Shine On
Always something missing no matter what I do or where I go, the
emptiness. I feel so lost. Left alone in the dark. A place somehow I
have felt I was raised, never to see the light of life. Cast down often
when feeling alive. No matter if this is the path, perhaps that was
chosen for me… or maybe I chose for myself.
Everyone time to time I am sure has felt the same isolation. Living in a
place with out faith… but you can choose to sink deeper into self sorrow
or you can choose to create a shell, a shell to protect yourself from
the sickness and pain. To shield yourself from others to prevent any
future pain and yet myself and so many others seem to live a life like
this and I wonder why? Why must I feel that I am alone in my troubles,
wandering the vast plains? Walking randomly, blind, and stumbling only
wishing at times I had someone to help me up. You can, I know…you
can…maybe pull yourself out but it’s so hard, so hard when you don’t
always have faith in yourself, not sure of what may happen. Perhaps it’s
for the best to be alone in such a place.
You can always just trust yourself right? Get things done on your own
don’t need anyone or anything…but why? But why? What does it change? It
doesn’t feel easier, just harder… to do things…alone…
Sometimes though, time to time during the wandering in the dark, the
stumbling and falling… something so strange, something so alien from the
reality…something that doesn’t seem to belong in the cold existence I
walk time to time… A bright light, an orb dancing in the distance, so
strange, so alluring… makes no sense… but it… It… It’s uplifting… It
gives warmth in a place you did not dream you could find, such a
feeling, just dancing and spinning… no negative thoughts, no worries.
It just seems to care only about that moment, the moment where it
purpose goes beyond to just simply exist. And when you get close to the
sounds of what would seem to be joy so faint and beautiful. It stops and
turns its radiance your way almost speaking to you to come out and play.
To forget what is around you and what has always been. To just stop,
listen and bask in the light it shines your way. Unlike anything you
ever thought could be. Something that one would think just does not
belong. Yet it is there… it leaves you… dazed…and speechless…
So you walk to it without a care… No worries, all misfortune aside. What
is important is that moment where you feel loved, safe, and warm inside.
But sometimes when you get to close it fades… just dims out and it’s
then that you have never felt more alone and in pain.
But once you have seen such a miracle it never leaves your thoughts it
is always there. And it’s at that point you really begin to wonder what
if…what if…there is something more. What if there is a place away from
here a place where joy is real…or maybe… what if that place can be… is…
where you are now… and as one wanders in the dark stumbling and falling
getting cut and bruised time to time… it doesn’t affect you as much as
it did before that first uplifting because now there’s something you
never thought you would have… perhaps never as strong, perhaps so dim
it’s almost like it’s not even there… but it is… just waiting… hope.
Hope that maybe you could join it where ever it may have come from. And
as you wander, time to time you will meet up with the miracle once
again, sometimes faint and dim other times stronger then ever thought
possible…
It is then that I see you standing there so bright… with radiance like I
have never witnessed before. I try to escape into the darkness of my
shell a place I have grown so familiar but don’t wish to be any longer.
Even in that dark place you still shine through. I can’t help but want
to come out. To bask in the warmth I feel all around me… It’s in your
eyes, your smile, your movements, and your voice. It can’t be ignored.
The light that shines from you lifts me up, gives me strength I never
knew I had, it heals wounds I never thought could be healed. And it
leaves me scared.
I don’t know if you pushed me away maybe because you don’t care for me
as I do for you. Perhaps you do but didn’t know if I did too. Are you
out to right what is wrong before moving on? I am falling in love with
you but all that I know what is left for me to say and do is just…
“Shine on” and I’ll be here waiting for you.
-KM