Why are so many men in their 30s and 40s, afraid to have a relationship??? I LOVE sex, want it all the time, I'm fun, like trying new things but I want a monogamous relationship!

Afraid? what makes you think we are afraid? If a relationship works out, i'm all for it...but they rarely ever do...

Every guy that I have talked to thru any dating site is only wanting to have a fling, nothing more, not even a date. They just want a hook up. Yeah, I'm ok with that from time to time but it gets old and I need a warm body at night and really want to share the rest of my life with the right guy. Maybe I already had him years ago and messed up and that's it?

I have to go along here. It isn't about fear at all; for me, it's about the sheer impossibility of finding anyone compatible. I would love to be in a long-term monogamous relationship -- there just isn't anyone around who qualifies.

that's what us old gents want. we done sowed our wild oats. it's just that it's cool to be a cougar, so now we have to compete with the younger dudes.

The one woman who I really wish I could marry and have a life long relationship with....is not available. She's already married, to a complete jerk who does'nt appriciate what he has, and she's too afraid to leave him.

I would do anything for her, and she knows it!!
Carol are you reading this??

maybe your just looking on the wrong places...web seems to be full of people that either want instant satisfaction or their wants are so high they will never meet anyone...but you never know, maybe you will meet him soon

I agree with Mom, that's also my experience, maybe not even fear as such but just refusal to even contemplate the possibility of a relationship is very frequent in my experience, I meet and hear about a lot of men who tell us right from the beginning that they do not want a relationship, and when you ask them why, they reply something about needing to feel free... that means that they are not ready to give a chance to somebody they meet. I think that we are often more ready to risk it, when we meet somebody we like, and try and build up something and really getting to know the person before we decide whether he is really right for us...

there are some of us guys that aren't afraid of a relationship because we're not getting any younger

Ok so maybe "afraid or scared" weren't really the words I should have chose. And whether it be online, in person, even a friend co-worker just talking about life, a large majority of males in my age range are not willing nor wanting to be in a relationship. I have a huge heart, I'm a great lover, friend, kisser, cook, housekeeper, worker, mom and more. I just wish someone felt the same for me and looked for those attributes.

I used to think the same way. After getting to a "just friends" point with the love of my life, we finally discovered that it was the "friends" part that our relationship was missing.

We've decided to give it one more try and I must say that it is the most amazing relationship I've ever been even though I don't get to see him very often and it's only just beginning.

Monogamous in my relationship.
Over a yr and met her here.

For myself after the divorce of a 17 yr marriage, very hesitant to marry again.

It hurts too much, you don't want to take that risk again.

Hello. I am 36 and I am not afraid of a relationship. I am actively seeking one. I have always been open to the idea of a relationship from day one and I have never been interested in casual dating or casual sex. It is a pity the women who desire relationships do not meet the men who want them as well. They are out there ... tons and tons and tons of them ... the key is finding them.