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| Topic: At 40, with no experience...what should i expect? | |
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I was really feeling depressed about this. Since i never had a girlfriend because for the plain simple fact i was just "no one's type" (theyd always say i'm not thier type.) and then for the past few years until last July, i was living in the boonies, couldnt drive, unless drivin, and so it was too far to walk anywhere. and now, trying to leard a 2nd languge, which is hard. But now i'm abit worried because most women my age are married with kids, and even if they're not, they have alot more life experience than i do. I know i can't possably expect a virgin. I can say that once, my dad married a woman who was 20 years younger than him and had a son, so thats at least a glimmer of hope.
And the way i am around social gatherings like that dance on the square every Sunday night, i'm still abit shy...like im back in high school again, ive never really been around people my age since high school, or maybe collage when i last went there 1995, when i took a music class, and even then it just wasnt the same. And the churches were a differant story, they seemed to believe if a man CAN not (not just will not) provide for himself and live independantly outside of his parents home then he can not ever marry...so he doesnt even have any business dating. I never really had a friend who "fixed me up" or took me out to a singles bar or someother social gathering and coached me into talking to women. (or in this case strangers i've never met) Noone ever helped me out of that, theyd just blow it off and say, "Its just God's will you're single". Thats what i've lived with my entire life. I always had a social inn addiquitsy (if i'm using the word right), they say its aspergers. I dont know anymore, all i know is, i feel like i never recieved the kind of help i really needed and now, i'm scared it just might be too late. |
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Never too late, just put yourself out there.
Good luck |
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The first thing I'd suggest is to ditch the "victim mentality". Your life is yours, what happens in it is your choice. Other people can change circumstances but they cannot change you.
If someone says it is gods will that you are single, tell them it is gods will they are narrow minded. Or tell them that god said to be fruitful and multiply and then invite them over for a drink... Many women will not look twice at a guy who still lives with their parents if the guy is beyond early-mid 20s. That could be a hurdle for you to get by but there will also be people who are able to see past the surface to the reasons for the situation. Also, don't go looking for someone 20 years younger. If it happens it happens, but don't look for it. Don't look for anything. Go out, socialize, have fun... to meet people you have to go where people are. Don't go looking for a girlfriend or wife, just meet people and see what happens. |
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^^^^ that's good advice
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Edited by
DBR70
on
Fri 05/14/10 12:45 PM
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All i was saying is that i needed a little help, and i never really got it. But i did get plenty of counseling from Christin friends saying i should only focus on God and not a wife. They never really believed your life is what you make it because if they ever said that, it would cancel out the existince of God. Itll just take me a while here in Mexico, what with the language and everthing.
The only thing that ever came close to a relationship i ever had was when i was 21, she was 22 and she just moved from Missouri to Texas and she was a little slow at making friends and i was her first, she was having a bad time with her parents and she recently got over a split and she was just desperate to start over and find some friends...PLATONIC friends. The fact that it was platonic was VERY important to her for some reason. For a while i was her only friend, cause she didnt make friends that easly, kinda like me. Usauly when a guy shows unwanted interest in a woman, she'll back off, she wanted to, but didnt, because she needed a friend, and i was her only friend who just so happened to wanted more, ALOT more. She was desperate for a platonic friend, i was desperate for a girlfriend/lover. And you put those 2 elements together...it's a match made in Hell. And thats what it turned out to be...Hell. thats the only experiance i have to use, which aint that much. Basicly im just having the blues about turning 40 with no experiance of a 40 Y O man, because i always feel like i need some help in that area. Everytime i try to take any Initiative, i just freeze for some reason. And i just don't know why. |
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Well, usually I would say 'jump in and hope you can swim' but I don't think you should yet. There is nothing wrong with turning 40 and not having experience in certain areas, what you need to do is find something you enjoy doing and do it. Find groups that share a similiar interest, and attend those groups.
Desperation only leads to Hell, sorry to say, you just cannot build a relationship out of desperation...well, you can, but it will hardly be a relationship you really want in the long-run. Like I said, find a hobby or something you enjoy and find like-minded people to enjoy it with. This will help you in multiple ways, it will teach you how to socialize better and will introduce you to multiple people that share similiar interests. Best of luck. |
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Do like i did and buy a Blow up doll!! cheap effective AND they dont talk much!!
   
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Sounds like YOU need, IAM4U's BOOK ON GETTING A DATE...
Go to the mirror and look DEEP into your eyes,,SAY TO IT, I AM A NICE GUY, ANY GIRL CAN KNOW THAT, I HAVE TO TALK TO THEM...AND BE CONFIDENT ABOUT ME. I CAN DO THIS,,,,I WILL DO THIS... Then go OUT INTO YOUR NEW WORLD.... ANY PLACE,,,and PRATICE,,,talking to any WOMAN ABOUT anything,,,THE WEATHER, THE DAY, THE TIME, HER SMILE, HER CLOTHES, Every lady is your target,,everyday,,,TALK MAN,,,,GET POSITIVE, and THE ONLY WAY TO GET THERE,,,,,IS BY DOING... SO GO DO,,,check out counters,,the clerks their,,the lady behind you in a line, or in front of you, a waitress, hell a bar maid. ANY LADY,,,,and it might not happen over-night,,but through TRYING and DOING YOU SHALL GET GOOD AT ADDRESSING LADIES,,and THEY (SOME) WILL HELP YOU TO KNOW HOW THATS DONE,,if your NOT polite, their cuss ya or be pissy with you,,,BUT THATS COOL,,,YOU WON'T DO THAT AGAIN,,lol, Interactions with women will teach you and allow you to become GOOD at talking with them,,and THEN,,,,,and ONLY THEN,,,will you have a really GOOD chance of finding one that LIKES THE WAY YO TALK,wink,, THIS is really,,,,what you need to do..GOOD LUCK WITH THE LADIES. |
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Sounds like your putting much energy into the thoughts and opinions of others...just be yourself, keep your heart and mind open. Do something, anything to help build up your confidence..confidence can be very attractive. Pick up a new hobby, lift weights..anything that makes YOU feel good about YOU, and things will fall into place for you.
May the force be with you 
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Do like i did and buy a Blow up doll!! cheap effective AND they dont talk much!!  And they don't get pregnant on you, either! 
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Edited by
Cinderella75
on
Fri 05/14/10 07:05 PM
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I was really feeling depressed about this. Since i never had a girlfriend because for the plain simple fact i was just "no one's type" (theyd always say i'm not thier type.) and then for the past few years until last July, i was living in the boonies, couldnt drive, unless drivin, and so it was too far to walk anywhere. and now, trying to leard a 2nd languge, which is hard. But now i'm abit worried because most women my age are married with kids, and even if they're not, they have alot more life experience than i do. I know i can't possably expect a virgin. I can say that once, my dad married a woman who was 20 years younger than him and had a son, so thats at least a glimmer of hope. And the way i am around social gatherings like that dance on the square every Sunday night, i'm still abit shy...like im back in high school again, ive never really been around people my age since high school, or maybe collage when i last went there 1995, when i took a music class, and even then it just wasnt the same. And the churches were a differant story, they seemed to believe if a man CAN not (not just will not) provide for himself and live independantly outside of his parents home then he can not ever marry...so he doesnt even have any business dating. I never really had a friend who "fixed me up" or took me out to a singles bar or someother social gathering and coached me into talking to women. (or in this case strangers i've never met) Noone ever helped me out of that, theyd just blow it off and say, "Its just God's will you're single". Thats what i've lived with my entire life. I always had a social inn addiquitsy (if i'm using the word right), they say its aspergers. I dont know anymore, all i know is, i feel like i never recieved the kind of help i really needed and now, i'm scared it just might be too late. Just go out there and take the first step. Flirt with everybody and everyone. Even people you would never even date... just build your confidence a bit. Wink at the lady at the register at Walmart, small talk with the ladies in your neighborhood. Practice makes perfect. Gotta get ready for the real deal. I bet you are just the guy that alot of times ends up in the "Friend-Zone" don't let that happen with a girl you are interested in. Honestly once labeled in the friendzone you're not that particular's womans type for dating. Don't matter how hot you are. Also work on yourself, that will boost your confidence as well. Learning a second language? Well there ya go, are you enrolled in college for that? Thats an excellent way to meet people. You just have to put yourself out there. Its never too late to start a relationship with someone. Alot of people get divorces and they have kids but have to start all over. You can start now! Not tomorrow...today! As far as "they" saying you have Aspergers...who is 'they'? Doctors? I would not label myself of having anything unless I have been properly diagnoed by a doctor. Don't use that as an excuse. Go out there right now, to the store and wink at 3 strangers... and start a small talk convo with one. I know it will be hard at first, but you are in dire need of an egoboost! Good Luck!
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That was really sweet Cinderella
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If you were still in the states I'd tell you to find your local version of this:
http://www.lifesourceinternational.org/aep.html A quick google doesn't find anything similar in your area. However, that doesn't mean there isn't an organization that offers classes, training and social events for people with limited social experience. Check around and see what you can find. Sounds like you need to close your ears to your Christian friends. Sometimes they mean well but need to hush (I can say that...I'm a Christian). And the bar scene doesn't sound right either. Heck the bar scene can eat up people with lots of social experience. What about volunteer opportunities? Libraries? Hospitals? Animal shelters? Volunteer situations usually give folks the opportunity to meet some nice people. One of our hospices just gave a huge bash for their volunteers, and it looked like a bunch of mighty nice folks. By the way, I'm suffering through learning Spanish myself (and I know a lot of others who are as well), so I feel your pain! |
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Oh sweet buttermilk biscuits. Dude........DUDE!!!! You are "no one's type"? Do you realize that women will like a guy that will (a) talk to them and (b) be themself? So you may strike out. You might talk to five or ten chicks before you find a chick that you connect with. But what stops most people from making the effort is rejection. That is the biggest fear of them all, and most people can't handle it. Fawk that! I was that way once, and I am all about seizing a moment. Why not?
You never know what is going to happen unless you nut up and go for it. Yeah, it takes alot to do, but once you realize that you shouldn't fear rejection, it becomes easier. Ever ask yourself how those "bad boys" get the chicks? Well, they don't fear anything. If one chick says no to them, they simply move to the next chick (until one says yes). Harsh, but it is true. And that 6ft blonde that is all leg....or that red head with the nice body and nice boobs...and that brunette with the sexy dress on and desireable lips...they will all be with those "bad boys" because those dudes nutted up and talked to them. I have dated all different "types" of women. Why? Well, I liked them and wanted to know more. Or, they liked me and came to me. But my point is, saying you aren't someone's type is an excuse dude. You would be amazed at what you will discover just by talking to a girl. |
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Oh sweet buttermilk biscuits. Dude........DUDE!!!! You are "no one's type"? Do you realize that women will like a guy that will (a) talk to them and (b) be themself? So you may strike out. You might talk to five or ten chicks before you find a chick that you connect with. But what stops most people from making the effort is rejection. That is the biggest fear of them all, and most people can't handle it. Fawk that! I was that way once, and I am all about seizing a moment. Why not? You never know what is going to happen unless you nut up and go for it. Yeah, it takes alot to do, but once you realize that you shouldn't fear rejection, it becomes easier. Ever ask yourself how those "bad boys" get the chicks? Well, they don't fear anything. If one chick says no to them, they simply move to the next chick (until one says yes). Harsh, but it is true. And that 6ft blonde that is all leg....or that red head with the nice body and nice boobs...and that brunette with the sexy dress on and desireable lips...they will all be with those "bad boys" because those dudes nutted up and talked to them. I have dated all different "types" of women. Why? Well, I liked them and wanted to know more. Or, they liked me and came to me. But my point is, saying you aren't someone's type is an excuse dude. You would be amazed at what you will discover just by talking to a girl. There you have it. Best Advice!
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Edited by
DBR70
on
Sat 05/15/10 05:05 AM
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As far as "they" saying you have Aspergers...who is 'they'? Doctors? I would not label myself of having anything unless I have been properly diagnoed by a doctor. Don't use that as an excuse. Go out there right now, to the store and wink at 3 strangers... and start a small talk convo with one. I know it will be hard at first, but you are in dire need of an egoboost! Good Luck! Back in 2002 i was diagnosed, but not thoroughly, by a psychiatrist, and then another docter, in conclusion they said they wouldnt rule out aspergers, but needed more tests. As soon as my family heard that, they jumped on that bandwagon (they also didnt want to spend money for more tests since they know beyond a shadow of a doubt that i have aspergers)....and so did i, cause it made sense, never had a girlfriend, never been able to be independant or get a job and stuff like that, i was socialy inadequate. I'm not really able to read commen social ques and respond to them properly. So it just made sense that i have it. But i think one of the most frustrating things is a have a life status that noone would believe. the only way they could ever be convinced is if they go on my Facebook and check some stuff out, but we're not allowed to link on here so... |
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Do like i did and buy a Blow up doll!! cheap effective AND they dont talk much!! and you can make'm squeal if you lay on top and prick'em wiff a needle....
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Do like i did and buy a Blow up doll!! cheap effective AND they dont talk much!! and you can make'm squeal if you lay on top and prick'em wiff a needle.... ...which is the ONLY way some men can make a woman squeal. |
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people tried to protect you all your life...the reason they tried to protect you is to protect themselves...and society...they'd rather protect you and have you die a virgin..but you have figured it out, sooner than they would have wanted
action plan 1 -- join a singles asperger dating site action plan 2 -- create a singles asperger dating site action plan 3 -- make a lot of money, then you'll have more @ss than you can pop roko |
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question..why are you in mexico,esp if you arent fluent in the language....
im curious as to how you ended up there. and why you are staying there as well. |
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