100% FREE ONLINE DATING
sponsored links
Previous
| Topic: Foot in the door... | |
|---|---|
|
|
|
Online dating feels like I imagine being a door-to-door salesperson does. You approach that first door with enthusiasm, hope, and probably feeling nervous. If someone opens the door, you give your best pitch. Maybe they invite you in, maybe they slam the door in your face. If you make it across the threshold, you sit at their kitchen table while they flip through your catalog of what you have to offer. Maybe you make a sale, but will they be a repeat customer? After you've been at it for a few years, and your nose has been broken more often than you've been invited in, how do you maintain that enthusiasm and hope? What gets your foot in the door? Once you're in, what in your experience makes them call you back for more? I totally get you Techno, totally...When I first joined, it was exactly as you described...Enthusiam-hope-nerves...My personality category is flirty and fun with a touch of seriousness  ...When I was new to online dating and someone approached me, I just went for the humorous banter and mixed in a little personal info about me with questions about them...I always let the man take the lead and if he offered his number after having several exchanges here, I had no problem calling him...I admit getting to THAT point was rare, but then again speed dating was never my objective...It didn't take me long to figure out most were scammers, some were just looking to get laid or kill time and some didn't know what the hell they were looking for...ALL my successful connections on Mingle have been made through forum participation because it is the closest thing to offline dating...You become attracted to those people your are exposed to over time...The better you get to know each other, the more you want to meet offline (and that applies to both romance and friendship)...What gets your foot in the door?...IMO, networking through forum participation... PS: Your OP belongs in creative writing... Miss Leigh, My personality is serious with a rare subtle outburst? of flirty fun. Yet I sense that we are soul siblings. You're so right that the more natural way people become attracted to each other is through community. You know... what once was more common in small towns where residents regularly socialized. It allows casual frequent interaction, to develop into comfortable familiarity and fondness.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
When I first came out on the internet was years ago...I actually lost a bet I had no clue what to expect. So I had no expectations which I think helped me out a lot. In the beginning due to my job I couldn't have pictures up. I spent some time reading and watching the forums.I knew real quick my style is not the flirt.{ I ,am so jealous of the people that can flirt}. I am too direct, so I had to find my own style, which led me to be who I am online and offline. IF I say it out here, I will say it in real time or vise a versa. In all honesty, I don't think I ever sent out an email of " Hey I am interested". Usually the emails I have sent out has been due to something in a profile and I complimented them on it or a forum user. I do know some of the best dates have been from something they or I have seen in each others profile. No pressure just chatting a bit, getting to know each other does the conversation flow easily ? That is a huge thing for me if we can converse in the cold written form it should be a lot easier in person. My guy and I started talking over something he had posted that had me cracking up...I sent a thank you for the laugh this am. I needed it. That started it and went from there. I do think that people have to learn not to take things personally out here, if they are thin skinned they won't make it. I also think for some, the internet is a way for the to blow off steam so they aren't the same as in person. I think for some it is a way to get over shyness, or fear of rejection. I personally do enjoy seeing the different personalities and what lengths some go to, to get noticed. Great post OP... very insightful and some depth went into this one. Nice to see something with some meat on the bone. Yes, as a sensitive guy I confirm that it can be challenging not to get offended or hurt out here. Very cool that you and Pancho have connected, congratulations! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Yes ^^^ about making it harder than it has to be. I have not really gotten why people put so much of their self esteem on weather a person says yes to a date or how a date goes. True , I take being asked as a compliment and some level of approval but it is not like someone asking me out is this be all, end all endorsement or put down. Nor is me telling someone no to a date that I do not think they are still a quality person. Or for that matter unattractive sexually. Or some kind of societal failure. I get a lot of heat for not dating younger or those with kids. IT IS NOT PERSONAL judgment of your maturity or your kids as necessary to the universe it is I am just at a different stage of life. Just because a stage of life is good does not mean I want to repeat it. I really wish people would take some of the pressure off dating and just think of it as some short pleasant little thing you are doing for a part of a single day not something that has to be life changing in and instant. Chrimeny sakes stop pulling yourself through a knot hole and just relax and enjoy the interaction. I guarantee you if it makes a nice impression then it will go in your favor. They will want to talk to you again. They will want to go out again. Or really don't miss out on this, at least tell a friend how nice you were. People see you out in the dating world; and you are not just falling all over each other like dogs in heat, others are going to be attracted to you and probably try to find out who you are. I would say at least fifty percent of the people I date that don't get serious about will date someone I do know. I have had several people say "oh who was so and so they seem so nice" and it is real easy for me to say yes they are would you like to be introduced? Said it before the people I cared the most about in my life were introduced through friends. I agree with you that ideally first dates would be relaxed and minimally invested. It's not as easy as just deciding that's how you're going to feel for some folks though, including me. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
After you've been at it for a few years, and your nose has been broken more often than you've been invited in, how do you maintain that enthusiasm and hope? Well, as Frank Sinatra once sang, "They can't take that away from me". Meaning no matter how many times I get stomped on, I remain the happy, jokey person that I am. I have to have faith in my future. Otherwise I'll lose myself. My middle name is resilient. What gets your foot in the door? The smell of bacon. On a serious note, if he is persistent, then I'll be more likely to stick around. I can't be done with half-arsed men. Once you're in, what in your experience makes them call you back for more? Him wanting to be around me more and more. Resilience is a strong character trait to possess. A brave face is sometimes though, just a mask that hides the broken nose. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
ciretom, I was speaking figuratively. I'm quite comfortable with who I am and present myself honestly when approaching and interacting with people. There will always be doors. They are the perceived boundary between people that take a key on each side (mutual interest and agreement) to unlock. There will always be doors. They are the perceived boundary between people that take a key on each side (mutual interest and agreement) to unlock. ^ I like this.....I think it's a great sub topic...great follow up clarification to the OP. mutual interest and agreement are probably the two most important things that keep doors open.....not just agreement but being agreeable, mutually. Treating each other as adults capable of making decisions and choices..... then there is that mutual interest door. interest in each other is one mutual interest.... in each other is how I read that, but it also helps to have some similar interests and beliefs. But ultimately if one of the pair feels they are not being treated well (agreeable ness) it won't matter how good the sex is or that you both love white wicker from Pier One...lol |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Aww techno .   I think dating and social interaction is harder for men ... especially when some women have the expectation that men need to be the Initiators of contact . As a young girl going to socials .. If a boy asked me to dance .. I always said yes .. Regardless of whether I was attracted to him or not . I respected the courage it took for him to do that . The only problem with that approach was .. it sent mixed signals .. They thought I was interested . Rejection is never easy but I have learned over time that if i am not interested in a man it is much kinder to tactfully decline his advances . As for myself . Flirting comes naturally . if a man rejects my attention Online I just laugh it off and carry on . you may not have had an attraction to all of them but I bet you were always dancing
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Aww techno . I think dating and social interaction is harder for men ... especially when some women have the expectation that men need to be the Initiators of contact . As a young girl going to socials .. If a boy asked me to dance .. I always said yes .. Regardless of whether I was attracted to him or not . I respected the courage it took for him to do that . The only problem with that approach was .. it sent mixed signals .. They thought I was interested . Rejection is never easy but I have learned over time that if i am not interested in a man it is much kinder to tactfully decline his advances . As for myself . Flirting comes naturally . if a man rejects my attention Online I just laugh it off and carry on . you may not have had an attraction to all of them but I bet you were always dancing
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Aww techno . I think dating and social interaction is harder for men ... especially when some women have the expectation that men need to be the Initiators of contact . As a young girl going to socials .. If a boy asked me to dance .. I always said yes .. Regardless of whether I was attracted to him or not . I respected the courage it took for him to do that . The only problem with that approach was .. it sent mixed signals .. They thought I was interested . Rejection is never easy but I have learned over time that if i am not interested in a man it is much kinder to tactfully decline his advances . As for myself . Flirting comes naturally . if a man rejects my attention Online I just laugh it off and carry on . I can't speak for other men, but social interaction is very challenging for this man. I tend to agree it's probably best to say no thank you if there's no attraction. Cary on after rejection, check. Laugh it off, nope. I imagine it's a little easier to do when there's no shortage of suitors ready to step in and take your mind off of it.
|
|
|
|
|
