There is an obstacle in my dating routine that I just can't seem to get past. After getting knocked down by it for about the 5th time in a row, I'm going to have to ask for advice on this one. This is new to me and not supposed to be how dating works.

So.. it always seems to be the same routine. I meet someone new, she seems very interested, I also become interested, we exchange phone numbers, facebook, etc, we enter the "we're talking" stage. We talk for a week or two, learn all about each other, express even more interest, that we like what we are hearing and are lucky to have met and so on. Arrangements are made for a first date (or meeting, in mingle cases), I get excited, she seems excited, things are going well in my eyes, no-one is being creepy, rude, controling, weird, etc... all of the potential is there!

And that's when it happens.. About 3-4 days before the first date, suddenly the texts or calls or emails just stop. The attention I was getting is suddenly just stripped away. I don't sweat it, I don't freak out, as I am used to this happening by now. I calmly wait until the end of the day, or the next day, and send out a simple "hey, how are you doing today?" or something like that. I either get a one word reply like "good" or "busy" or just get ignored all together.

By the time our planned date comes around, my crush has disappeared into thin air. I will ask "Hey are we still meeting up today?" but won't get a response. And that's it, I'll never hear from her again. I even had one just delete and block me online for no apparent reason.

I don't get it. I don't understand. I would understand the abandonment if I was being a pig, being rude, being creepy or something like that, but I'm sure that isn't the case. How can things be going along so well one day and then gone the next? People's feelings, emotions, and interests don't change overnight.

Is it normal for this to happen? It's most certainly not normal for me, I don't approach dating in this fashion. Do women think it's ok to just up and disappear at will? I'm getting tired of clearing my schedule for a first date and then ending up sitting around with my phone waiting for a call that never comes. I feel like I must be doing something wrong, or that there is something wrong with me. What can I do to stop women from standing me up? Women leave like that when there are serious problems, what do I need to change?

Can you help me minglers?

Could be a number of reasons, not into you, cold feet, shyness, car accident, someone else, I would just move on and find some one that is worthy of your time, just my thoughts.

Hmm... I'm at a loss on that one... I don't know why women are standing you up.. What a conundrum But, I'd have to agree with waterbearer... Just move on, cause, apparently, these women have other things going on that push you to the back burner.

I'm fed up with moving on.

It's hard to understand if they don't give you a reason. I don't get why someone would just not contact without telling you why. Maybe she hasn't figured out who she is yet. Some people think they know themselves......and then BAM!.....they change completely. Don't give her the time of day ever again. She sounds dodgy.

I've seen this happen with a couple of my friends lately. Shake it off. It's not you. Today many people do not commit to courtesy as they should. It's become a culturally excepted behavior that I'm afraid is causing too much pain and confusion. This all comes from the other persons insecurities, it has nothing to do with you personally.

I feel sorry for people today having to go through meeting and dating. It's so easy to put out a facade as bait and many are living off of these baits to get by. The attraction attention span is far lower today than pre-internet days. It's more like a "shopping for singles" TV program than good honest get to know you values these days.

Love will find you, so be you, to find love.

This is a tough one, but one thing is you shouldn't let it get to you. I know it is hard, I've had this happen before(mainly when I'm in a relationship with the guy) it isn't easy. Just think positively and try to avoid girls that seem to do these sort of things. There never really is a good excuse for this to happen, but unfortunately it happens and the best thing is to just move on and not let it get to you. Good Luck

No, it isn't normal. Standing someone up is a sh*tty thing to do. I've had it happen twice this year.

I'm not sure any of us can help you figure out why, though. Some people (not just women, as this isn't a women thing)are just jerks. And none of us know what's being said around the time it happens.

Good luck, though. I hope you end up finding someone who doesn't treat you like that.

I don't know what the norm is with dating these days, but I've never done that with any of my dates before and I haven't heard of anyone I know IRL where that has happened.

It just may be plain bad luck, they weren't as interested as you've thought or they weren't who they portrayed themselves to be. In any case, if you haven't known the person long, (and a few days or weeks of talking to them is not knowing them long enough) just take what they say with a grain of salt.

When you do set a date, tell them to verify it with you a few days before you make arrangements.

They can. Your 'Adored One' can 'find a better deal' and ::::poof::: you're yesterday's news. People looking for a new permanent relationship can be ruthless when it comes to fulfilling their heart's desires. They can be like kids in a toy store-- when they see another one that they fancy more, they'll completely ignore their conscience and do whatever they feel is necessary to obtain the shiny new toy laid at their doorstep.

Oh, I'd bet deep down the know that what they're doing isn't too nice, but they'll find some way to justify it--- and keeping contact with the person they weren't too nice to just interferes with the justification way too much. So, they run and hide.

And the Internet makes that so easy to do. It's why I have such little faith in online dating-- you can't see the 'tells' that someone is just infatuated with you or is just plain lying to you and ready to leave you standing out in the cold.


-Kerry O.