Do you think more would be accomplished in our lives, on personal level and community and national,, if we put half the effort into seeking solutions as we do belittling and naming who is to 'blame' or at fault?


A common refrain when an uncomfortable topic is posed in the thread is 'its not my fault' or 'whose fault is that'

why does that matter? Why is it so important to find fault and so much less important to find solutions?

Not to be mistaken with aknowledging who is involved and how something came to be, but to not make that the only and primary point,, instead of ways to fix whats wrong.

Not really.
Blame and fault are (or at least can be) part of the process of determining what isn't a solution and possibly what/where/who/how/why to avoid in trying to find a solution.

Not to mention, sometimes correctly assigning fault and blame is actually the solution to the problem, especially if it leads to changes in perspective, perception, and/or behavior. Of yourself or others.

"Belittling" is a whole different issue in itself.


Same reason in dating it's just as important to figure out what you don't want as what you do want.

Without fault and blame you never weed out the people you don't really want to date and you never get them to go away so you can focus on who you want to date, they become persistent ongoing problems.

Unless all you're really advocating is "find fault and blame, just keep it to yourself, and ignore them until they go away."

Why is it so important for people to put into their profiles what they don't want (no players! no games! no FWB! No dating! Just here for forums!) or put into their profiles what they do want (soul mates! friends first! must be over 6' tall! must be athletic! must have a job!) rather than focus on the means they personally use to make their relationships successful?


Sometimes you don't know what is actually wrong until you can figure out what would be right.
Sometimes you can see what's right, but other people continue to push for what's wrong and will need fault and blame to provide the evidence showing that there is something wrong to them.

Some problems don't go away until you acknowledge them via fault and blame.

Sometimes problems are solved by pointing out fault and blame, corrective behavior leading to the solution to the problem.

Fault and blame are just tools of human interaction. Like any other tool they can be used "improperly."

I agree with you one 100%

That is why some keep making the same mistakes over and over ...
and that is why this is war ... all about the $ ... and the USA is a capitalist country ... we have all these wrongs but know one wants to take the responsibility for it ...here or abroad ...

Life happens. Sometimes it is better just to move on than to linger finding fault and blame. Shake the dust of your shoulders and head on to the next adventure.

Nobody's Fault But Mine

Finding solutions would only be a priority if it was even a goal to begin with.

The goal of many people whether it in relationships or in organisations, is to win arguments, and to protect their personal interests.

Assigning blame to others is a clever way of deflecting from the wrong you are doing to protect your interests, even if that interest is simply protecting your ego.