I am just seeking a few different perspectives on a situation with my daughter.

She is going to be 10 in a few months. She has one BFF that she hangs out with in school and does things with outside of school, but rarely talks to on the phone as the BFF is in a lot of extracurricular activities and is shared custody between her mom and dad.

She also has another friend who calls her everyday, several times a day. The young lady does not seem to have anyone else to talk to judging by how much she calls. When she calls, she is a bit on the obsessive side, copying my daughters ideas, using her screennames on the internet game sites, asking for her passwords,,etc,,,,,she even sent a teacher at school an email posing as my daughter. It is a bit concerning, but they just talk on the phone.

So, this young lady and my daughter are actually both friends with the BFF. The three of them are often at parties together(birthday parties), and recently she invited my daughter to her birthday party and my daughter attended.


,,the problem is, this young lady DOES NOT TALK, outside of her phone conversations. On any occasion where I drop my daughter or take my daughter to an event where she is attending, I repeatedly say hello or try to make conversation and she says NOTHING.

at her party recently, it was the same, I Wished her a happy birthday, I said hello, I complimented her gifts,, all the while she just stares off as if I am not talking at all. Her family giggles and chalks it up to 'shyness', but I was brought up that it is rude.

putting that aside though, I am having a big birthday weekend for my daughter soon that I was planning for just she and her BFF. I am wondering if it is unthoughtful not to include this other little girl, but I will be supervising the kids over an entire weekend and I don't wish to take that on with a child who doesn't respond when I speak or ask her things.

not to mention my child and her BFF are very talkative, most likely creating more of a 3rd wheel situation than an enjoyable one.


,,,what would you do ?

could be social anxiety

Hi... It is indeed a weird situation, however maybe it is good to invite the 3rd lady so you have time to know her and understand what'd going on... Seems like your daughter will keep seem her (at school or parties) and it is better if you have information about what this girl think or do... I don't believe she can keep all weekend without talking, therefore a hood moment... Maybe difficult for you, but useful.. Good luck

I wish I had this kind of outlet when raising my 2 children. It's good to have different views.

I have often encountered a child's friend that seems to clam up when an adult or other children try to talk to them and/or include them. From what you've described, I think she is Trouble. Take the stuff she does with the imitating/copying, then she also doesn't talk to others except on the phone. I don't think that is simply a shy person. She is conniving.

I also think you should ask your daughter if she wants this get-together to include both girls. You don't have to explain in detail why you are hesitant. Simply ask who she is inviting.

I advise strongly against EVERYONE's assumptions, including yours, Msharmony. Since this is a very young child, it bears a lot of INVESTIGATION. Not a lot of "tough love," or anything else based on how WE might feel about how this child behaves.

I've seen far too many instances where a child is "problematic" in a lot of different ways, and I've never witnessed treating them like a criminal or an otherwise willfully "weird" person, accomplish anything positive.

This planned party is for your own daughter to enjoy, so I would start by asking HER what SHE wants to do.

Too many autistic children, or otherwise emotionally injured children get treated as though they are a purposely rude adult, and that only makes things worse.

But please, investigate. Don't assume. And if the girl's parents really do as you say, and "giggle and chalk it up to shyness," they might well be a part of the cause of the trouble.

But again, if this party really is for your daughter and her other friend, let them decide what they want, first. The fact that their "odd" friend annoys you, should not be the deciding factor.

Just my opinion, based on raising more than one "troubled" child, and having dealt with many "troubled" adults as well.

Thank you Igor.

I hear them talk on the phone, she is far from autistic.

I have asked my daughter though and she just wants a 'best friends' party, so that's that.

I would leave it up to my daughter to decide who attends. If she wants the BFF and not the other, then do that. If she wants both, have both and don't worry about the 3rd wheel feelings. Just try and have activities that they can choose to participate in.

My 2 cents.

ty