An 85 yr old man is out in his boat fishin', when he hears a voice say "pick me up".

He looks around & sees no one, so he keeps fishin'.

Later he hears the voice again say "Pick me up".
Lookin around again, no one.

Then the voice says " down here , pick me up "
He looks down & sees a frog, so he picks the frog up.

Frog says "I am magical, kiss me me & I will turn into the sexiest woman of your dreams & give you pleasure beyond your belief."

The man places the frog in his pocket.
Frog says "wont you listenin'?"
Man says "Yep"
Frogs , says "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!!?"

Man says "at my age I'd rather have a talkin' frog"

Everybody must be at Thumps....

someone mentioned somethin' about cops over at thumps, so came back here

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

Redneck love;He doesn't tease his lover with a feather,he uses the whole chicken.

lmao Laura.

.. another gem laura......

Doctor, "What seems to be the problem?"

Patient, "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,"

The Doctor nods, "Hmm."

Patient, "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, do you?"
"Hmm," says the Doctor,

He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.

The patient is thrilled "Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?"

"No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test.

good one!!

you all wanna know a true story it happened tonight i was at a buddy's house workin on a go kart there were 4 of us full grown fellas gatered around this 4' cart well we got it done and let the kids ride till dark then we got on it "one at a time" but i started it for one guy and turned a round and it was red neck heaven there we all were no about 8 guys drinking beer standing in front of a pic perfic red nek set of mobile homes junk all over waiting for our turn to zip down the singal lain road and i relized it may not sound as funny as it looked so as soon as we scan the polorid check it out on my page

The teacher asked little Johnny to use the word " definitely " in a sentence.

Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"

The Teacher says, "Of course not Johnny,"

To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely sH!t my pants".-

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigerette, and continued smoking.

Lady 1 What's that?
Lady 2 A condom.
Lady 1 Where'd you get it?
Lady 2 You can get them at any Chemist.

The next day lady 1 hobbles into the local chemist and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a packet of condoms. The pharmacist looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, in her 80's), but politely asks what brand she perfers. Doesn't matter, she replies , as long as it fits a Camel.

The pharmacist fainted.

hi laura ...... be right back

GOOD STORY LYMAN I CAN JUS' SEE IT NOW....

Hey dc...almost 20 pages dude...doin great!!!

thanks rocker....

" A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches "Can I help you sir?"
"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr" the man replies.
The cop asks- "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"
"It wasss on the end of thisshh key" the man replies.

About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's weiner hanging out of his fly for all the world to see. He asks the man "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"
Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out... "I'll be damned ----- My girlfriend's gone, too!!!!!"

Good one laura

ya'll know yer a redneck when....



the family tree dont branch!!!!

ya'll know yer a redneck when....



the family tree dont branch!!!!