I've been seeing this girl for a while and she has some quite serious problems. Last time I saw her it was fine and every date has been pretty good but the problem is that I don't hear from her for weeks on end and I have been in a similar situation before with a really moody woman that told me that sometimes she just wasn't in the right frame of mind to deal with anybody.

Now, I haven't done anything wrong and I've just been trying to be a nice guy but this is doing my head in a bit and I am looking for a serious relationship and not just another casual thing with a lot of drama. I do like her though and we have stuff in common. I told her that I'm not sure about her but it's early days and I understand that with relationships it takes years to get to know someone properly and build up that connection.

It's been my experience that when someone seems "not quite right" initially, it's best to go with that feeling. Even if she's great in other ways, it usually becomes a huge problem. I used to email a guy I go to school with and after a while he got so he'd wait like 2 weeks to reply to me, which annoyed me to no end, and after time, I'd swear to god I wasn't going to reply to him anymore, because I didn't want a relationship like that. But I kept replying. Because I liked talking to him, and in my mind, he had to be interested because he kept writing back. And he kept doing what he was doing.

Long story short, when we saw each other in person again, he admitted that he was tired of talking to me which is why he kept waiting so long to reply, because each time he meant to not answer my mails, but he kept doing it for whatever reason, and basically I was too stupid to take his hints.

So.....go with your gut feeling on this, if she's not treating you the way you want to be treated, it will probably only continue...

Good luck in this, relationships can be a real pain.

I agree. If you allow someone to treat you bad, then they will continue to do so. If this person is not in "The right frame of mind", then they shouldn't be dating, or that is an excuse for something else. It may hurt, but move on.

Well, the way that I've been dealing with it has been to just leave her alone and not act like a stalker if she doesn't want to talk to me. The first time we met we did have fun together and she said that she didn't see the point of one night stands but when I didn't hear from her again I just thought that must have been all that it was and I told her that when she got in touch again. She said that she had proved me wrong then.

There's a lot more to the story than this but I don't feel that I should be going too much into her personal problems with people on a public forum. I have come to care about her and probably I should tell her that I think that we should just be friends if she does contact me again. She was honest with me about her problems from the start and even though the red flags went up I did get involved though. I said to her that even though things had become complicated, she's my girl and she agreed with that.

I honestly don't know if I'm making her feel better about herself, or if seeing me is making her problems worse if she's not in the right place to have a relationship right now. Dumping her seems unlikely to make her feel better about herself though and I am concerned about her, even if I can't control her or tell her what to do. She does seem to respect my opinions though and it's like she's looking for a guy like me. I don't think that she's intentionally using me or messing me about but she just can't seem to control herself.

Well, it basically comes down to, are you willing to wait for her to work through her problems, if she ever does? I understand how you feel, I tried to give the guy I mentioned the benefit of the doubt, and tried to make excuses for his behavior- he was busy, blah blah blah, but it came down to the fact that he didn't want to be bothered with me. It also turned out he had some major issues, but that's another story, and as you said, best not shared here.

We can't tell you what to do, I can just tell you what I'd do, I'd be there as a friend for her, from a distance. If I met another woman and was interested romantically, I'd go out with her. If the woman you mentioned wanted to meet for drinks or whatever, as friends, I'd go. And keep it all very casual.

I wouldn't wait around for this woman to make up her mind or whatever, if she's as troubled as it sounds, it might be a very long wait, if it ever happens.

Did you never think that in those weeks that you don't see her, that she could be seeing some1 else? Then in the weeks that guy doesn't her is because shes with you? Its only a thought m8 and I could be wrong, but this sounds more fishy than a tin of tuna thats been left out in the sun for 6 weeks!

Yeah...

Yes, of course that occured to me and I keep asking her if she's seeing other guys. She says that she isn't and I tend to believe her. Last time I saw her she was getting all of these calls and texts and she said that one of them was an ex. I asked her if he was after her and she said yes but that he was also after her friend, "So that's what he's like". She told me that she met another guy just before she met me and that he was a virgin and that the sex was crap. It was far from crap with me the last time I saw her and we even aranged a date for the next day but it basically didn't happen because she got moody because of her problems again.

It just seems to me that if she's been so honest about her problems and other stuff that would put a lot of other guys off I'm not sure why she would lie about cheating.

Also, without going into details, it really is the case that these problems of hers make her incapable of seeing me for periods of time.

Do you love her? .if you love her whatever she is good or bad in all fact - YOU ARE DEAD!

Sounds to me like shes playing you m8?

i fully support that say .

I don't think she's lying, I just think she has issues. If you're willing to deal with those issues, that's up to you. It sounds like you really like her, just try not to get hurt.

Yes, I feel like I'm being played but I think that it's more that she's just hitting me up for these booty calls when she's in the mood to see me and wanting sex. She's really erratic and although she seems to want a relationship, she's so random that any plans that we make rarely happen and I just have to take it with a pinch of salt when she tells me something like, "I'll come round on Tuesday", or "I'll come round tomorrow".

I honestly don't think that it's another guy but she just changes like the wind. I do know that she hangs about with friends though and she's a young girl that's quite mixed up. The night before I was supposed to see her last time, I got a weird phone call from her and she said that she was sleeping and wanted everyone to leave her alone and stop calling her. Like I said though, I haven't been hassling her and I just wait for her to call me unless she actually tells me to call her.

Yeah and I've been hurt quite a few times before because I tend to fall for women quite easily. That's why I decided to just take it slow with her, instead of getting all loved up and counting on it lasting.

The day that we met she said to me that whatever happens she thinks that we will always be friends. She's a sweet girl but she does have issues and I'm not sure that it's going to get better anytime soon.

I suppose that all that I can do at the moment is to just try to get on with my life and when she calls again talk to her about it like I've been doing.

You also need to ask yourself do you want to be with someone that you have to wait around for all the time. I've done that too (in case you can't tell, I have had horrid relationships with men) waited around for the guy to call and dropped everything when he told me to, sat around waiting for him to find time for me and felt like crap when he eventually went away to someone he liked better. It's a bad feeling. She shouldn't be allowed to call all the shots, it should be a balance.

Let me start by saying keep being the nice guy. Now to your dilemma, I would recommend that you stop looking for people to fix. The one thing most nice guys go through in dating is that we want to fix ****. If a woman tells you that you are the world and then she doesn't have contact for long periods it is because they are seeing other people and they have not found their own self worth and security. Anyone that brings baggage into a relationship is only at fault when we except it. They are only going to ride that train until they fix it or you are done but most times they just move on. Don't give up on love ,but most importantly don't give up on being you, "The nice guy" some one will appreciate you it due time.

I'm not looking for people to fix. When I met her I had my doubts about her but I did like her for the person that she is. I'm not qualified to act like a doctor but I can empethise with someone that has problems.

I seem to attract a certain type of woman and that's all that there is to it.

Let me put it this way. If you met a woman that smokes pot, what would you think? I would think that at the very least she's going to get paranoid and that this is probably going to be difficult.

I hope it works out the way you want it to.

Sounds Bi-polar to me
Maybe she is trying to keep your relationship going
By not having you around when she is on a down mood swing
Depression can be a bummer...
Good luck !

Yeah, that's basically it. After that last weird phone call I got really worried that she had done something silly. I phoned her this morning to see if she was alright and she did answer the phone and she said that she was alright but I could tell that she wasn't. I said that I had been really worried about her and then she just hung up on me.

I just find it really difficult to cope with this and I don't know if I can see any future in it. I've got feelings too and I don't know if the girl is capable of loving anybody. On the other hand, I've got a relative that's had similar problems and he's sort of doing alright now.

The thing is, the times when I do see her she's very sweet to me but then she keeps pushing me away.