What is forgiveness? My first thoughts were that forgiveness could simply be a purely selfish act. But then as I thought about how it seems to work in common scenarios, it morphed from selfishness to necessity. Mahatma Gandhi said, "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." For the majority of its usefulness, I think forgiveness is a necessary act of self preservation. It takes strength to engage in acts of self preservation since it seems really easy for us to be so self destructive. The rest of the story with forgiveness is that it is a teaching tool for ourselves that most people forget to use.

I've thought about the more common times where forgiveness is used. So who do we forgive? First, we forgive our enemies or people who have wronged us. To me, these are the same. Their acts have physically, mentally, and/or emotionally hurt us. One of two things takes place. One, the offender asks for forgiveness. Basically, I think that what is actually taking place is the offender is giving you a shot at having power over them since they had power over you when they hurt you. We as humans innately love power over others. So we trade that moment of power over that person with letting the offense no longer be held against them.

Two, if the offender does not ask for forgiveness, then you need to offer that regardless for your own sanity and well being. You may not have to offer it to them verbally but within yourself, I really believe that you can't sit on the **** that happens to you. Moving on isn't just about forgiving and letting it go, it's about moving the offense over to the category of "lesson learned" where it's a lot less annoying.

This brings me to a rabbit trail. "Forgive and forget" is just a really bad idea. "Forgive and learn" is much better. I may no longer hold an offender responsible for an act for which I've forgiven them, but to just blindly assume that everything is as it once was seems foolish. It seems better to say that yes, I will no longer be hurt by your act BUT that goes on your permanent record. I agree not to throw it up in your face BUT I will not let this happen again because you've taught me something about myself.

Second, forgiving a loved one. Similar to that of the first point, forgive and learn, not forget. Forgiveness in this situation though is an opportunity to really prove you've opened your heart to someone, or that you should keep it closed. You have offended me but now that I've forgiven you, I will choose to open myself to you again. Of course, it depends on the situation if it's safe to make yourself vulnerable again, but, that's what you signed up for here.

The permanent record of the loved one isn't the same as your enemies. Redemption belongs in a solid, loving relationship. These offenses should be expunged often. But again, don't forget. Remember what you learned about yourself.

Third, forgiving a child. This seems to be the purest form of forgiveness to me and works as a really good teaching tool . This is a good tool that starts with releasing your child from mistakes, errors, and lashing out. I'm not talking about letting anything go or not holding them accountable. I hold my daughter accountable and with a smile on the inside I think, "Wow, now that she sees that I've forgiven her, she can now learn from me." And there you go, one step closer to presenting the world a slightly better human being.

The last scenario that I think is common where forgiveness is used is when you are confronted, for a lack of a better word, by an idiot. Someone who says something so stupid and offensive. Forgiveness in this case has to be offered with the understanding that the person in front of you just may not know better. I think this is the toughest scenario because some things we see so clearly. Others don't have the same clarity and let fly with something incredibly offensive. Forgiveness is tough here because now you have to force your mind into the mindset that you are not the only human being here. You might be thinking that this individual is a nut but you have to remember that some people need a little more room because they just might be a little behind in their thinking, culture, and social development. With forgiveness, you offer them understanding and in the same process, you preserve your sanity. Most times, they won't learn anything anyway and there's no point in you walking away pissed off.

sorry but my forgiveness is a privildge and must be earned, not some meaningless gesture to be handed out to anybody just for the sake of handing it out.

Forgiveness is for the strong, I agree. For our own sanity would be the strongest reason for me. If I carry around anger, hatred and vengefulness I portray that which I abhor. It is also a lesson seldom learned until time whitens your hair. Youngsters have a hard time grasping the quality and reason for it. Good post

Forgiveness in my eyes is a learning experience.
If I ask forgiveness from someone, I take this lesson to heart. I may become a better person for asking forgiveness. Next is more of a spiritual thing. Forgiving someone that has wronged you doesn't mean that they are off the hook, but rather by accepting another's apology, it may cause them to ponder their own lessons and help you learn new lessons(good or bad). In any
way you perceive it though, Forgiveness is a well learned subject. If the quote is true, forgive and forget, where is the lesson learned on either side? I believe that forgiveness was created as a tool used for learning and accepting Responsibility. If forgiveness isn't received or taken then it is a useless gesture. Just adding my 2 cents worth.