You hear a song in the distance that catches your attention. Its a song of anger, sadness,beauty in motion,poetry, and inspiring longing, slow and then as fast as pantera. Whatever, wherever it is you can dance to it at times or tread broodingly away waiting for a change in your life, As I lay here and ponder the sound, I think why or how I wasnt good enough for her, I took her and built her back up, I gave her her smile back,I think to when it could have changed,I was at the time when i met her 36, and I was a horrible person. Never known love, never thought I was capable of love, I left a trail of broken promises, lies and sexual encounters behind me since i was sixteen, cocky arrogant full of confidence. Never had i met a woman like her, and i found love. The way I treated her Noone had done so before. Just discussing how I treated her she had tears on the edges of her eyes spilling over ruining her makeup. Amazing and stunningly beautiful,people would ask her why she was with me,told her all the time she was much better than i was. Then the tears would start and there was defending me, she thought it was the other way around, One day things just happened and somethings are not meant to last. I can now see they lost me and not the other way around, It's like having access to a remarkable work of art and you get to see it only once. And never again, and you realize holy crap I'll never see perfection again. And then nothing is ever the same again. Every other painting is a foul cheap imitation of the original. You compare, and only see the flaws of the others. but the original has flaws also but it's all deep brush strokes and cracked paint. The paint underneath the cracks shine under the dull coat. Let's you know under layers of coat you might catch glimpses of imperfections. but you know and realize it's not all about the surface area everything down to the canvass is still that unbelievable piece of art its all mixed in together nothing but swirling chaos and your left alone trying to figure out how to repair the damage or to let it go because it seems the more you try to fix it just never looks the same nor will it be the same. You realize, and tell yourself, and pray, that the ache for her ends,then it hurts deeper when you think your in love with the memories of who she used to be and the memory of who you were with her. You catch yourself slipping into old habits, that guy laying dormant for so many years wanting out. You make peace with yourself and let him out to play but hes been out the whole time. You only changed because you had a light to follow, you always thought the same as always. You just didnt act on it. That song in the distance is your future just on the horizon. And you know what you want.