100% FREE ONLINE DATING
sponsored links
Previous
| Topic: Okay...here goes | |
|---|---|
|
|
|
I use to think just like you & I got myself into a huge mess because of it........never again....it makes for an unhealthy relationship.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
She will be five next month! And absolutely the light of my life! That is the issue altogether!! If I did not have her as my first priority, I would not even be worrying about it. He is absolutely wonderful with her. A kind and gentle man. She adores him. It just worries my family that he might not be the choice role model for her. They are telling me that I want to find someone absolutely perfect for her. My issue is that there are plenty of very very successful people in this world that suffer from different kinds of mental illnesses. It of course is a struggle, but if the person works at it I do not believe it is impossible to still be a good parent and role model if you have issues.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
What do you know about this man's past? How does he behave when he decompensates? Has he ever gone off his medication before? Has he been psychiatrically hospitalized? For how long?
You must answer these questions, and NOT from him, before you decide anything. Your daughter deserves that. And IMO, who you choose to be in a relationship with has to be in her best interests, no matter how sweet or kind he seems now. You need all the information. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I use to think just like you & I got myself into a huge mess because of it........never again....it makes for an unhealthy relationship. Think like me how? What makes for an unhealthy relationship? A person with an illness cannot have a good relationship and strong bonds with people? I am just trying to get a good feel for what you are saying. Not trying to bait. I just want to understand. Are life experiences that which dictate how ALL people with an illness truly are? Do you feel that people are textbook something or other? Do you feel that you can put all people within a box and sum them up according to what there diagnosis is? |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I made him a part of my life prior to knowing about these issues. I already have an emotional bond with this man. I did not know about it prior. I do not want to leave him when he is at his worst. It has nothing to do with looking for someone who has issues or low self esteem. I actually am quite good in that area. Did he hide these issues from you? How long were you involved with him before he told you about them? How long have you been with him? |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
What do you know about this man's past? How does he behave when he decompensates? Has he ever gone off his medication before? Has he been psychiatrically hospitalized? For how long? You must answer these questions, and NOT from him, before you decide anything. Your daughter deserves that. And IMO, who you choose to be in a relationship with has to be in her best interests, no matter how sweet or kind he seems now. You need all the information. He has yes been impatient for about a few days. He just tends to isolate himself from others when he is doing poorly. He does not act out anything weird. Just seems to be a bit reclusive when he is not doing well. As for treatment. Yes he has gone a long time without meds, but is currently making the right choices. He wants to seek long term care and is in a program with counseling and psychiatric help. He is making choices based on his future and being healthy. I think that in talking to all of you and truly listening, I have decided to limit my daughters interaction at this point. I think I need to closely observe his personality type and how he deals with these things. I cannot risk her being hurt. Not that I feel he would physically harm her in any way. He is not that type. But, I do not want her getting emotionally attached and then have to break it off. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I made him a part of my life prior to knowing about these issues. I already have an emotional bond with this man. I did not know about it prior. I do not want to leave him when he is at his worst. It has nothing to do with looking for someone who has issues or low self esteem. I actually am quite good in that area. Did he hide these issues from you? How long were you involved with him before he told you about them? How long have you been with him? NO! He did not hide these issues from me in any way. He told me about them about a few months after we got involved and established. I do believe in boundaries and trust. This is not the kind of thing that you expose on a first or second date, hehe. But he was very open and honest about the whole thing. I did not see it as much of an issue until he became symptomatic. It did affect our relationship a bit and we stopped seeing each other for awhile. We have been dating on and off for about a year now. I have known him for much longer. But he was more of an acquaintance before we were dating. We have become very very closely knit in the past year. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I know how hard this can be. It's imperative he prove to you and your daughter he can be stable and consistent, and right now his history says he won't be.
That does not mean he won't take his meds and do well, but you are right on, you can't take that risk, not with your daughter. She lacks the capacity to understand what his issues are. As with all kids, she will most likely think if he isolates it's her fault. I wish you all the very, very best. Perhaps when he has a period of stability under his belt you could persue relationship counseling and you could learn more about the potentiality of a serious relationship with him. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I know how hard this can be. It's imperative he prove to you and your daughter he can be stable and consistent, and right now his history says he won't be. That does not mean he won't take his meds and do well, but you are right on, you can't take that risk, not with your daughter. She lacks the capacity to understand what his issues are. As with all kids, she will most likely think if he isolates it's her fault. I wish you all the very, very best. Perhaps when he has a period of stability under his belt you could persue relationship counseling and you could learn more about the potentiality of a serious relationship with him. Very good point. She might misinterpret his actions when he is not well. That could be very harmful to her security and relationships with men in the future. God, being a single parent is not very easy. You can no longer make decisions for yourself and what makes you happy. I wouldn't trade my child for the world, but god is this tough. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I know I'll get blasted for this but entering into a relationship with so many issues is just not something I would ever do.
While I am far from perfect I don't carry baggage like drug/alcohol dependencies, mental illnesses, or even clinging to old relationships Why would I want to take on so many possible problems? there are many other men in the world who don't have such problems, I don't need to get involved with someone with issues |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Buffry, the facts are that this most likely won't work out based on mental illnesses and relationship success rates in general (with healthy folk).... he may be a lovely man. But your parents are right.
I hope you have the strength to do whatever you feel is right for you, as you will choose what you feel is best. And we'll support you in that. Just be careful. I know a lot about MI as well, but what I see now (as opposed to my last MI position) is the bad side. The side you read about in the papers. The scary and dangerous side. Just keep in mind that we all have potential to do things not in our overall nature. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I know I'll get blasted for this but entering into a relationship with so many issues is just not something I would ever do. While I am far from perfect I don't carry baggage like drug/alcohol dependencies, mental illnesses, or even clinging to old relationships Why would I want to take on so many possible problems? there are many other men in the world who don't have such problems, I don't need to get involved with someone with issues There is nothing wrong with that at all. Every person has their own boundaries/wants/needs. What makes you comfortable is not necessarily what will make someone else happy. To the core, I do not want these things for myself or want hardship in any way. It is not something that I dreamed of by far. But the fact of the matter is. That regardless of his illness. He possesses qualities that the common person does not. He is incredibly smart, loyal to the core and would absolutely give me the world if it was attainable. We have a bond and a love that most would envy. But every situation has its flaws. Nothing is absolutely perfect in every way. It is just a matter of whether our bond and undying love and affection for each other is more important than the potential hardships that I might face in being with him. A pros and cons list is definitely going to come into play in this situation. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
It sounds to me he has a mad case of depression.
Having been depressed myself on occassions there is no better healing then support and love. When you can find words of encouragement and well being that does alot to a mind that doesn't want to do anything anymore. As you know Meghan I am not a big fan of medication from the FDA. If you can research on natural remedies instead so he can slowly get off the medication and not have these mood swings then that would be a start. Sometimes medication doesn't really help like they say they do. He will require alot of support and attention in which I don't think you have a problem with because you love him very much as he does you. Find fun activities to do with him that keeps his mind joyful and happy. I am sure if you see him happy you will be happy also. This is just a little bit of advice, but it is a start. Love isn't something you find around the block so easy. Once you have it, take care of it. It has worked for me and I am going on my 21st year of marriage. 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Buffry, the facts are that this most likely won't work out based on mental illnesses and relationship success rates in general (with healthy folk).... he may be a lovely man. But your parents are right. I hope you have the strength to do whatever you feel is right for you, as you will choose what you feel is best. And we'll support you in that. Just be careful. I know a lot about MI as well, but what I see now (as opposed to my last MI position) is the bad side. The side you read about in the papers. The scary and dangerous side. Just keep in mind that we all have potential to do things not in our overall nature. Thank you all for your support. I have some things to tend to. I will check this later. Mwah |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
It sounds to me he has a mad case of depression. Having been depressed myself on occassions there is no better healing then support and love. When you can find words of encouragement and well being that does alot to a mind that doesn't want to do anything anymore. As you know Meghan I am not a big fan of medication from the FDA. If you can research on natural remedies instead so he can slowly get off the medication and not have these mood swings then that would be a start. Sometimes medication doesn't really help like they say they do. He will require alot of support and attention in which I don't think you have a problem with because you love him very much as he does you. Find fun activities to do with him that keeps his mind joyful and happy. I am sure if you see him happy you will be happy also. This is just a little bit of advice, but it is a start. Love isn't something you find around the block so easy. Once you have it, take care of it. It has worked for me and I am going on my 21st year of marriage. Thank you soo much John! Your words always enlighten me with a very very different view! Thank you! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
It sounds to me he has a mad case of depression. Having been depressed myself on occassions there is no better healing then support and love. When you can find words of encouragement and well being that does alot to a mind that doesn't want to do anything anymore. As you know Meghan I am not a big fan of medication from the FDA. If you can research on natural remedies instead so he can slowly get off the medication and not have these mood swings then that would be a start. Sometimes medication doesn't really help like they say they do. He will require alot of support and attention in which I don't think you have a problem with because you love him very much as he does you. Find fun activities to do with him that keeps his mind joyful and happy. I am sure if you see him happy you will be happy also. This is just a little bit of advice, but it is a start. Love isn't something you find around the block so easy. Once you have it, take care of it. It has worked for me and I am going on my 21st year of marriage. Thank you soo much John! Your words always enlighten me with a very very different view! Thank you! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
It sounds to me he has a mad case of depression. Having been depressed myself on occassions there is no better healing then support and love. When you can find words of encouragement and well being that does alot to a mind that doesn't want to do anything anymore. As you know Meghan I am not a big fan of medication from the FDA. If you can research on natural remedies instead so he can slowly get off the medication and not have these mood swings then that would be a start. Sometimes medication doesn't really help like they say they do. He will require alot of support and attention in which I don't think you have a problem with because you love him very much as he does you. Find fun activities to do with him that keeps his mind joyful and happy. I am sure if you see him happy you will be happy also. This is just a little bit of advice, but it is a start. Love isn't something you find around the block so easy. Once you have it, take care of it. It has worked for me and I am going on my 21st year of marriage. Thank you soo much John! Your words always enlighten me with a very very different view! Thank you! |
|
|
|
|
