This is why, when is comes to issues of dominance and power exchanges, I prefer that it is only within a romantic relationship.

I know people who have their romantic relationships on one side, and the power relationships with other people. I couldn't do that.

One, Only withing the commited relationship would there be enough trust.

Two, People have different limits and different levels. People who love each other are not going to violate the trust of their partner.

Oh, I'm sure I've more points. But I'm tired at the moment.

my 2 cents says that romantic love can only exist and thrive between equals and anything less is called codependence...

it wont work with either been dominent all the time has to be a partnership..unless you want to be a doormat !!!

This is true. But I think it makes some people feel safe, even if they are a doormat. Not sure why. Doesn't sound fun to me.

I'm in total agreement with you. The only thing I have wondered about at times are the "purists" who say that it is impossible to have a genuine TPE relationship when the couple is in love. There are valid points to their arguments and I have experienced some of what they allude to. It is difficult to do, to combine the two. An ideal. I am an idealist, like you. Let's hope it works out for the long run. It makes for such a beautiful world, imho. YMMV.

Yes, it's very wrong. It can mean he's a control freak, for starters, and could possibly end up being a killer. This is different than saying that a man should make major decisions, which they should do. But when someone controls too much in a relationship, it's not a relationship anymore.

Well, that's your opinion. I respectfully disagree.

The key is knowing how to make the distinction.

But yes, it is a very, very fine line. In many cases, it can look like codependence and abuse to those outside the primary relationship, while to the couple, themselves, it may be empowering, growth-promoting, and wonderfully beautiful. Yes, to repeat: the difference will be found in whether the dynamic is destructive in your life or whether it is empowering and growth-promoting.

It brings up a good point about how much to talk with other kink-friendly folk in your community and how much just to keep between you and your partner. I don't think this questions has ever fully been answered on other boards. It has long been an issue of major debate. I used to be more open, but after a messy drama in the ending of my last relationship, I tend to keep the details of our power dynamic more between me and my Significant Other these days.

Yep, but I'm so not a purist in anything. I now where I'm at and who and I am and how far I'm willing to go. But I can't do that without the love relationship. To do otherwise seems like I'm devaluing myself. It is one thing with a partner with love and commitment, I'm sharing. Outside of that, I'm giving who I am away. One seems right, the other seems wrong.

TPE is a partnership. From the bottom to the Top! It really works well for some folks. More power to them.

Ah, and "doormat"....well, some doormats we may be speaking of are among the most self-assured, strongest, bravest, and independent women I know. Women who may be extremely assertive, competant, and even aggressive in their careers and vanilla life.

Remember the old saying, "don't judge a book by its cover"?

Plus, consensually choosing to give over your power and be a doormat can be amazingly HOT and erotic as all ****.

true, I thought the comment was going in the other direction though. The people who are so afraid of life, that they prefer the totally submissive role so they don't have to deal with life at all. There are some people like that out there. It is sad. But it exists.

Significant words in this post: "it can mean" (but isn't necessarily so in many cases). All the same, you make some very valid points. Stay safe and take all necessary safety measures and precautions! This means: safe calls/silent alarms, letting people know where/when you are meeting, giving their name, address, and phone number to a trusted friend in case of emergency, etc.

I agree.

Yes, there is a distinction between the vanilla meaning of doormat and the alternative lifestyle meaning of it. And, even amongst kink-friendly folks, I would have to say that the majority will disparage female and male bottoms they see as such. Again, there is such a fine line between consent and abuse in WIITWD. Most times, it is only the partners in the relationship that know for sure. It is a good idea to have one or two trusted nilla acquaintances you can process certain things with - just to keep a healthy balance.

Mmmm....I love the art of this stuff.

Neither should be dominant. Should be an equal partnership.

I agree, but of course I don't consider myself "kink", I believe that love means 100% care & concern for the spiritual growth & welfare of the other person. But of course I realize that there are those that just try to satisfy their own ego quirks by submission & domination...and call it "love"

*sigh*

^^ (Allen)

We must have cross-posted. I'm sure that was meant for the poster above. lol

sorry about that

no worries