I know it's not the subject of this post, and sorry if I'm intruding, since I don't know those involved...but...

TexasScoundral, why would you want a woman who would settle for less than the relationship she desires in the first place? Seems like she wouldn't be respecting herself to do so and who wants someone who values themselves so little?

Please don't take this badly. I'm not trying to start anything here, I'm just trying to better understand your point of view on this.

Oh yeah, to answer the original question...no. I will go for it if I have the time...which is not often. Trying on new relationships takes more time than I'm willing to commit at this time in my life. Fear is not my problem...time is just not on my side.

yep i fear a little! I always seem to get trapped! It's like they wait to get a hook in you and then the claws come out.

Sometimes it seems like intelligent people fear too much and leave their desires to people who just go for it and don't really think at all.

Good question Scoundrel. I do believe I don't like rejection and will never find what I am looking for because life is much easier not "trying"

Actually, my ex was nine years younger than me. However, she was also the first young woman that I had ever dated. I actually don't have a preference as to who I date. Really don't let age come into play as to who I would date or not date.

That would make your ex the same age as my oldest son....

Awesome!!!!

I don't see how a woman allowing me to take the time I need to find the woman I want to be with has anything to do with how she values herself. In fact, I feel that it shows the opposite. She would have to have a great deal of self confidence to know in she is better than any other woman.

I feel that relationships have a way of working themselves out. If I enjoy the time I spend with one woman more than I enjoy the time I spend with another I will naturally spend more time with the woman I enjoy the most. If she is really the best match for me everything will become exclusive without either of us even thinking about it.

Jealousy is needy and unattractive. It shows low self esteem and low self value.

I agree about jealousy, but for slightly different reasons. I feel that jealousy is a symptom of an unhealthy relationship.

I think the intention of the person who's dating around is integral to how the other might perceive their actions. It’s easy to see where confusion could occur when a proclaimed quest for emotional gratification and the quest for riper melons can be somewhat interchangeable.

An example, in which I propose a woman would be devaluing herself, (something I see all the time) is if she did not agree with your terms, felt disrespected, yet continue to “wait” anyway. I suppose that is on her, but at the same time, would you know the difference between the two; the one who waited confidently and the one who stoically hid the resentment she harbored, but hadn’t the stomach to walk away? Just a thought.

Question: Must self confidence mean that you feel superior to others? Or have I mistaken the meaning of the last statement in the first paragraph of your reply? If not, it sounds quite harsh actually. I’ve always believed that self confidence is having no need to make such comparisons to begin with. Who or what is “best” is completely relative to individual taste after all, right? Then again, you may have meant, best for you, and I've taken this out of context. If so, disregard this paragraph altogether. Thanks.

So, while I see where you’re coming from…I don’t really GET it, or we simply have very different “taste”. Which is perfectly fine…just makes for better discussion really.

I will say that the last thing I’d want is a man who’d too hastily chosen me, but even still, I would just as soon stop seeing him, intimately at least, while he dated the others and reached his decision. If he’s not certain I’m right for him now, then he can always come back, if he were to become certain, in the future. If he’s the right one for ME, I imagine I’d be available whenever.

Any disagreement here is not about having the patience to wait for the right guy, self confidence, nor jealousy. I simply have it in my mind that the only way for ME to really get to know a man I’m dating, is to proceed without the distraction of other men on my mind. So, I suppose I’m just turning the table, so to speak, and figuring that if a man really wants to know me, he will be eager and willing to jump on board and take that journey, knowing that he can get off whenever he chooses, as can I.

I actually don’t see that my thinking is all so different from yours, with the exception that I don’t run the risk of inadvertently hurting someone’s feelings. Even if I shared your judgments about those who do not accept this dating style, and felt that their pain was a self inflicted result of some flaw in their character, such as jealousy or low esteem, I will still be spared all the resulting drama that surly entails…ohhhh, the drama.

Anyway, since the situation has never come up for me, I’m just guessing my feelings on it. But it is very interesting to learn about. Thanks for sharing your experience and point of view with me.

Here's what I can tell you mad cow, The best woman for me won't be a nag or give me ultimatums.

And yes I do feel that some people have more value than others. Many people do nothing more than drain your energy. Others bring something interesting to the table. Energy drainers have no value in my life. I don't want to be around them. IMHO it's foolish to think all people have equal value.

I quite agree. I don't think all people have equal value, but different values are relevant to different people…that’s all.

I just need some poon!