thank you for sharing, nvkikigirl...

thank you Kimmy- Its real. I feel.

yes... its kinda colorful the way life passes...

On the commute this morning, gazing...
out of the big flat window of my big bus
sensing the coldness of this chilly day
May morning, I still sleepy
and looking out at springtime's first lie
Sitting here with all of this time
another 24 hour sigh begins
and it's
Its off to the races
to do this worlds bidding
to fulfill some destiny that this morning feels
external
and still a part of me
landscape changes like the faces of flickered playing cards
all blending into my blank stare
my big bus barrels on
little colored auto blurs fly by
carrying life in the oposite direction
cars and trucks and pedestrians each staring
straight ahead at their own lovely day
it is amazing
how there are so many differences
going the same way
Nearing my arrival
the stream I swim in thought
begins to merge
with the buses surge
into a sea of other buses
all with big flat windows of their own.

I can vaguely remember the words “…that a government by the people, of the people, and for the people, shall not perish from the earth”. In my memory, I can still connect with the feeling I got from President Lincoln’s powerful words. He uttered them at a time when our country was torn in half over the issue of slavery- so much so that we bared arms, one side against the other.
Since then our country has been more civil in the settling of its disagreements. We now have a Two-Party system we use to ascertain what it is most important to the majority of Americans, and our battles are waged in our two legislative bodies, the House and the Senate. Ideally, the officers of these two groups of government set out to effect the needs and wants of those they each represent by creating policy in the form of law. Great concept.
If you’re like me, you are probably asking yourself what happened.
We all share a common existence that is becoming worse by the moment, and I keep looking toward that government by the people, of the people, and for the people, and wonder why most people are suffering to the degree we are.
We have become a society that demands accountability for every little thing – the minute something happens we freak out, demanding that someone be held accountable, that someone be punished. I ask you: who is accountable for our country being in financial ruin? Who should be punished?
We are responsible. We are being held accountable regardless of the part we did or did not play, and yes, we are all being punished.
We have failed in our quest to be a democracy, in that we have become, as Bill Maher might say “too stupid to be governed”.
It is indeed incredibly historical that we have finally elected a non- wasp, specifically a Black American to the highest office in out country.
What is equally incredible is that we finally spoke loud enough that the

true will of the people was heard. I mean, after hearing everyone complain about George W. Bush only to see him re-elected to a second term, and after seeing the country say it did not support the war we have be locked into for what seems like forever, we finally acted- if only for a moment, as if we were a country that has a government by the people. Yes, amazing.
Enter the financial crises. Despite the fact that there are those of us that just don’t care about politics, I am certain that everybody is aware of what the country is experiencing at the moment. Money has a way of making Americans pay attention, and care like they never did before. That’s a good thing. Now I’m wondering- why are we allowing
The person that we entrusted with the power to be prevented from doing what we believed and entrusted him to do.
Here goes the problem with the by the people, of the people and for the people idea again. There are people- elected people- that are turning a deaf ear to a vast majority of the needs of a great many Americans. And since this is a government of the people, I’d like to know who elected those that stand in the way of relief for all Americans.
The people- this is our government, right? At least it is the government chosen by the most people, right?
Well, most people are suffering. The majority of the people, including a lot of Republicans are hurting. The people voted for change, the republican house and senate are voting against it. They are playing politics and being obstructionists- when they are obstructing, they are obstructing the will of the people that put them into power to do just the opposite. So much for Lincoln. So much for government. So much for its people.

Getting to the understanding part of it has been a very solitary path.
Still is.
I honestly seek to love more than be loved.
Thats the hit.

Isnt it amazing the clarity that comes from angst?
Thank you for your thank you.

might say Im beginning to do the math. About what makes us happy at the end of the day, and how we are in denial about it. or unwilling to see- or both.
Thank you...

Exactly... every inferno begins with a spark.
Can't get to the flame without it. No matter how hard we try.

I am not here because I do not have love - to the contrary-
I find it everywhere. I feel love because of my openness to it-
not because it is seeking me. Love is seeking its ideal;
that is love is seeking a soul that wants to be loved.
This is different from what most might consider to be
the purpose here- at first glance you might think that
every profile contains what its owner might consider to be
its ideal love situation- listing likes and dislikes as
though the human psyche can fit itself into a bunch of
common traits- I beg to differ that you will never know,
untill experience what magic may be buried under what
we feel may be some unacceptable facade- nothing is
ever what it seems, and I venture to say that what
we seek will almost never appear in the form we expect.
Compatibility cannot be determined by occupation,
or religion, of choice of recreation, or political
affiliation- most of these things dont amount to a
hill of beans when it comes to what helps us feel
whole. I continually seek a soul that is ready to be
loved. For those that seek perfection, or for that
matter anything close- forget about it. You'd do best
to stay as you are.
On your own.

you are picked... U just too darned far...
My snadbox is your sandbox though

Am very immature- or at least I try to be. There are some qualities I picked up during my youth that I brought along with me to the next stage of my life:
Optimism:I tell myself constantly that everything is gonna be alright- and it always is.
Independence: I honestly don't give a _____ about public opinion, because those that matter don't judge, and those that judge don't matter.
Courage: I never allow fears and uncertainty get in the way of what I want.
I'm not on this planet to fail myself at anything, I embrace those that believe that anything is possible, that happiness is personal, and that love is essential.
Humor: Everything can be funny.
I believe I came to cyber dating because I for once wanted to get the hassles of every day life out out of my social life. I came here because I wanted to just see a woman as a woman- without the job, without the image she projects for "the world" every day. Without the
suit she wears for work (although I love them) and without her friends,
family, the general public. without her kiddies raising hell in the backround.
I guess I'm saying I came complete- not seeking any "thing". I must be, no matter how much I seek love, complete within my self or I would be here seeking me- not you.

The change of season, my need to hunker down...
pass through this season where the earth is sleeping
with a warm body, a warm heart...
The trees are painting our sometimes grey planet with
splotches of red and amber, the colors of a fire in a hearth...
Every shiver that the morning brings make me wish I started it tangled up with someone like you...

This morning, something swelled in me- I fully recognized my powerlessness in directing myself toward what is good for me- I don't like being flawed- be it perfectly of not. And since embracing ones weaknesses is the only way to change them, then I need to learn to hold myself- my mother never did- It is my responsibility to touchstone that woman in myself, and embrace me. This- this is being in touch with your feminine side.
I sit here at this keyboard shaking as I am writing these words- I am at once 14, lacking in so much knowledge of myself, a confused kid that lives on a level that most earthlings do not even care about.
"The wise man dieth just like the fool" The wealthy man, just like the impoverished one- Solomon said "all else is vanity".
I believe vanity is the source of all unhappiness and angst.
People places and things I need but do not each a wedge between me and what my soul yearns for.
It is a good day to hug myself.
This change of season has . Indian Summer! My spirit alone runs around naked in the cold. There must be more than me, for me to love, for me to embrace. Unconditionally. There must be more to feel- than the vacancies my desires have created, Yearning for an eternal ahhhh or oooooh I crawl around on the floor of my soul looking for a piece of love, as a crack addict might franticly search for a crumb he just had to drop.
I could sure use a hug from myself today.

I feel as though Ive spent my entire life going through a series of illusions-
each one a a bonefied truth until, the truth be known, I find I have been living yet another hopeful lie. From my fear of the darkness and the Boogeyman that turned out to be a coat hanging on a closet door to seeing someone that made my heart skip a beat yet afraid to speak my heart for being rejected, I have lived a continual lesson that for me, as a human being, nothing is ever what it seems...
Still, standing here in what should be my years of knowing better, I keep finding myself in the illusions of my life- the illusions created by my desires,
my beliefs, my hopes and my fears. as I go through each open door and discover how blind Ive been, I forget everything Ive learned and proceed toward the next door...
Illusions- the illusion that no one gets me- that I am too something or another, that I am at all anything other than what I am is here again.
Id thought Id share that.

New kid in town, I know well enough to come into a community right!
It's proper to throw something out to all, let everyone know you're here and give em some indication why.
North Jerzy, NYC hit me up!

I'm afraid my friend, that our society has changed. For whatever reason
people rarely risk what they have for others. While not everyone is like that- the greater public couldn't care less about society as a whole. We live in an egotopia.