I'm tired of being alone, but after the last debacle of a relationship called my marriage I am kind of afraid to commit and get serious. It hasn't been a year yet since my wife left, how long does it take before someone can move on? Am I emotionally and commitment retarded forever? Should I just go out and lay whatever comes my way and try to just screw it out of my system? Are these questions annoying? Ok they are but feeling this way is getting old and I have to change something, what do you guys think?

yes to all the above

You'll move on when you make the choice to.

It takes a man a very long time to recover but it helps to get professional councel so you don't hurt another person who is open and ready to love you. No one can fix your past and we don't know what the future holds all we have is today. To give that love to yourself as you deserve then find faith to heal and open yourself to someone very slowly and honestly tell them what your issues are and hear theirs and work it out together...

If you lay everyone in the meantime you are just using people and may get some sort of desease, I don't think that is very fullfilling in the long run.

Let go of the pain and choose to be happy...

ultimately it is a choice and seek another who has happiness has their main goal too....

It takes work and time...

What she said. But it sure is fun to screw everything you can for a while. Its called therapy, it makes the pain go away.

Only you know how long it will take to move on..
The longer you sulk and thing so negatively the longer you will move on..
Do I think you should screw it out of your system? Err My opinion doesn't matter for that.. only you can decide that.
It has not been a year yet so yeah its still sore and fresh.. it will take time before you think about getting serious again.. doesn't mean you can put yourself there to make new friends and see what happens...

I don't think you can put a time limit on it. You will know when it's time to move on...

It's not easy to move on when you really loved someone. Maybe you just need to meet the right person, willing to be patient and work with you to help you move on. I know the feeling... been there.

sounds like a plan.............a commitment retarded male whore...........LOL


No really when your ready you'll move on till then just ride it out......

This is simpler than you think.

You are ready to date again when you are apathetic about your ex. When you are more afraid of being alone than getting hurt, and when you are aware you cannot, cannot treat any future mate as though they might treat you the way you have been in the past (negative).

Romance should be an adventure and a wonderous joy. If you have fear.... you aren't ready.

Everyone is different. Dont rush your gut feelings. It will be time when your heart says its time. But dont stop searching for someone that sings to your heart.

you need to not get involved with anyone right now..

give it time. it took me 4 years to get over my first love. only i went about it the wrong way. i dated a person broke up dated another.

it wasn't fair to them and i see that now.

eventually it won't hurt so badly. and when it doesnt hurt so badly your one step closer to being able to love someone else.

but getting help by talking to someone might help you move on faster/easier.

I found that sitting at home too much was my problem...started going out dancing and meeting new friends...the hurt seemed to go away with time...just keep yourself busy and don't concentrate so much on meeting someone...it will happen in due time

I wish it was easy as a choice, I wish I could just turn it off, but memories and thoughts flood my brain. And with the laying people, I would not use anymore than I am being used, this world is full of people afraid of commitment, both male and female. I am always honest about that stuff and never lead on that there might be something more than sex there.

different for everyone...
you have to come to a point where it is worth the risk!

for me going out makes it worse, sitting at home alone away from reminders works best, not seeing people I know and will ask me about how it went wrong, not seeing her with her new dude and having to hold back my tears and fists. Once I am done with college in December I can move, hopefully that will help, but I think I need to stay in.

In the words of my friend Glen:

"The answer to every situation is simple if you want positive results: Fill it full of booze.

Dog keeps crapping on the carpet - Fill it full of booze.

Girl is nagging - Fill it full of booze.

Your blender is half full of margarita mix - Fill it full of booze."

In all seriousness, though... You'll know when it's your time to get back out there. Sound's cliche, I know. But I am talking from experience.

I know I have a lot of fear, fear of being hurt, being told I'm worthless and fat and stupid again. I have tried to make certain changes in my life to fix myself, believe it or not I am better an I was when it happened, I have lost about 90 pounds since Jan. 4th of this year, I decided to finish up college and drink a lot less. I guess I am a bit impatient, I want things to change faster, I want to make myself better with out her, not out of spite anymore but I guess trying to prove things to myself. I know she is moved on, I should hope that she is happy, but I am too small of a person where I still want to see her fall, but that isn't my main focus anymore, I have become more selfish and try to work on me. I just want to be better faster I guess, if this rambling makes any sense.

Yep... it makes sense. You haven't reached apathy yet.

agreed. Everyone has their limit and when they heal enough to move on.