Of course there is always the exception, but generally if someone cheats once they will do it again. I have known couples who have successfully through an infidelity but only after a minimum of a year in counseling together.

So, generally speaking, I would say its a waste of your time to take him back. I'm sorry you are going through this.

Jezimari, You have been given a lot of great advice by people here. All I can say is, I have forgiven for many things in my past relationships, and most of the time I got burned again and again. The last man I really cared about was with another woman; he never dreamed I would find out. I need to clarify though-he was not obligated to me at the time but it still really hurt because we were trying to work on things. I was so crushed. I went through lots of tears, sadness, anger, all of it. He begged me to be with him. Swore he wouldn't do it again. I walked away. So hard to do.

I still sting from it. But like Dancere said, forgiveness is so key to your healing. I looked at your profile. You are a beautiful woman! You sound very sweet, too. Let time heal your heart. Surround yourself with good friends and family. Let yourself have a good cry or seek out a shoulder to lean on when you need to. I'm still healing, but every day is better and better. You may wish to block him from contacting you; I know that kind of thing bothers me and just "stirs the pot" and does not help the healing happen any faster.

I am sorry you were hurt. I think all of us have been in many different ways. Wishing you a better tomorrow, and great happiness.

Jen

Yep, someone that selfishly, willfully hurts does not have any regard for you ...

THAT is not love, that is love took a train outta Dodge ...

Simple truth, they will do it again ... and in many more ways ...

It's understandable that you still love him but do you really want to be with someone who doesn't feel the same way about you? If he did he would not have cheated, no matter what the excuse.

I know it hurts like heII but if you let him get away with it once you're only setting yourself up for failure again.

He needs to know what it's like to lose you for what he's done. Only then will you know if he's got it in him to do whatever it takes to earn your trust again and get you back.

O ... And I'd forgive, always ... Dump the toxicity for your own sake ...

But, I would NOT forget and take him back ...

That is just me ...

Some damage is too irreparable ... So is trust gone mistrust!

It sounds like you love him, he may also truly love you - but you may want to ask yourself, seperate from love - is his behavior acceptable to you?

Personally, if I am in a relationship with someone, it is not acceptable for them to sleep with other people. If I am in a relationship with someone it is not acceptable for them to lie to me. If I am in a relationship with someone, it is not acceptable for them to disrespect me....

I think you see my point, it takes more than love to make a relationship work.

I feel for you that this has happened - I wish you the best of luck...

$.02

jezi, you have friends and potential friends here on Mingle, and friends in your community, and family that will help you get through this. I know it's hard, we all do, but you'll survive, and you'll be stronger, and one day soon, you'll be ready to find love again with someone true and honest and loyal to only you.

Since every couple is different and none of us knows the specifics of your relationship, no one but you and your bf can really decide what's best for you. I have never cheated and have never been cheated on- would I forgive a guy for cheating on me? I don't know, since I've never been in that situation. It's easy for most people to say "Oh, I'd never do that!" or "You really need to do this!" Until you've been there, you don't know what you'll do.

I've had to ask for forgiveness for other things though, and I appreciated it when it was given. I will repeat, it's up to you what you choose to do in your relationship, whether it's "stupid" or not depends on how you feel. You've already said you can't trust him anymore; without trust there is no relationship. So you've answered your own question. Trust your instincts, they're usually right. Good luck in whatever decision you make.

Jezi, if I had a time-machine I would do one of two things:

1) Tell her(my crazy drunk bi-polar Aussie ex) to pizz-off and leave me alone at the moment she first met me.


2) Threw her out on the street the moment I first found out she cheated, and change the locks. Fun to do on a cold winter night when she's not wearing any clothes.


I know, it's hard, and you love him, or you did, but your heart will be smashed into a million pieces if you stay with with him. I know this from personal experience.

It's not "stupid" per say, but it is unwise, and extremely difficult. The same can be said about cheating gf's too, just as fraught with lies, deceit, treachery, and lack of remorse. I don't want to sound to harsh, dear, but based on my own personal exp, DUMP the BUM!!!!


I'm sensing a growing consensus already on this thread topic.

Fogiving is never stupid. 99% of the time it is stupid to get back together. Some people do change though, unfortunately that is rare.

Yes. In this case, love is irrelevant because it's not returned. If it was returned, he wouldn't cheat.

Do you still TRUST him? Think about it.

He'll just cheat again...move on