I dated a fella for about 3 years, he knew I was a single mother, and that my son has special needs. Right around year two, he tells me that he wants children of his own, knowing that I had a hysterectomy, due to medical problems.

So I asked him if he wanted to stop seeing me, he said no, that he loved me, so we stayed together. Here's the one for the books, right after we celebrated our third year as a couple, he drops this one in my lap...."Baby, I wanted to tell you this myself. I joined eHarmony, and have been on a couple of dates with a woman they matched me with. I don't know if it's going to go anywhere yet, so I'd like us to stay together until I know for sure if this is the one." Then he throws this in for good measure, "Besides, I don't think I can be a dad to a child who may be dependent for the rest of his life."

Needless to say, have been single since that day, three years ago.

Just was thinking about that, so figured I'd put it on here.

In all honesty, I try to make sure any potential mate who has spent some time getting to know me knows that I cannot have any more children.

I don't ever want to feel THAT way again, like I was suddenly less than a woman in his eyes because I couldn't provide offspring for him.

Hello n Happy New year to you,am sorry to that happened to you.:

Think of it this way.....it was a blessing in disguise that you could not have children with him. Do you really think someone that egotistical should be raising a child? I think not. Sorry you were hurt but I think you are far better off. Good luck to you.

Im sorry that happened to you.

We sometimes ignore the facts right in front of us,,,,hoping for something to change,,,,

I'm sorry that he led you on like that.

He was simply another cad for doing that. Sorry it happened.

I am so sorry that you were so hurt by this person.

Nobody gets a crystal ball that tells us what is in the future and no one can anticipate that someone would be such a low down dog to pull this stunt.

I commend you for not throttleing him when he fessed up initially but I don't think I would have given him another minute. Live and learn and never speak to him again.

But don't let it discourage you there are better guys out there. And a s sweet as you are they will be glad to have you and your child regardess if you are popping out more kids.

I think any person who is hanging around more than a year, especially when a child is involved special needs or not; is saying a lot about their ability to commit and and stand by their words. It is not rocket science to think through a decision if you really want to make it.

True parenting a dependent child is a big deal but that is the luck of the draw and anyone who can't hang because of a child is not going to hang when any other issue of real life presents either.

And you have a child so anyone who commits to you is NOT childless and they should be greatful that you would share your Blessing with them.

Urg is right you dodged a bullet on this guy. Can you imagine the pain of parenting a kid with him? You would suffer for yourself, your child you have, and the child he would be a rotten father too more likely than not.

It is sad parents have to becareful of such PREDATORS but there are a lot of louses who just look for a single parent to exploit and it pays to look long and hard at how people have conducted themself because they rarely change their stripes. If someone is too eager to hook up with you because they think a child gives them leverage over you they need to be kicked to the curb. Haveing a good co-parent is nice but it is not worth compromiseing how anyone is treated ;especially a child. IF it means you are a second class person that teaches your child to treat others the same way and that is just wrong.

This is NOT a Gender specific issue either. If someone tells you I can be less, treat you as less, because they are tolerateing your kid, or they want the income from your kid to subsidize their enjoyment of family life they are pretty sorry. A second ADULT wants to come into your family they should share their half of the family responsibility just like they share their half of the privileges or hit the bricks.

A child is lucky enough to have an existing parent and a Bonus parent should not be seen as a meal ticket, or second class child. If your only love for a child is your DNA link then you are a poor excuse for a parent and a person IMHO. I can pretty much tell you anyone who doesn't actively feel that same way is not worth wasteing one precious minute of YOUR life on because they are too selfish to love you either.

Thank you all for your kind replies. I did stop seeing him that day.

Nothing is certain in life, and I just do my best for myself, and my son.

You folks are wonderful people, and I enjoy reading all that you have to say.