It's kind of difficult to make someone seek treatment if they don't want to. Been there, done that...my best friend of almost 18 years has been hiding her addiction to prescription meds quite nicely until recently when it really started to spiral out of control.

She's never listened to me when I tried to give her advice so why should she start now? She's one of those people that always says "Whatevah, whatevah...I do what I want!".

I really believe it takes someone in the same situation to convince a person to get help.

So understanding the situation through experience but not actually feeling it doesn't help?

You can express how you feel, how you see things, how you see the interaction between you both, how you see how things can change for them by taking the meds or counseling. But ultimately up to them to decide when they will take that first step.

Is it better to walk away? This depends on what you are willing to settle for. If you are ok with settling for a 'what if' or a 'when' they seek help kinda relationship stay.

For me, there are a whole lot of variables involved.

And I've dated, oh, probably 50 or 60 women with serious mental disorders in the past, sometimes more than one simultaneously (you learn by DOING, after all), so I know a little something about dealing with such people.

In some cases, it may be better to walk away, but it takes me a long time to get to that point.

I would usually try to talk to them about it first. Remind them that it seemed the same issues and problems kept coming up over time, over prolonged periods of time, and suggest that there are better ways to deal with these things than by just letting them ruin their lives.

Some people are more amenable to getting help than others.

Some people have tried to get help before, and had bad experiences with that.

Some people think they already know everything and don't need any help.

All you can do is talk to them -- make a suggestion. "You know, if you really want to do something about _______, it might not be a bad idea to talk to someone. Someone with a background in that sort of thing."

Don't push, don't force. Resistance flares easily in these scenarios.

Above all, do what's best for you. It's great to want to be helpful -- what's not so great is when you're banging your head into a brick wall for 5 years because they refuse to listen to you, even though your intentions may be the best for them.

Try to help, but know when to let go. It's not easy. I'm still learning. But at least I can see now that my life could have been a lot simpler had I learned this ten or fifteen years ago....

So maybe a conversation about happiness might be a good start?

No, it helps. But most likely the person in question isn't going to buy it.

So phoning a friend to phone a friend might actually work?

Yes, I think it's better to get an innocent bystander involved. Someone who can actually talk to the person and say "Look, I've been there...I know how it feels and you're effing up your life".

The person would not be pissed I told this innocent bystander personal things about them?

The only thing I can suggest is to be open and honest, which you always are, Lilith, as far as I can tell. Why stop now? You seem to me the kind of person who could approach them kindly and compassionately, yet still honestly. But, be prepared that they will not like what you have to say and your friendship may end. If you care about them, and I would think you must if you're even questioning what you should do, then you care enough to be honest. Otherwise, the door would already be closing. Good luck

Thanks, Suzin.... very much!

And yes, I obviously care very much. Once I befriend someone I want them to be happy and hopefully remain in my life. I do not at all want to anger anyone or offend them. Just help.

But, how much of a friendship is it, not being honest with your concerns. And, while they may get angry, you might just hit home and in the long run, they may be happier, healthier and your friendship will be that much stronger.

It takes a very strong person to tell someone what they don't want to hear. I've done it, it's not easy and I don't envy you. But, I decided that I cared about that person enough to lose them, if that's what it took.

I hear ya.... I hear ya. I am fully aware that right now I'm just being a selfish enabler.

Damn I wish I was a dummy.

You're totally right. Thanks for saying it out loud, well, typing it, so I had to face it.

You are far from being a selfish enabler, I think. You are compassionate, that is not a bad trait. You don't want to hurt someone you care about, that's hardly a bad thing either.

You do or you don't. On one hand it could end the relationship, on the other they could end up appreciating the token...this is why I'm glad I'm aware of all my conditions, and that I don't really care.

If it's understood that "happiness" is not going to end up as a one-sided circumstance. There is such a thing as "trying too hard."