Thank you for your words, but I wrote this a month or so back in response to a book I read the first page of. It was a book by Bell Hooks, 'Ain't I a woman, black women and feminism' I believe that is the name and title.

Love is what you make. I sit here and rub myself. Feeling the soft skin around my collar bone. Running my fingers down my arm. I am enjoying my touch. Telling myself how beautiful I am. Thanking God for creating me with such care. I am a complex creature. Living in a world that tries to define my joy. But in those rare moments when I can fully appreciate the softness of my figure like those moments when I am just getting out the shower, or when my nephew crawls over so that he can fall asleep in my arm, or even like now, when I am reflecting on the meaning of true intimacy, I can appreciate the things I know about me and the things I will learn. I hold an affection for myself, faults and all. And I can appreciate myself being just a little too nice.

Being strong isn't easy. It takes pushing self doubt aside no matter how loud it screams in your face. It takes reserving your bathroom breaks to cry because you refuse to allow someone to see the tears in your eyes. Being strong is thankless because it means suffering in silence. It requires pushing that negativity within and transforming it into something positive to show family and friends.

I not sure what being strong really is. I only say these words because my environment told me this was being strong. At least that is what I learned. And if this is being strong. I understand why I hurt so much.

I am glad you like it.
The poem is meant for the main character to be filled with love, even after she was tormented by her lovers deceptive ways. But I also wanted her to grow from her experience and and look back on what she could have changed.
Thank you for your kind words.

I stare up at you with my eyes wide, and adoration on my face. I seem to hang off your every word. I didn't know what love was but, I knew what I felt was as close as I ever been. I wanted to watch our relationship grow; to blossom into a beautiful flower that could only reflect the flow of the moon light.
I was young.
Instead, what I should have been saying was ‘tell me about your five year plan’. I should have been asking probing question that would reveal to me, the Inter working or your heart and mind. I should have been making sure that what you wanted from me was not just a ‘casual’ good time.
I should have done so many things different that I am left with wishing I could go back in time. To start over, and maybe let my younger self know.

This is a hard journey. Especially for someone who has experienced the weakness of the old man, flesh. I admit just earlier this year, I was allowing my flesh to do the leading. But, sometime before spring, if not early spring, I decided to stand strong in the weakness of the old man and pray. At first, I was weak and indulged in a lot of self pleasure, but through a lot of pray and scripture reading, I am no longer a victim of my desire. I found strength in God's will. My next time will be after the 'I Do'.
It has taken me to sitting in the middle of a bathroom floor crying to know that all intimacy is not good intimacy. And indulging in any type of desire, driven by the flesh, the old man, is a price that does have negative consequences. So for those of you who are going through, and feel weak, pray. When the desire of the old man, rise and you feel the pressure building, pray, draw closer to the Lord. It worked for me. And I use to think I was addicated.