Let me start by explaining what a loser means to me:

Somebody who lies, is unreliable, cheats on you, steals from you, treats you and your family badly and constantly looks for ways to weasel their way back into your life when you break up.


I was inspired to ask this question because I recently had a date with an exgirlfriend from long ago. For whatever reason it did'nt work out but for me she was the one who got away.

I drove an hour there for lunch and we hung out and I was feeling pretty good about it and looking forward to seeing her again. I though she was wonderful. She's hard working, very responsible, a great mom and I still think she's adorable.

Later that day when I called her to suggest we should spend some more time together, she told me we'd better not since she was trying to get together with her ex. This is a guy who lived with her and did'nt pull his weight, suggested he only pay 1/5 the bills since it was him her and 3 kids, would start endless drama in her house and respected nobody. All this and she says she has to try with him because he has a special place in her heart and I seem too good to be true. OMG!!

I wonder what goes on in people's heads sometimes.

I don't know about the loser thing, but I often find myself attracted to men with many of the same personality traits of my ex. God knows THAT is a little scary! I shouldn't judge another person's character by the ex's but you always seem to wonder if you are choosing the same path again!

I see what you mean. I became best friends with one my old flames. Nothing romantic now, but alot of the qualities in her I look for in other people. I blame her for my liking bossy women.

So now if you can just tweak "bossy" to "independent" and find that balance...you'll be SET!

I too did get back with an ex that sounds like that same @$$hole you ex gf is trying to get back with. I dont know why but my ex still has a place in my heart after everything he put me through. Maybe it is stupidity. Addiction, maybe in some kind of way females are addicted to the mean cruel guys bcuz they are exciting and usually sexy. But, I think sooner or later you ex will get burned by him again and will either be to embarassed to come crawling back to you or will come back begging to be with a good " to good to be true" guy in the end. That's what I did and it was one of the best lessons i've learned. just let her know that your still there for her even as a friend then when all hell breaks loose you'll be there. If she's a good person she'll open her eyes and take the risk of you being to good to be true then knowing the other guy isnt worth her time.

Good advice

This is true for me, as well. I've been involved with dozens of brain-dead morons, and I think I've just about gotten that whole thing out of my system.

But the one I was with who was really intelligent, and creative, and a true individual -- I find myself more attracted to anyone who even LOOKS a little like her. It's as if I somehow subconsciously have reached the conclusion that anyone who looks that way will also have her same traits -- which can't possibly be true.

The unending battle against the simplifications involved in overgeneralizing....

...and apparently, our own inate human idiocy!