My daughter is 5 weeks old and her dad wants to be involved but only to see her not to support her. He does many things that would put my daughter in harms way if I were to drop her off. But I feel I will regret not letting her see him.... Is it wrong to just cut him off?

u say (in harms way ) what u mean would he hirt her ?? if he want2 see her let her but with u there what u think about that u got some1 else now??

Hi: If it were me, I would not do anything to put my child at risk for anything, if it could be avoided.

It sounds like the two of you (the dad) are separated. What are the laws of your state about him having visitation rights?

First and formost, he should be providing for his child. Plain and simple.

Second, if you feel that he should be in her life, maybe consider supervised visitation.

Anyway, I would not risk my child's safety, knowing that he could do something stupid.

Hope this helps. John

No it is not wrong, you must think of the child safty. If you feel that the father can put the child in harms way or his surrounding, then it would be wise not to allow him to see the child. But if you would like to have the father to be apart of the childs life you can have him visit at your home or he can provide a chaperone or be supervised, until you feel he is stable enough to vist on his own. As far as the father supporting your child, theres always court to enforce child support. I hope i was of help. Good luck, take care and god bless. jama555us also has a good point.

..the information you provide is too vague for one to come up with a decent resolution to the problem ...

My niece had a similar problem with her ex boyfriend and him not wanting to pay support, but wanting visitation.

Is his name on the birth certificate? Did he put up a fight about the baby not being his? I only ask the last part because he might be obligated to pay support if he has admitted being the father. A lawyer can give you a free consultation about his visitation rights, if they think a judge will agree the baby might be in danger and only allow supervised visits or not.

Your main cause in life right now is to protect your child.....but finding out the legal rights the father has is what I would do. This way if he wants to start calling names...you can show him you have the law on your side.

There are three sides to a story. How do we know your not just being over protective? this is a new born and Were just hearing your side of the story. We don't know what you mean by danger, you didn't explain.


I don't care who anyone is. If you guys have problems other then your child. You both need to keep each other issues out of it. That child needs both parents in spite of what either one may think of each other. To take a child out of any parents life because one doesn't like the other is not right.


What you could do is spend time with him, with your child like you have been. See where things go from there.


Had to add, your only 19, that tells me that the father might not be much older or is he younger? This might explain what your concern is.

Sorry as unfair as it is on some levels you do not get to dictate how your Babby Daddy "parents". Or wheather you cut him off if he decides he wants to see his child.

Can you avoid him? Yes. Can you make it difficult? Yes. Do I advise it? No too often it backfires way before your child will be old enough to have issues with the absence. At five weeks she does't have a clue who her parents are as long a adequate surrogates step up. Later the harm will be real. How severe is probably a guess. What I can guarantee is there will be a cost to her, you, and your relationship either way.

Yes if you can PROVE things he does ARE harming her then you can limit his access but that is a really high bar to hurdle on your own. If you can document it I would but don't count on a lot of it having much of an impact.

One thing to consider since I am sure so many make it the litmus test of love and parental rights (which it not) is maybe seeing her and bonding to her will proceed him actually supporting her; maybe it won't. But what he contributes to her support is irrelevant to his rights as a father. And your chid's rights. Which almost always are to have some kind of safe contact with her father.

And that doesn't just mean dropping her off and letting happen what will. It means provideing a him with advanced information and resources to make the visit as normal and pleasant as possible at a time he willingly agrees to. And doing so in a way that the baby senses all is well and is receptive rather than estranged from someone she will need to have a good relationship with.

That does not mean you have to go running after him, providing the transportation, or teaching him how to parent. Those things are his responsibility. But you can help and in the long run it will be worth it.

Recognizing you have had a headstart and are not supperior will help a lot. So will reallizeing NO TWO PARENTS AGREE ON EVERTHING or that any ONE Way of parenting is necessarily better. generally it is the subtle differences are what make the fact that it takes two people to make a nd raise a child so sweet.

Yes as a mother you still get to ask anyone who takes over your child's custody even for short periods to prove they are capeable. (It can and should be done tactfully) True this would have been a good question to asked before conception, or birth, but you can ask it now and I would recommend you do if you have genuine concerns. Even if you don't it is a step at co parenting and gives you an opportunity to tell you child's father information on how you parent. Given your age and situation I think I certainly would. Chances are if you are not together now you won't be and you are going to eventually be dealing with someone who wants to know.

And I would probably ask the powers that be to help me make that determination. Even before something negative happens. A legitimate father would not mind that kind of questioning at a private counseling session or peer parenting class. It doesn't have to be adversarial.

However you do have to be aware that when you ask professionals to intervien in your family you have to live with their decesions. And I would not count on it turning out totally in your favor. Not that I know you personally; I don't. But; I know the courts and stressed social systems, and they are tired of mopping up these kinds of thing that tends to get messy and expensive when they get involved. Your child could end up in foster care and or your rights being severed and your kid up for adoption. So, I would show up and participate in any resources you call upon in a serious and committed way.

And since the father's support is irrelevant wheather you still have to provide her with neccessities, no excuses, I have a hard time understanding why are you now wasteing energy on this? As a single Mom I learned you have to pace your energy and pick only the fights you have to win. Use the time and energy to find more education, better employment, long term houseing, and a strong community of support.

There are some great resources here on Mingle. Lot of experience and referrals and honest input. Hope it helps. Good luck.

Hmmm....if he is the biological father of the child...doesn't he have a right to get to know her...his wanting to participate in her life seems like a good thing.

Having said that....I would suggest he gets to spend time with her...whilst you AND another responsible adult is there...she is 5 weeks old!...also the 'other' responsible adult is an independent witness...for both of you.


I would seek legal advice first.

What about supervised visits? Also, go to court for child support.

Hmmm your baby is tiny, and as a Mum I didnt let my babies go anywhere until they where older..

If he want to be Dad thats fine, all children need both parents, but you two have to work out what is best and for now that is probably that he sees her with you ,s o she can be fed and looked after, have the security of things familiar around her while she gets to know him . And yep what Jess said is the best idea have someone else there, that way they can see how things go , but dont pick someone who doesnt like him, that will just make it harder..

You are both young and have lots of time to work things out, but for her without she is going to be in Danger she needs her Dad.