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| Topic: Husband Material | |
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I'm sure many are going to have differing opinions here so I thought I would start out with pros in the field.
How to Know if He's Husband Material Let's start off with some professions in the field. When it comes dating, there can be two types of guys: great boyfriends and great husbands. Both have their attributes, but when it comes to long-term relationships and thinking about the future, a woman has to seek out the type of guy suited to be a husband. As you evaluate men in your life, learn how to know if they are husband material. 1 Watch that he's sensitive and reliable. Does he try to take care of you? Does he look out for you, bring a blanket or jacket in case you get cold, ask how your day was and actually listen for the response? This caring and dependable nature is a great indicator of a future husband. He's attentive and genuinely cares for you, now and later. 2 See if he's a hard worker. Guys more suited for life as a permanent boyfriend either care less about work and focus only on play or are so wrapped up in success, money and careers that they have time for little else. Guys with potential for being great husbands work hard, are driven and productive, but they value a balance between work and life, and their hard work is often motivated by the drive to build a foundation for, and ultimately help to provide for, a family. 3 Ask yourself if he talks about the future. Does he like to dream forward with you, sharing hopes and wishes about life, work, your future family and life together as a couple? Chances are he's not only at a point in his life where he's ready to marry, but he's also dreaming about you when it comes to marriage. It's a big deal--a big step forward for guys--and for them, being open to discussing it is huge. 4 Know that he is genuinely interested in being part of your life and that of your family. Does he readily go with you to family functions, or does he hesitate and ask if he must go? Marriage is all about the joining of two families, so a potential husband should respect that and exhibit a natural desire to spend time with the family he hopes to be a part of. 5 Feel that he knows the depths of the real you. He asks the tough questions, challenges you to be a better person and complements you in a way you couldn't have imagined. Great conversations that get to the core of our souls and beings make for great, lasting marriages. 6 Realize that he is your true best friend, and that despite ups and downs, there is no one you would rather be spending time with, especially if it is doing absolutely nothing. |
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Ellen Fist
What makes a man husband material? Lots of things. But there are some things that need to be present in a man's character to make him a quality life partner and a good match for you. They are listed below. Integrity You are looking for someone who keeps his word and is consistent. If he says that he will change your taillight for you, then he should do it. If he says that he has faith in God, then he should live a life that shows that. If he gives someone his word that he will help them, then he should do it, even if it means missing time with you. That is not to say that he can never make a mistake or change his mind about something when he realizes that he made a mistake. Being able to drop unimportant things for an emergency is also another important quality, but in general, he should keep his word. Why is it important that a man have this trait? Obviously, it tells you if he really will mean "for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health." Less obviously, if he does not do the things he says he will, your day-to-day life will have many challenges. Who wants a husband who blows off dates? Who wants a father who says he will help them with their homework and doesn't? Kindness Every man will be kind to a woman he wants to date. It's how he sells himself. The question is: will he be kind to his wife and to his children later on? It can be difficult sometimes to tell, but if you pay careful attention, you will be able to determine his general level of kindness. These are the questions to ask: Is he kind to people who can do nothing for him? Is he kind to people when he doesn't think you are looking? Does he have a reputation for being considerate? Does he go out of his way to help those in need? Self-Discipline This quality will affect many things in your life. In some ways, it is like integrity, but it deserves its own section because it deals with long-term habits. A man's ability to exercise self-control determines if he will live a healthy lifestyle and live to an old age. It will determine if he can keep a job by working hard, consistently, and intelligently. It will determine if he spends a lot time in jail because of a temper. It will also determine how he reacts to you and his children when times are stressful. The thing to look for early on is whether he is able to accomplish things that require dedication and hard work. Does he exercise regularly? Does he have a good job and work hard at it? How does he act when stressed or angry? What do family and friends say about him? Attitudes and Goals Up to this point, the things to look for dealt mostly with character qualities that are universal. This last quality will vary considerably for each man. It is important that you find a man that envisions a life very similar to what you want. These things have nothing to do with having good or bad character, but will greatly affect the harmony and accord within your marriage. Does he want children? What faith/church will you both belong to? What are his financial goals and how does he expect to meet them? How much will you spend/save? Does he like animals? Where does he want to live? Does he think that men and women should share equally in household chores? Will he want his mother to move in with the family when she is older? This list of questions is by no means exhaustive. Though you may find a man with a very different outlook on life to be interesting at first, you will be facing a lot of trouble if the foundations of your life are too different. For most, these foundations are: finances, faith, family and sex. Some things you may not know for certain until you are married - namely, many people will not have sex until marriage. But discuss it all. Figure out if your life together can be wonderful. |
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I don't mean for what i'm about to say sound mean. If a guy doesn't believe he has confidence in himself, then i won't believe it either. As it always is more obvious than they might think. You can just tell. I'd rather date a guy who knows who he is and is confident in life. Insecure men can be such a turn off. Some just moan too much, instead of giving their personality a much needed ego boost. I want a guy who knows he'll be good with kids and who can cheer me up with his humor, not bring me down with his constant whining.
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Wow I wish you had of handed me this list when I was 18.
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Edited by
joy4gud
on
Sun 08/14/11 06:16 AM
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I'm sure many are going to have differing opinions here so I thought I would start out with pros in the field. How to Know if He's Husband Material Let's start off with some professions in the field. When it comes dating, there can be two types of guys: great boyfriends and great husbands. Both have their attributes, but when it comes to long-term relationships and thinking about the future, a woman has to seek out the type of guy suited to be a husband. As you evaluate men in your life, learn how to know if they are husband material. 1 Watch that he's sensitive and reliable. Does he try to take care of you? Does he look out for you, bring a blanket or jacket in case you get cold, ask how your day was and actually listen for the response? This caring and dependable nature is a great indicator of a future husband. He's attentive and genuinely cares for you, now and later. 2 See if he's a hard worker. Guys more suited for life as a permanent boyfriend either care less about work and focus only on play or are so wrapped up in success, money and careers that they have time for little else. Guys with potential for being great husbands work hard, are driven and productive, but they value a balance between work and life, and their hard work is often motivated by the drive to build a foundation for, and ultimately help to provide for, a family. 3 Ask yourself if he talks about the future. Does he like to dream forward with you, sharing hopes and wishes about life, work, your future family and life together as a couple? Chances are he's not only at a point in his life where he's ready to marry, but he's also dreaming about you when it comes to marriage. It's a big deal--a big step forward for guys--and for them, being open to discussing it is huge. 4 Know that he is genuinely interested in being part of your life and that of your family. Does he readily go with you to family functions, or does he hesitate and ask if he must go? Marriage is all about the joining of two families, so a potential husband should respect that and exhibit a natural desire to spend time with the family he hopes to be a part of. 5 Feel that he knows the depths of the real you. He asks the tough questions, challenges you to be a better person and complements you in a way you couldn't have imagined. Great conversations that get to the core of our souls and beings make for great, lasting marriages. 6 Realize that he is your true best friend, and that despite ups and downs, there is no one you would rather be spending time with, especially if it is doing absolutely nothing. wow! Thanks for these, i just learn somethings that are very important. 
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This is so true. How I wish I could meet a man like this
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If I love him he is all of those things anyway
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Husband Material.. Not unlike good building materials :-) |
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What makes these things specific to husbands, mg?
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I don't mean for what i'm about to say sound mean. If a guy doesn't believe he has confidence in himself, then i won't believe it either. As it always is more obvious than they might think. You can just tell. I'd rather date a guy who knows who he is and is confident in life. Insecure men can be such a turn off. Some just moan too much, instead of giving their personality a much needed ego boost. I want a guy who knows he'll be good with kids and who can cheer me up with his humor, not bring me down with his constant whining. I'd have to agree with this. Confidence goes a long way. |
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Basically, a guy who is happy.
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Sharing the same values, but with enough differences to help each other grow and make it interesting.
I am an honest, hard-working, caring person and I expect the same in a long term relationship. I am family and spiritually oriented and I'd want that in a mate also. The rest, to me, is icing on the cake and thorougly adaptable. 
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I don't mean for what i'm about to say sound mean. If a guy doesn't believe he has confidence in himself, then i won't believe it either. As it always is more obvious than they might think. You can just tell. I'd rather date a guy who knows who he is and is confident in life. Insecure men can be such a turn off. Some just moan too much, instead of giving their personality a much needed ego boost. I want a guy who knows he'll be good with kids and who can cheer me up with his humor, not bring me down with his constant whining. I'd have to agree with this. Confidence goes a long way. Ever consider that maybe the guy does have confidence in himself, but might be surrounded by those who undermine that confidence? Those people might be family, friends, coworkers, acquaintances, whatever. The worst is family because they are the one group that you cannot choose. Maybe he just wants to find someone he can open up to, and be himself around rather than having others constantly trying to destroy his self-esteem. He wants to be accepted for who he is just like everyone else, but he's an island in the fog. In other words, take time to know the guy rather than judge him at face value. Sometimes people lose their way. When they do, everyone just ignores them rather than reaching out. It's like turning a blind eye when you see someone getting mugged. You know it's wrong, but it's the fear of being hurt that causes you to look away. Yes, some people are too far gone. There may even be other circumstances aggravating the situation. But we are really talking about a stereotype. You can dress it however you want, but that's the ugly truth. |
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Ellen Fist What makes a man husband material? Lots of things. But there are some things that need to be present in a man's character to make him a quality life partner and a good match for you. They are listed below. Integrity You are looking for someone who keeps his word and is consistent. If he says that he will change your taillight for you, then he should do it. If he says that he has faith in God, then he should live a life that shows that. If he gives someone his word that he will help them, then he should do it, even if it means missing time with you. That is not to say that he can never make a mistake or change his mind about something when he realizes that he made a mistake. Being able to drop unimportant things for an emergency is also another important quality, but in general, he should keep his word. Why is it important that a man have this trait? Obviously, it tells you if he really will mean "for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health." Less obviously, if he does not do the things he says he will, your day-to-day life will have many challenges. Who wants a husband who blows off dates? Who wants a father who says he will help them with their homework and doesn't? Kindness Every man will be kind to a woman he wants to date. It's how he sells himself. The question is: will he be kind to his wife and to his children later on? It can be difficult sometimes to tell, but if you pay careful attention, you will be able to determine his general level of kindness. These are the questions to ask: Is he kind to people who can do nothing for him? Is he kind to people when he doesn't think you are looking? Does he have a reputation for being considerate? Does he go out of his way to help those in need? Self-Discipline This quality will affect many things in your life. In some ways, it is like integrity, but it deserves its own section because it deals with long-term habits. A man's ability to exercise self-control determines if he will live a healthy lifestyle and live to an old age. It will determine if he can keep a job by working hard, consistently, and intelligently. It will determine if he spends a lot time in jail because of a temper. It will also determine how he reacts to you and his children when times are stressful. The thing to look for early on is whether he is able to accomplish things that require dedication and hard work. Does he exercise regularly? Does he have a good job and work hard at it? How does he act when stressed or angry? What do family and friends say about him? Attitudes and Goals Up to this point, the things to look for dealt mostly with character qualities that are universal. This last quality will vary considerably for each man. It is important that you find a man that envisions a life very similar to what you want. These things have nothing to do with having good or bad character, but will greatly affect the harmony and accord within your marriage. Does he want children? What faith/church will you both belong to? What are his financial goals and how does he expect to meet them? How much will you spend/save? Does he like animals? Where does he want to live? Does he think that men and women should share equally in household chores? Will he want his mother to move in with the family when she is older? This list of questions is by no means exhaustive. Though you may find a man with a very different outlook on life to be interesting at first, you will be facing a lot of trouble if the foundations of your life are too different. For most, these foundations are: finances, faith, family and sex. Some things you may not know for certain until you are married - namely, many people will not have sex until marriage. But discuss it all. Figure out if your life together can be wonderful. my comment is not meant to be a value judgment because I tend to like people of diverse backgrounds, but I read somewhere that statistically the more you have in common the greater the chance of long term success of a marriage not to mean that people with different and divergent backgrounds cannot succeed, of course they can but the chances are enhanced by sharing as many similarities as possible as far as what those similarities are - I think that's open to debate ( like people of divergent cultures may have a lot in common spiritually or in personal values or financial values to compensate) not what people want to hear prolly but the numbers generally don;t lie I forget the source, however, I think it may have been part of a Kinsey report - really not sure |
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I don't mean for what i'm about to say sound mean. If a guy doesn't believe he has confidence in himself, then i won't believe it either. As it always is more obvious than they might think. You can just tell. I'd rather date a guy who knows who he is and is confident in life. Insecure men can be such a turn off. Some just moan too much, instead of giving their personality a much needed ego boost. I want a guy who knows he'll be good with kids and who can cheer me up with his humor, not bring me down with his constant whining. I'd have to agree with this. Confidence goes a long way. Ever consider that maybe the guy does have confidence in himself, but might be surrounded by those who undermine that confidence? Those people might be family, friends, coworkers, acquaintances, whatever. The worst is family because they are the one group that you cannot choose. Maybe he just wants to find someone he can open up to, and be himself around rather than having others constantly trying to destroy his self-esteem. He wants to be accepted for who he is just like everyone else, but he's an island in the fog. In other words, take time to know the guy rather than judge him at face value. Sometimes people lose their way. When they do, everyone just ignores them rather than reaching out. It's like turning a blind eye when you see someone getting mugged. You know it's wrong, but it's the fear of being hurt that causes you to look away. Yes, some people are too far gone. There may even be other circumstances aggravating the situation. But we are really talking about a stereotype. You can dress it however you want, but that's the ugly truth. Blaming others for whatever issues he's going through is not going to show how confident he is. If someone is confident, even if others are giving him a hard time, his confidence is still going to show. I don't really get why you're comparing this to turning a blind eye when someone is mugged. That doesn't make a lot of sense to me. |
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Well honestly, i don't know then. What am i MEANT to say? Do you want the truth, or something you want to hear? I wouldn't consider dating an insecure man anymore, given that each time i have, he has inflicted his paranoia onto me. I don't want a life like that again.
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Well honestly, i don't know then. What am i MEANT to say? Do you want the truth, or something you want to hear? I wouldn't consider dating an insecure man anymore, given that each time i have, he has inflicted his paranoia onto me. I don't want a life like that again. what do u mean by "inflicted his paranoia?" I think we can all be vulnerable at times, and while confidence is attractive (not arrogance tho), if I love a man I will accept and prefer that he is honest about feeling vulnerable sometimes - as a source of support for him at those times so I am confused about discarding a man at the times he lacks confidence - if u love him - this is when he needs u the most, Emo
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Well honestly, i don't know then. What am i MEANT to say? Do you want the truth, or something you want to hear? I wouldn't consider dating an insecure man anymore, given that each time i have, he has inflicted his paranoia onto me. I don't want a life like that again. I think some want to hear what they want to hear, whether it's the truth or not. |
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Sorry i didn't explain it properly. He was alcoholic. He would constantly put himself down. I told him not to think like that. But hey, a woman can only do so much?
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I don't get people who always put themselves down. I have started getting to know some who were always putting themselves down or making fun of themselves. Self deprecating humor never did anything for me except turn me off.
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