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| Topic: For the ladies..... | |
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You Know a Guy is Not Good For You If.....
Many women in unhealthy relationships hang on to them regardless of what is happening or how they are being treated. Why? This is a complicated question with a complex answer. It has to do with our specific needs, our cultural indoctrination, our individual upbringing, our unique circumstances, and a host of personal choices and experiences. Regardless of the reasons many women remain with a not-so-great guy, there is one common trait that many women experience: They deny the problems. Women in unhealthy, even abusive relationships unconsciously find themselves denying there are any problems. They make excuses, rationalize away behavior, and justify all sorts of things as they move deeper into the harmful partnership. So, this post is intended to give ten clear signs that one is not in a healthy relationship and that the man you are with is not right for you. If you are wondering if your relationship is a good one or if you should stay, or if maybe you are in the position of not consciously recognizing the problems, don't just quickly read through the list. It may be helpful to take some time and ponder and contemplate the idea before going to the next item. Reflect on your situation, your experiences, and your behavior before you totally dismiss the idea . Here you go! You know a guy is not good for you if... 1. You are constantly making excuses for his bad behavior. 2. There are times you feel fear and/or anxiety when you are around him. You are worried how he will react to you or to something you have done. 3. You find yourself giving in to demands that are against your personal sense of decency or morality. 4. His words of love do not match his actions. 5. You keep justifying and denying those nagging feelings that something is not right. 6. He tells you what you want and need. 7. He tries to inhibit or damage your relationships with your friends and family. 8. You find yourself wanting to inappropriate please him to gain his approval or love. 9. You feel you have to live a secret life (that doesn't involve anything inappropriate) so he won't get angry. 10. He has emotionally or physically abused you. To be clear, I am a firm believer that people can and do change with significant help and appropriate intervention; and with lots of work. However, when a relationship is harming your spirit, damaging your self-esteem, wasting your time and energy it is time to move on. I've said this before but you do not need a relationship that is destroying your spirit or harming your life. There is no man on the planet worth this. And, you don't have to have a man to have self-worth. In fact, being with a not-so-great man is not helping your self esteem it is DESTROYING it. Better to be without a man than be with a hurtful man who is not right for you. Warmest wishes, Jennifer Jones at 5:22 AM Labels: abuse, Advice, breaking up, Finding a Good Guy, getting out of a bad relationshiphealthy relationships, high standards, Jerks, Listen to your gut, self esteem, violence http://howtotellifaguyisajerk.blogspot.com/2008/09/you-know-guy-is-not-good-for-you-if.html This website is awesome. I already know most of this. Learned it the hard way. How do you feel about it, ladies? |
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Sorry you had to learn it the hard way. Because Abuse is Unacceptable Regardless of Gender.
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Sorry you had to learn it the hard way. Because Abuse is Unacceptable Regardless of Gender.  Very true and thanks. Hopefully information like this will help those who are not sure if they are experiencing it or not. |
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With the exception of 1 - 10 I resemble that remark!
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Sorry you had to learn it the hard way. Because Abuse is Unacceptable Regardless of Gender. Very true and thanks. Hopefully information like this will help those who are not sure if they are experiencing it or not. Good information because its easy to fall into that situation but hard to get out of it. |
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With the exception of 1 - 10 I resemble that remark! 
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good posting
one of the few that can actualy help people good for u |
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I agree, very good post..hope more women read it...
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Edited by
Kings_Knight
on
Sun 08/08/10 11:38 AM
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Seriously ... aren't items 1 - 10 self-evident ... ? These are just 'DUH!' moments ... It's called 'being observant of reality' ...
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Unfortunately, any one of us who have had some dating experience, have had some sort of run in with someone who has some or alot of those traits to stay away from. And we usually do.
The problem lies when people become subjective, it is difficult to see what is happening when you're so involved with it. A step outside of our relationship every once in awhile gioves us the ability to be objective, or perhaps a good friend to gently point things out. When emotions are involved..a soft ego then has to admit something is entirely wrong and it's their fault again (this comes from the abusive spouse demeaning what little self respect the person did have) and they really don't want to admit that because then 'he' is right! They have screwed up again. It's a difficult and screwed up relationship for all involved. We were the lucky ones to get out and discover the world is not like that and all men are NOT like that. |
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And for more than a few words in rebuttal...
How a Jerk Gets Women by Smooth Vejita Well, I’ve been reading from this center for about a year, and I’ve recently begun reading the Nice Guys & Jerks section. What I find most intriguing is the fact that the guys’ opinions outnumber the women’s opinions by a large amount. I was pretty sure women would have more to say. As I read the guys’ opinions, I found that most of them were on the WRONG track! The women, though very few, have it all down. Guys, do you really think the whole "nice guy vs jerk" battle is between the nice guy and the jerk? If so, then it’s good that you’re reading this. It’s not about nice guys and jerks; it’s about the qualities that women look for. It’s just an assumption, which is usually correct, that the jerk possesses these qualities. Qualities like confidence, independence, assertiveness, and being a good protector. The assumption that nice guys don’t have these qualities is simply a stereotype. I myself am not a nice guy, nor am I a jerk, although girls tell me that I am occasionally... which is a good signal, if you’re called that from time to time, because it means the girl likes you. (Women are confusing, right?) I have plenty of female friends that are attracted to me, but I never ask them why. I know the reason why. It’s because I possess those qualities: confidence, assertiveness, and an attitude (which I was told by a female friend of mine. I didn’t notice that though.). Some more advice: have a tough attitude in front of your crowd of male friends and be gentle, but tough, with your female friends in private. That’s something I’ve picked up on that works like a charm. It gives the impression that you have 2 sides to you, a tough-*** and a sweet side. I know this because my friend wrote to me, "There are so many words to describe you. You have a bad attitude, yet you’re sweet and a great friend." Showing two sides radiates mystery. Mystery breeds curiosity. Curiosity makes her realize that you’re a challenge. One HUGE quality that seems to separate guys into the "nice guy" or "jerk" category is challenge. Nice guys are seen as too nice because they don’t know how to control themselves when they meet a woman. They fall in love too fast. They open their yaps about love before the girl does. They act too desperate for her. They give off submissive vibes that radiate, "I need you." If you are one of them, QUIT it, because it’s not a quality women long for. They may not say it right away, but you’ll eventually understand that women want a challenge. They want a guy, not a jerk. A guy that can handle himself around her. A guy that can take control. A guy that’s confident, and doesn’t bow to her every wish. If she says, "Hold this," and she has 2 hands free, the challenge in the confident guy will say, "You hold it." Maybe in a joking way, but he’ll say it. That guy lets her know that he won’t be a doormat. And if she doesn’t earn his affection, he is always able to walk and find someone else. He’s not in control of the woman, because he knows he cannot control her. But he can control himself, his own emotions. The challenge in the confident guy can leave a woman if she’s not treating him right, even if he loves her. Why? Because he knows he can find another. This quality in a guy, not a jerk or any other type of guy, just a guy, is very attractive and will make her want to be with you more. Good Luck!! Smooth Vejita Sauce for the goose? -Kerry O. |
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