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| Topic: Children are bad for marriage? | |
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The other morning I read an article on the fact that 90% of couple feel
increasing dissatisfaction with their marriage after having children. Factors that increase that sense of dissatisfaction are living together prior to marriage and coming from a family w/ divorce. It didn't seem to take something into consideration that I feel it important to note. It used to be that people got married expecting to have children and when they picked a spouse, that was factored into the math. Not so much anymore. Instead of "this is the person I want to spend my life w/ and have children with" it is more like, "this is the person that brings me the most joy and happiness and I want to spend my life w/." I think it comes down to the fact that we are more selfish these days. I think that many people marry because of the way the other person makes us feel, not because we love the person and want to make the other person happy. We live for ourselves, not others. Therefore adding children into the mix screws up the math. This person who gave us the most joy and happiness now has someone else distracting him or her. The kids have become a barrier. Of course, most people don't blame the kids. They blame the other person for not being able to devote as much time to them. It they loved each other enough, then the kids wouldn't have become between them. Maybe it wasn't meant to be? Maybe their love wasn't strong enough? Of course, most people don't realize that this is stemming from selfishness and not a lack in either party. They want what they always had before the kids. They think they should still have it w/ the kids. They don't realize that they can let the children bring them together, but in a new direction. I think this is the reason you see such an increase of parents in the 90's asking thier own parents to take the kids so they and the spouse can go on a vacation alone. They still think in terms of the couple rather than the family. Or maybe I'm completely off the mark. But I suspect I'm not. |
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I think it comes down to lack of sex after you have kids...
Ack ack ack ack |
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I think it comes down to lack of sex after you have kids... Ack ack ack ack 
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i concur, all that useful energy is being used on a 24 hour sh!t machine
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I think it comes down to lack of sex after you have kids... Ack ack ack ack Some people must must manage it. Or how do some of those people have tons of kids. Outside of invetro-fertilization by quack doctors.... |
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I think it comes down to lack of sex after you have kids... Ack ack ack ack Some people must must manage it. Or how do some of those people have tons of kids. Outside of invetro-fertilization by quack doctors.... I'm talking about the whenever and wherever you want variety. Squeezing in sex between picking up Jimmy from hockey and Joey from gymnastics kinda takes a lot of the fun out of it... Ack ack ack ack |
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I saw that article too! Stupid, stupid, stupid.
IF you lack sex after marriage and/or kids..then one must look at themselves and ask WHY?? |
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I saw that article too! Stupid, stupid, stupid. IF you lack sex after marriage and/or kids..then one must look at themselves and ask WHY?? My friend has 4 daughters. She had developed a thyroid problem that that took 2 years to identify. She felt bad that her sex drive decreased. Down to 4 times a week. She and her husband hadn't been lacking in the sex department w/ 4 kids. The last three were one after the other. Apparently, they were managing to have it at least once a day prior to the onset of the thyroid problem. |
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 I think they ruin everything
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hmm, suppose it depends on what you find fufilling in life. I dont think kids are wrong for me. I am more conserned that I would not meet my own expectations of the father figure in my own head. Ill try if it happens. suppose I should worry about getting a woman who would like to hang around long enough to think about kids first tho.
that study when I read it reminded me of si-fi movies where the alien race got to inteligent for itself and stoped procreating. something to be said about ignorent bliss and animalistic sex. *shrug* |
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The other morning I read an article on the fact that 90% of couple feel increasing dissatisfaction with their marriage after having children. Factors that increase that sense of dissatisfaction are living together prior to marriage and coming from a family w/ divorce. It didn't seem to take something into consideration that I feel it important to note. It used to be that people got married expecting to have children and when they picked a spouse, that was factored into the math. Not so much anymore. Instead of "this is the person I want to spend my life w/ and have children with" it is more like, "this is the person that brings me the most joy and happiness and I want to spend my life w/." I think it comes down to the fact that we are more selfish these days. I think that many people marry because of the way the other person makes us feel, not because we love the person and want to make the other person happy. We live for ourselves, not others. Therefore adding children into the mix screws up the math. This person who gave us the most joy and happiness now has someone else distracting him or her. The kids have become a barrier. Of course, most people don't blame the kids. They blame the other person for not being able to devote as much time to them. It they loved each other enough, then the kids wouldn't have become between them. Maybe it wasn't meant to be? Maybe their love wasn't strong enough? Of course, most people don't realize that this is stemming from selfishness and not a lack in either party. They want what they always had before the kids. They think they should still have it w/ the kids. They don't realize that they can let the children bring them together, but in a new direction. I think this is the reason you see such an increase of parents in the 90's asking thier own parents to take the kids so they and the spouse can go on a vacation alone. They still think in terms of the couple rather than the family. Or maybe I'm completely off the mark. But I suspect I'm not. It's more a version of "buyer's remorse"- nobody bothers to take time to really know a person before they marry anymore, which results in people getting ticked off at the simplest and most benign things they do. Couples get married, only to realize at some point that they probably SHOULDN'T have gotten married, which often results in a divorce. It gets even dicer when kids are brought into the mix, as they have to deal with the selfishness of the parents. It's like I always tell my friends- if you wanna keep partying, then don't get married and DON'T have kids. |
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