were saying from her view she thought i might be gay because i did not try to kiss her after i was the one to ask her out (Is their an elmer fud yibbidy yibbiddy yibbidy thats all folks smiley lol). And again she knew just as i knew that there would be a second date. I won't bother guessing why he did not touch you. I have no idea. But we are not discussing on ongoing relationship that lacked physical contact. We are discussing one first date.  |
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I wonder how often the anticipation of sex is better than the sex itself..... I get a thrill out of all the non sexual stuff, like kissing, hugging, fondling, and even talking about our interests sexually , those are nice fillers that show interest without having to go 'all the way' with anyone,,, Or the anticipation of that moment where the sparks (Safe to guess you have a spark or you would not be there) become fireworks. *Waves* If it's a first date, I don't think it's safe to assume there are sparks already. Isn't that what the date is to find out? Quit *** u me ing. If the date was a woman whom i met locally wouldn't it be safe to guess there is a spark or attraction that got you a phone number to establish a date? And if days or week passes before you get on that date, and you then spend time conversing is it not even safer to say that that spark has an interest since that time has elapsed......... Why am i explaining this ............. |
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You were saying from her view she thought i might be gay because i did not try to kiss her after i was the one to ask her out (Is their an elmer fud yibbidy yibbiddy yibbidy thats all folks smiley lol). And again she knew just as i knew that there would be a second date. I won't bother guessing why he did not touch you. I have no idea. But we are not discussing on ongoing relationship that lacked physical contact. We are discussing one first date. Yes, it was just my perspective. I value a variety of perspectives. Including yours. We just had no chemistry, thats all. He was/is a fine person. I personally didnt want to invest so much of myself if it wasnt towards a romantic connection. Life can never give you enough friends. |
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I wonder how often the anticipation of sex is better than the sex itself..... I get a thrill out of all the non sexual stuff, like kissing, hugging, fondling, and even talking about our interests sexually , those are nice fillers that show interest without having to go 'all the way' with anyone,,, Or the anticipation of that moment where the sparks (Safe to guess you have a spark or you would not be there) become fireworks. *Waves* If it's a first date, I don't think it's safe to assume there are sparks already. Isn't that what the date is to find out? Quit *** u me ing. If the date was a woman whom i met locally wouldn't it be safe to guess there is a spark or attraction that got you a phone number to establish a date? And if days or week passes before you get on that date, and you then spend time conversing is it not even safer to say that that spark has an interest since that time has elapsed......... Why am i explaining this ............. My comment was in general about first dates. It was my opinion, as for me, first dates are to see if there's anything there worth continuing. I won't know that until the actual date happens. I just happened to reply to yours because you said it's safe to guess (assume) you have a spark or you would not be there. |
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Edited by
exxman
on
Mon 08/15/11 05:50 PM
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I wonder how often the anticipation of sex is better than the sex itself..... I get a thrill out of all the non sexual stuff, like kissing, hugging, fondling, and even talking about our interests sexually , those are nice fillers that show interest without having to go 'all the way' with anyone,,, Or the anticipation of that moment where the sparks (Safe to guess you have a spark or you would not be there) become fireworks. *Waves* If it's a first date, I don't think it's safe to assume there are sparks already. Isn't that what the date is to find out? Quit *** u me ing. If the date was a woman whom i met locally wouldn't it be safe to guess there is a spark or attraction that got you a phone number to establish a date? And if days or week passes before you get on that date, and you then spend time conversing is it not even safer to say that that spark has an interest since that time has elapsed......... Why am i explaining this ............. My comment was in general about first dates. It was my opinion, as for me, first dates are to see if there's anything there worth continuing. I won't know that until the actual date happens. I just happened to reply to yours because you said it's safe to guess (assume) you have a spark or you would not be there. So you give your number out to unattractive guys? Let me rephrase that just for you. Your out at a club ugly guy wants your number you gonna give it to him? Good looking guy hits you up and asks for your number you gonna give it to him? I am betting the answers are no and yes (maybe i am wrong). You don't know anything about the ugly guy you just see him for his looks which are not a spark /attraction/interest for you. The good looking guy comes up asks for your number you will be more inclined won't you? Ugly guy = no spark the guy you see as good looking = spark or interest right to your eyes? |
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That's not what I'm saying at all. Chatting online and meeting in person can be much different. Some people are the same and there is attraction there. Some people are much different and there is no attraction. I won't know that until actually meeting for a first date. I've experienced both.
This doesn't have to do with looks, as for me, there has to be more than looks for there to be a "spark." |
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If you dont touch your date, eventually, depending on how long that goes on, you are at risk for being considered uninterested. I dont know why this concept alone is so abrasive to you. Its not a personal assessment of how your personal relationship is going. Its a general statement. I am on friendly terms with the man I referred to. We are just not dating. Whoaaaaa first off i am not offended by anyone doing anything they want to be doing and when they do it. It was one first date Let me put it another way. Ever get tired of feeling like you are a piece of meat? All the guy wants to do is FU roll over go to sleep or leave? Wouldn't it be nice to know a man on THE FIRST DATE has an interest in knowing more about who you are ? Making you laugh? Showing up with a dozen roses? . And i will keep yall's advice in mind in the future yall are women so obviously you know what yalls desires are. I am just a man after all and to us a Rubik's Cube can be easier to figure out . The world is lost with non romantic people, Glad i can make my own map
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If you dont touch your date, eventually, depending on how long that goes on, you are at risk for being considered uninterested. I dont know why this concept alone is so abrasive to you. Its not a personal assessment of how your personal relationship is going. Its a general statement. I am on friendly terms with the man I referred to. We are just not dating. Eventually and the first date, are different times. You are using your own history with some guy who did not touch you, to address what i did do. Or are you comparing my first date with how long was you're relationship with him? How long did the lack of touch bother you? I am glad you got out, sounds like you were not getting what you were looking for. No one should be in one of those. |
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So you give your number out to unattractive guys? Let me rephrase that just for you. Your out at a club ugly guy wants your number you gonna give it to him? Good looking guy hits you up and asks for your number you gonna give it to him? I am betting the answers are no and yes (maybe i am wrong). You don't know anything about the ugly guy you just see him for his looks which are not a spark /attraction/interest for you. The good looking guy comes up asks for your number you will be more inclined won't you? Ugly guy = no spark the guy you see as good looking = spark or interest right to your eyes? I'll respond to this again, since you changed your post. Meeting in person is different. My first response was about setting up a first date after chatting online. Of course, in person, there will be more interest as you see right off the bat how someone acts. As for if a guy asks for my number, it's going to depend on how we get along at the time if we met in person. If he's hot, but arrogant? No. As for ugly.. there has to be some kind of attraction. I don't consider that a spark, though. I'm attracted to lots of different people. That doesn't mean there's a spark with each one. |
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If you dont touch your date, eventually, depending on how long that goes on, you are at risk for being considered uninterested. I dont know why this concept alone is so abrasive to you. Its not a personal assessment of how your personal relationship is going. Its a general statement. I am on friendly terms with the man I referred to. We are just not dating. Eventually and the first date, are different times. You are using your own history with some guy who did not touch you, to address what i did do. Or are you comparing my first date with how long was you're relationship with him? How long did the lack of touch bother you? I am glad you got out, sounds like you were not getting what you were looking for. No one should be in one of those. Im not using my history to address what you did. Im using my perception to determine whether I feel a man is attracted to me or not. If a gal gets a gentle touch once in a while, a poke in the arm, a lean across, etc, she may think you arent attracted. It was about 6 dates. I dont remember for sure how long. ya - now I know I'm kinda jumping in here not having read the whole thread but 6 dates and I expect we've read kama together by now seriously no nookie by that time & I'd not even be there any more figuring he was not that interested - and I guess it would depend on how frequent the dates had been and how long - but I'm thinking 6 evening over a couple months |
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If you dont touch your date, eventually, depending on how long that goes on, you are at risk for being considered uninterested. I dont know why this concept alone is so abrasive to you. Its not a personal assessment of how your personal relationship is going. Its a general statement. I am on friendly terms with the man I referred to. We are just not dating. Eventually and the first date, are different times. You are using your own history with some guy who did not touch you, to address what i did do. Or are you comparing my first date with how long was you're relationship with him? How long did the lack of touch bother you? I am glad you got out, sounds like you were not getting what you were looking for. No one should be in one of those. Im not using my history to address what you did. Im using my perception to determine whether I feel a man is attracted to me or not. If a gal gets a gentle touch once in a while, a poke in the arm, a lean across, etc, she may think you arent attracted. It was about 6 dates. I don't remember for sure how long. 3-4 weeks would suck with the feeling of no affection. "Let me put it another way. Ever get tired of feeling like you are a piece of meat? All the guy wants to do is FU roll over go to sleep or leave? Wouldn't it be nice to know a man on THE FIRST DATE has an interest in knowing more about who you are ? Making you laugh? Showing up with a dozen roses?" |
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If you dont touch your date, eventually, depending on how long that goes on, you are at risk for being considered uninterested. I dont know why this concept alone is so abrasive to you. Its not a personal assessment of how your personal relationship is going. Its a general statement. I am on friendly terms with the man I referred to. We are just not dating. Eventually and the first date, are different times. You are using your own history with some guy who did not touch you, to address what i did do. Or are you comparing my first date with how long was you're relationship with him? How long did the lack of touch bother you? I am glad you got out, sounds like you were not getting what you were looking for. No one should be in one of those. Im not using my history to address what you did. Im using my perception to determine whether I feel a man is attracted to me or not. If a gal gets a gentle touch once in a while, a poke in the arm, a lean across, etc, she may think you arent attracted. It was about 6 dates. I dont remember for sure how long. ya - now I know I'm kinda jumping in here not having read the whole thread but 6 dates and I expect we've read kama together by now seriously no nookie by that time & I'd not even be there any more figuring he was not that interested - and I guess it would depend on how frequent the dates had been and how long - but I'm thinking 6 evening over a couple months haha. what a hoor (j/k). Im all for going slow but no touch at all....friend zone or gay. ha ha klc yes I agree - that is not a real encouraging signal |
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Anyway, back to the actual topic. I would not want to set a time frame on having sex. I'd rather just see how things go and take it from there.
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Edited by
exxman
on
Mon 08/15/11 07:14 PM
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exxman, Im so sorry about the mood of this thread. You must feel attacked and that wasnt what I was going for so I apologise for that. Truly, Im only trying to make a point about the importance of a simple touch. A peck on the cheek, or the like. Youve been very kind to share what youve experienced and Im grateful that you continued to talk about things. Don't worry about it. I been on here for under 2 weeks been very open about who i am and how i live my life. In that 2 weeks i have had more than enough of my thoughts being "attacked or my actions questioned". I agree any relationship (dating bf/gf/marriage etc etc) should have touch. But I disagree with you if you think it is a must on the first date. And i would honestly like to think that a woman can appreciate a man wanting to enjoy their first date about more than when will i kiss her, when will we bang, i wonder if she likes.........." 6 Dates however, is a lot more time than any person should be going with out showing affection for the person you are seeing. I understand why you left it, i understand why you took issue with me and my posts. You see his actions, but you forgot i was only discussing one first date with out a kiss. Enjoy your evening and i hope things get better for you .
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First off the book never said no touching for ninety days.
Touching as a sign of affection in a non sexual manner is probably the greatest thing to happen on a date when two people are working through if it needs to go to another level or not. There are men who will believe, no matter how strong the physical attraction is, that the woman "gives it up" to too many men quickly and is not respectful of her body. That could be an issue for them. I don't want to be one of a string of hos in a guys life, just like he doesn't want to be one of a string of hard heads before him. I have to hold myself to a standard of respect in order to get any respect from others. That is the fact of the matter, regardless to what time frame is put on it. |
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