Didn't mean to make it sound like a difinate fact, i just meant it as a possability. I'm just trying to wipe the slate clean, so i can make sure i have a clean reputation in Cozumel.

I know i havent been on but the reason is urgent. i was wondering if this topic could be deleted? I have reason to beleave that someone i know saw this and now they're not too happy with me. i'm afriad that because of this i could end up having a bad rep in Cozumel. i was only trying to understand what the blazes went on. and now..THIS. I have been getting destressing emails from someone involved in this. im not gonna name names but he might have seen this and...well, yall get the general idea.

It sounds like you're blaming others and making excuses for your lack of life experience. You're going to need to get over that and start taking some responsibility for yourself if you want to seem more grown up.

ARE YOU JUDGING ME?? The term "Life is what you make it" is FALSE and UNBIBLICAL There is no such thing as "Free will" in a sense where we always control what happens to us. we only have conrtrol and "free will" over our actions and reactions. If that little fairytale "Life is what you make it" is true, your life would be perfect...its not is it.

I wouldn't mind a woman in her 20s either, in fact Lupita is 22. Its just my family would not be too excited about that. And i would probely have to live with thier disaproval.

Steve finely admitted Lupita and her family moved to Playa Del Carma (across the channel from Cozumel) because Lupita was a poor girl from a poor family and they just couldn't afford it no more, so they moved. Lupita didn't want to move, but just didn't have a choice. she needed money, she needed a job and education (money for that too) and it was just to hard so... Steve and Anna couldv'e just told me. Instead of trailing me along like this.

The older i get, the harder it's gonna be. you see, because of my lack of life experiance, people my age are older than me, its just the truth. I never had the life experiance that most 40 year olds have because everyone just overprotected me. I am gullable and not very "streetwise", so it's very easy for someone to take advantage of me. Because i've been overprotected all my life and i was stifled from doing certain things that normal people would do when they "grow up". I just never "grew up", i just wasn't allowed to and because of that i can not relate to other people my age because they been through alot of stuff i haven't, don't you think it would make a little sense that i would end up with a woman in her 20s? With as little life experience as i have, it would just seem easier. Not that i'm that picky about age or anything, it's that i still live a life of a teenager, have been for 20 years.

Because i was attracted to her and my barber was fixing me up with her. I probely wouldntve had asked her out if it werent for the fact i was sorta on the "rebound" (if i'm using the term right).

The only thing i know back in the states is rejection.Another thing here is i keep getting attention here from beautiful mexican women that i NEVER got from any woman back in the states. I feel like i would have a better chance at finding a girlfriend/wife here than i would in the states. Strange but if thats how it goes then so be it.

Which is better: false-hope or no-hope

For the first (official) time in my life, Just a week before i left fror Texas in July, it happened. I met this beautiful young woman at the local babershop here in Cozumel. her name is Lupita, doasnt speak a word in english but ive been getting vibes from her. And the barbershop owner, Anna who was also Mexican but could speak a little english was trying to fix up with her, right there in front of her. I told Steve (my friend and border who live with us) about it and We went out 3 times but with a "3rd wheel" which was Steve because he was bilingual...VERY awkward. However she acted like she really wanted to be close to me. This NEVER happened before. But i havent seen her in a little over a month. She doesnt have a phone, she was borrowing her sister's phone, and then she had to give it back. And she seems to be missing. Anna (the barber who introduced us) says she's been to her house twice..no answer. Just gone, like she never exsisted
Steve and Anna still insist on giving me false hope about it though. Right now, Steve and my mom are not getting along at all. I'm taking spanish lessons though. Steve takes me and sits in with me, because he claims to know more spanish accurately than the teacher...and the local mexicans. Steve doesnt want me to use the Google Translater or any spanish CDs or any of the internet software and sites like Live Mocha and Rosetta Stone, because none of them are accurate. He seems to hint out only he can help me. Thats kinda scary. I am a bit heartbroken about Lupita though.Someone said maybe Lupita's not avoiding me, she's avoiding Steve. Originaly i wanted it to be just me and Lupita and my laptop with the Google translater, but i think you already know how Steve thinks about that. But here's the clincher: It was her Bday on 9/11. Steve suggested i get her a phone and they sell them at the Mega for only 350 pesos. Steve said i shouldne buy those cheap things. He said you should never get a girl a cheap gift, they consider it rude because thats the same thing as saying thats all youre worth to me. When he said that, i already got her a gift that cost 350 pesos, a pair of ear rings, i didnt know what else to get her. Besides, i guess i just wanted to give her a token of my appreciation for giving me a chance no other woman ever did. I gave it to Anna to give to Lupita when she sees her. Before i left for Texas, on the day of my flight, i gave her a rose and a note written in spanish i translated from english using the Google translater. Steve was saying she didnt understand a word of it. But i told her in the note that i have to depend on my mom for cash so it might be a little hard. And i think Steve told her too...or so i thought. Now Steve is waiting to be paid by Dan (who owes him money) to pay him so he can but Lupita a good phone, not a cheap one (like the one me and mom has which works fine, so i don't why its such a big deal) Inspite what Steve says, it's over and i know it, i know a "brushoff" when i see one...and FEEL one.
Last Saturday, i was at the barber, Anna told me she saw Lupita and Lupita told her she was sick all this time. Last time i saw Lupita was Aug 28, now alot of that time her sister was in town, so it couldve happened after her sister left. Now Anna told me to come back the next day and she would bring Lupita. I did, Lupita wasn't there (i got there at 2:30, thats when i told i'd be there. Anna was doing a manicure fore someone and grabbed her purse and stuff and told me, she'd be right back ( i assume with Lupita, so i waited about 2 and a half hours till they were closing up shop, then i had to go. Again more false hope.

I have a laptop now, took me awhile to find this board again. I was even a victim on what you might call a "drive-by relationship". (Another post)

OK, You know its funny, my late stepdad who was a retired lawer once said to me that if i ever witnessed a crime, they would not call me up on the stand to testify because i would probely cause more confusion, because i don't know how to "explain things properly".

Steve lives with us (my mom and me) as our border on the 3rd floor, he does maintianence works around the house, etc, he's been here from Colorado for 7 years and knows Spanish fluintly, he's doing everything he can to help me and show me around, he came to my rescue from Poco (drunk guy). Get it? sorry for the confuision. I really need a secretary for this. No matter how hard i try i can NOT clearly explian anything.

No, the "friend" you're talking about avoiding is Poco. Steve was the one i came to the square with. Poco was the one who drug me off the street ad into that poolbar.
Are any of yall getting Steve and Poco mixed up?

This is why people worry about me:
Well i went to the sqaure with Steve again. To that dance/get together thing. I went off just to get a soda, my throat was a bit dry. Theres this guy who always shows up at the square drunk (only he wasnt there that time i went by myself...which is a DANG GOOD THING!). First time i met him, my cousin and her daughter was there with us. (the daughter who's 23, showed me how to dance latin, and the "drunk friend" whose neme is Poco joined us, he was drunk (and high?) according to Sarah (cousin's daughter).
Last night, he was there again, he spotted me. he was drunk, he literally dragged me off the street to play pool and have a beer with him. I wanted to order a Fanta or Sprite, but he kept insisting he wanted to buy me a beer, thinking this was some kind of custom, i didnt wanna be rude, so i let him, just took a few sips...taste like CRAP! You know that lime they usualy stick at the top of the bottle, i was sucking on it to get the taste out of my mouth. I seen him step out to talk to a bartender then he took me aside and said he called a girl for me. He wanted me to pay him or something, i didnt really understand him that well he was drunk witha spanish accent so... Time drug on, i wanted to get back to steve because my only attempt was to get some soda and come back. He wouldnt let me leave. I got scared. I told him id get the money from Steve just so hed let me go. He got crazy, he took me aside and said he didnt wanna have to get nasty and he literly squeezed my hand like has trying to break it. But thank God, eventualy i found Steve, he got Poco off my back. And we took a cab home.
why couldnt i have done this by myself? Instead of relying on Steve, why couldnt i found some way to defend myself. One reason, maybe, it would look like he was the victim and i was the perpertrater when in fact it was viceverca. You see, this is why i can never be independant, this is why i was never able to have a girlfriend/wife. Last night just confirms it.
Anyrate it just goes to show i can never go out alone, not even for a few measely minutes to grab a soda or something. Maybe i'm just not the partying type. I hate to drink (even tried a margerita with my cousin, Val, and her daughter Sarah...HATED IT! but i like shooting pool (I used to do that alot in 1994 at small social gathering in Texas, it wasnt a club though.) and i wouldnt mind dancing with a woman if i only knew one. Just trying to find my way. 40 years old and wouldnt even know how to survive on the streets. Thats probely what ruining it for me.

Well, my "barter" is my mom. she access to all the $$$$$

If all else fails pay for a escort or a hooker.. (Just Kidding i think)..

LOL! Even if i was that desperate, just think...where would i get the money????
I'll leave you to think of that scenreo.

My mom wanted to move to Mexico because she thought we'd have a higher standered of living. I have to go where she goes. There was more of us ( my sister and her family) but there was some sort of falling out between my mom and sister, so now its just me and mom here. but everyone in my family seems to think that i'll have more freedom here because of less crime in Cozumel. So its safer for me to walk around without them being afraid for my saftey.

(Questions like this make me wish there was some way i could invite any of yall to my Facebook, if i could just PM one of yall and send a link. I've been asked these questions before, but everytime i answer, it's just unbelievable, if yall could just see my Facebook, though.)

Back in 2002 i was diagnosed, but not thoroughly, by a psychiatrist, and then another docter, in conclusion they said they wouldnt rule out aspergers, but needed more tests. As soon as my family heard that, they jumped on that bandwagon (they also didnt want to spend money for more tests since they know beyond a shadow of a doubt that i have aspergers)....and so did i, cause it made sense, never had a girlfriend, never been able to be independant or get a job and stuff like that, i was socialy inadequate. I'm not really able to read commen social ques and respond to them properly. So it just made sense that i have it.
But i think one of the most frustrating things is a have a life status that noone would believe. the only way they could ever be convinced is if they go on my Facebook and check some stuff out, but we're not allowed to link on here so...

All i was saying is that i needed a little help, and i never really got it. But i did get plenty of counseling from Christin friends saying i should only focus on God and not a wife. They never really believed your life is what you make it because if they ever said that, it would cancel out the existince of God. Itll just take me a while here in Mexico, what with the language and everthing.
The only thing that ever came close to a relationship i ever had was when i was 21, she was 22 and she just moved from Missouri to Texas and she was a little slow at making friends and i was her first, she was having a bad time with her parents and she recently got over a split and she was just desperate to start over and find some friends...PLATONIC friends. The fact that it was platonic was VERY important to her for some reason. For a while i was her only friend, cause she didnt make friends that easly, kinda like me. Usauly when a guy shows unwanted interest in a woman, she'll back off, she wanted to, but didnt, because she needed a friend, and i was her only friend who just so happened to wanted more, ALOT more. She was desperate for a platonic friend, i was desperate for a girlfriend/lover. And you put those 2 elements together...it's a match made in Hell. And thats what it turned out to be...Hell.
thats the only experiance i have to use, which aint that much.

Basicly im just having the blues about turning 40 with no experiance of a 40 Y O man, because i always feel like i need some help in that area. Everytime i try to take any Initiative, i just freeze for some reason. And i just don't know why.