Ha, guys saying that they need to be the ones that make the decisions in a relationship but also saying that they never argue with women. Now it becomes so clear where I've been going wrong for all of these years by actually trying to listen to what women want and trying to reason with them wen I should just have been bossing them about and telling them what to do.

Greeneyes I have to agree with you about parents, I think all parents messed their kids up to some extent. Like a lot of sons, I swore I would never be like my father and take verbal abuse as he did. Even if he deserved it most times.

I don't think it's a matter of "either/or" or "all or nothing" type of thinking...Honestly I don't think anyone really wants to be "bossed around." We all got enough of this from our parents and teachers when we were kids!...Why "copy" behavior that upset us?.. Or behave in a way that will upset or bother anyone?...This is where "new thinking" is needed and "new ways" of interacting with others versus just being a follower. Don't you think?

Sorry, but I have to say it:

Your mom was a man?

In all seriousness, though, in continuation of what I wrote above:

I've known plenty of men who can't/won't apologize when they're wrong, even if they've admitted to it (and plenty won't do that, either). It isn't a feminine OR masculine trait; it's an equal-opportunity flaw.

I've had relationships with men who've felt as though they should always be acknowledged as right simply because they're male. I've had some of them even flat-out say so to me.

I don't much care for that kind of man.

As for alpha men... *shakes head*... I dunno, I'm pretty 'alpha' myself, if we're going to play with that terminology. So I actually need a guy who can hold his own, because I really don't want to be the dominant personality in my relationship. I don't want to be dominated, either, so what I really look for are guys with fully-formed personalities who are not afraid to speak their minds even when they disagree with me... but who are also sensitive and intelligent enough to see that there has to be BALANCE in any exchange.

I once broke off a relationship with a man who was too passive because I was afraid I'd accidentally steamroll right over him without ever realizing it because he was far too polite to say anything... and I knew that wouldn't be fair to him. I was a lot younger then and didn't trust myself to achieve balance. The woman I am today could probably manage it... but truth be told, I prefer a guy who will meet me on my level in terms of personality dynamics.

Yeah, I'm picky. At my age, I've earned the right to be, so I won't apologize for that. However, I've learned the art of apology in my relationships, because it's an important skill for creating and maintaining harmony. Besides which, I genuinely have no desire to make someone unhappy. I don't need the karma from that, and in any case, I'm the empathetic type who generally can't be happy if I know my partner is unhappy.

I think it's all about establishing healthy and respectful boundaries. Don't you?...Some kids grow-up and don't know how to set boundaries for themselves (as adults) based on what they experienced (or didn't "see") when they were growing-up. Don't you think?.. Sorry for what you witnessed when you were younger...I have a friend who is a widow too. (In her 50's) Sometimes she talks about how hard it is for her to be assertive and "say no" to people...She always tried to be a "perfect daughter" to her parents and rarely complained about anything when she was growing-up...It sounds like she was passive and compliant with her husband too. (When he was alive.)...My friend is an expert when it comes to "people-pleasing" and "going along" with others. But she doesn't always know how to be "real" and honest with others or "true to herself."...She is terrified of confrontation. And scared of "upsetting" anyone...So she isolates a lot and only interacts with people in small doses...In time she says she wants to learn how to stop being a "people-pleaser."

I agree...I've been around both men and women who consider it a "sin" to apologize. (Or ever admit to being wrong etc.)...When kids grow-up with mothers or fathers who act this way they can be a little "touchy" in adult-life if they haven't worked through their "old issues.".. Or they can become self-righteous themselves. And ready to "do battle" anytime. (With anyone.)

I have never had an issue apologizing when I have been wrong, have been told that I am stubborn, get it from my mother I guess, apologies don't seem to be enough with some women, I can understand how a woman can become frustrated over a period of time if certain mistakes or behaviors are not corrected, but if it's just a personality trait it should be leaned to live with or just go your seperate way, again we cannot change the person we are, we can however improve ourselves, but basic aspects of ones personality are a bit more difficult to change, such as myself I have been described as having a dry wit, that leans on the sarcastic side, come on ladies you already knew what your man was like when you decided to be with him, even though over the coarse of time I can see where one partner changes and the other stays as when you first met, so I do think it is important to grow together as a couple, but in most cases unfortunately that does not occur, and change cannot be forced on anyone.

I agree...Some personality traits are apparent and obvious from the beginning...I haven't dated since my husband passed away but I did go to a few local events with a longtime (male) family friend...Most of the time my friend and I did fine together. But every so often he seemed to get into an old-school "dad" type of role. And acted like a "know-it-all" with me. (Just out of the blue.)...This was obviously normal behavior to him but it wasn't normal for me at all. My husband never acted this way with me. (And we were together for 30 years!)...So I think it's important to consider "compatibility" early-on and take many factors into consideration before things go "too far."

Just like with my former ex I knew from the beginning she had severe jealousy issues and not bragging here, just stating a fact, she also knew other women were attracted to me, you see I have always known how to just be my self, guess women pick up on that, but I have never in my life ever cheated, guess im just not wired like that, can only be with one woman at a time, as far as my ex was concerned I went into our relationship with my eyes wide open and would have stayed with her forever reguardlees of her issues, but when the hitting started, I started leaving.

Sorry you got hit and abused...I wouldn't do well (at all) with a man who had "jealousy issues."..I'd look for a man who was more secure within himself.