Well... staying in the moment, what everyone says .. I find that so difficult to do, really something I got to learn.
I decided just now to go back to yesterday and get back in the moment, how I felt, what really happened and so on.
I made a list of pros and cons. And I must say it clarified a lot!

There was a mental connection for sure, but not an emotional one. No attraction, and sure a spark can come later, but -and I find this difficult to put into words- at some core level you need to feel that there's an interest in you as a desirable woman. That you can be 'woman' with a man.
But it was purely mental.
And sure things can grow, but then you could attempt to get that with any and every man. I do believe there has to be a basic something there from the word go. Otherwise you're trying to make things work from the head, basically talk yourself into a relationship. And I have done that in the past. That's the Nr1 mistake I've made when it came to men and relationships.

While doing my list, I also realized that I've never done anything like this. I never really made up my mind, like "I don't want this man" or "This is just not the guy for me." Period. (Unless it was painstakingly clear of course.)
I did in a way, but wishy-washy, and if the guy did tell me he was interested, I swayed and let his opinion/feelings be the decisive factor, not mine. And believe it or not, I was so insecure in the past, that I ended up in an 11 year marriage that way ... And after my divorce I did the exact same thing with my 2nd partner ... So I do NOT want to do that a 3rd time.
I think that is the lesson that I needed to learn here.

I deliberately didn't check for reactions from this guy, because this time I wanted to make up my own mind before he could tell me his thoughts and feelings.
And I realise now for the first time ever, that because of my past it is so important to me to be seen for what/who I am, that I forget that I also need to be seen as a woman. So I get all excited when a guy sees me for who/what I am, but that's not enough for a relationship. That's great for a friendship. I need a bit more from a partner.
So .. this guy is a no. A nice man, but not the right guy for me.

Dang, this stuff really is an enormous learning curve, isn't it!

Grrrrrrrrrrr!! Watch it, tta. The girls know I'm the man!



Signed, Milo

Losing something doesn't actually mean a breakup. That is a choice that u made. I'm sure that is just fine. It is unappreciating a Jewel when it is in our hands. We tend to take things forgranted when we have something. It's like have u notice how fans go on and on about a decreased celebrity once they pass away? Some of the stuff they wouldn't have thought of if they were still alive. Well, this is just my opinion. Cheers!!!