I try to think of myself not as an optimist or a pessimist but a realist. I realize that if I do not find someone particularly attractive, then the relationship will not proceed anywhere romantically. It's just a matter of personal preference, really. Obviously, if somebody who is not "my type" messages me seeking just that, how do I let them off easily, without seeming shallow? Do you believe that such a preference makes me shallow?

* grabs the popcorn *

I invite them over for dinner...

No, we all have preferences..
one mans junk is another mans treasure

By the way...want to come over for dinner?

*loads shotgun and eats popcorn*

I'm tellin ya. Most of the threads that used to be popcorn worthy are starting to really disappoint...lol

I'm just trying to find a dinner guest...

it's your personal preference, but your missing out. people can be awesome no matter what they look like..... some women that you'll find, will lose weight, and you'll be drooling later, and wonder why you didn't kick the shallow out of your concensus. i guess it comes with wisdom and time. good luck....

Although that does provide a welcome analogy, it does not provide a solution to the dilemma.

All it actually means is that you know what you find attractive and what youj don't....at least until a really hot big girl wants to get freaky.....then all those Ideas go right out the window.

Is it wrong? No. Will it offend some people? yep....but, any one who is catagorically rejected will be upset....any of us would be.

However hysterical that conversation would be, I politely decline.

Okay...

I do not wish to cause that pain, I know rejection hurts. Maybe I'm just being too idealogical about this.

I fail to see how complicated this can be.

If a person seeking you, you do not find attractive, then simply say you are not interested.

It's that easy, 'I am not interested, best of luck in your search'

Worrying about what they look like, whether you have little depth to your character, is a waste of time.

You think too much!

It is what it is ....

.... however, if you start discriminating against people because of their appearance by being impolite, etc, then shame on you!

Dating preferences are not the same as humanitarian issues.

Delete their email unanswered, and if they seem desperate block them. That's what I do. Nothing wrong with preferences, I prefer men to be gorgeous, crazy and unavailable, but that's me.

Realistically speaking...this is just all just optimistic speculation anyways...


Chances of your inbox being full after this thread are kinda on the zero to minus 5 anyways...


but best of luck in your search.

tell them the spark just isn't there and that you wish them well in their continued search.

yes it does make you shallow if you disregard someone solely on their looks, but then again a lot of us, if we really are honest with ourselves, are shallow in the world of dating. it's in our biological make-up to want to get the healthiest-looking, most symmetrical-featured mate possible to pass the most desirable genes down to our offspring.

It isn't that you recognize that there is no romantic attraction that makes you shallow.... Romantic attraction is as varied as the individuals on the planet.

What makes you shallow is that you are judging someone else only for what they will give to you. You make no mention of what kind of person they are, only that you do not find them attractive... therefore they have nothing to offer you and would they please just go away so that someone prettier can take their place.

Your life is yours, your time is yours, your emotions are yours. You may do with them what you will and no one can say boo about it. But you have asked me (via the OP) if I think you are shallow because you do not want to "seem shallow" to someone you are brushing off because of the way they look.

Man up. If you don't want to "seem shallow" for being shallow, then don't be shallow. Or, do what everyone else does and don't worry about what the ugly people think.