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| Topic: Certain things by certain ages | |
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honestly, yes I do carry certain expectations that go along with responsibility and experience which tie into age by 16 , one hasn't had a lot of experience, may not be able to see beyond the immediate gratification,,,etc,,,obsessed in self by , say , 32, I expect a person to have learned to think about others, to be responsible for their actions, etc I , personally, would think someone by their forties not having yet been married or had kids, may not be so likely to adopt to having a family,, as most of their lives were spent only having to care for self I wouldn't have an 'expectation' that they have a family , but their not having been married or with kids may tell me something about the lifestyle they are most likely to be accustomed to This goes along with my example. There are some who want to get involved with those who have been divorced, rather than those who are single, because I guess it proves something to them? There is always a stigma associated with those of us who didn't get married and have kids. I get tired of trying to explain why I never married and if people want to think of me of being selfish then so be it. The important think is I know that in my heart I am not a selfish person do a lot of volunteer work with my community. People ask me why I don't try to date but why should I try if people are going to be narrow-minded and pre-judge me because I never married or had kids. |
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I don't understand the importance of what we all think someone else should be doing?
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I don't understand the importance of what we all think someone else should be doing? I don't either but according to our society; they will look down on a person if they haven't accomplished certain things but a certain age. |
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honestly, yes I do carry certain expectations that go along with responsibility and experience which tie into age by 16 , one hasn't had a lot of experience, may not be able to see beyond the immediate gratification,,,etc,,,obsessed in self by , say , 32, I expect a person to have learned to think about others, to be responsible for their actions, etc I , personally, would think someone by their forties not having yet been married or had kids, may not be so likely to adopt to having a family,, as most of their lives were spent only having to care for self I wouldn't have an 'expectation' that they have a family , but their not having been married or with kids may tell me something about the lifestyle they are most likely to be accustomed to This goes along with my example. There are some who want to get involved with those who have been divorced, rather than those who are single, because I guess it proves something to them? There is always a stigma associated with those of us who didn't get married and have kids. I get tired of trying to explain why I never married and if people want to think of me of being selfish then so be it. The important think is I know that in my heart I am not a selfish person do a lot of volunteer work with my community. People ask me why I don't try to date but why should I try if people are going to be narrow-minded and pre-judge me because I never married or had kids. and there is sometimes a stigma for those of us who are divorced. Certainly not all never married adults are selfish. It can also be a smart decision not to marry if you know that you are not going to put 100% into it, or don't truly love someone else enough to make that commiment. Not all divorced people are somehow socially inept either. Sometimes things don;t work out or people grow in different directions. |
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honestly, yes I do carry certain expectations that go along with responsibility and experience which tie into age by 16 , one hasn't had a lot of experience, may not be able to see beyond the immediate gratification,,,etc,,,obsessed in self by , say , 32, I expect a person to have learned to think about others, to be responsible for their actions, etc I , personally, would think someone by their forties not having yet been married or had kids, may not be so likely to adopt to having a family,, as most of their lives were spent only having to care for self I wouldn't have an 'expectation' that they have a family , but their not having been married or with kids may tell me something about the lifestyle they are most likely to be accustomed to This goes along with my example. There are some who want to get involved with those who have been divorced, rather than those who are single, because I guess it proves something to them? There is always a stigma associated with those of us who didn't get married and have kids. I get tired of trying to explain why I never married and if people want to think of me of being selfish then so be it. The important think is I know that in my heart I am not a selfish person do a lot of volunteer work with my community. People ask me why I don't try to date but why should I try if people are going to be narrow-minded and pre-judge me because I never married or had kids. and there is sometimes a stigma for those of us who are divorced. Certainly not all never married adults are selfish. It can also be a smart decision not to marry if you know that you are not going to put 100% into it, or don't truly love someone else enough to make that commiment. Not all divorced people are somehow socially inept either. Sometimes things don;t work out or people grow in different directions. Agreed but even being divorced; you did make a commitment and you seem to be in better standing than those of us that never married. My career was the biggest reason I stayed single but I truly believe that some never find that right person. I never believed there is someone out there for everyone. I also wasn't willing to just settle for anyone. I did try that for a while but my relationships never worked out. |
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honestly, yes I do carry certain expectations that go along with responsibility and experience which tie into age by 16 , one hasn't had a lot of experience, may not be able to see beyond the immediate gratification,,,etc,,,obsessed in self by , say , 32, I expect a person to have learned to think about others, to be responsible for their actions, etc I , personally, would think someone by their forties not having yet been married or had kids, may not be so likely to adopt to having a family,, as most of their lives were spent only having to care for self I wouldn't have an 'expectation' that they have a family , but their not having been married or with kids may tell me something about the lifestyle they are most likely to be accustomed to This goes along with my example. There are some who want to get involved with those who have been divorced, rather than those who are single, because I guess it proves something to them? There is always a stigma associated with those of us who didn't get married and have kids. I get tired of trying to explain why I never married and if people want to think of me of being selfish then so be it. The important think is I know that in my heart I am not a selfish person do a lot of volunteer work with my community. People ask me why I don't try to date but why should I try if people are going to be narrow-minded and pre-judge me because I never married or had kids. and there is sometimes a stigma for those of us who are divorced. Certainly not all never married adults are selfish. It can also be a smart decision not to marry if you know that you are not going to put 100% into it, or don't truly love someone else enough to make that commiment. Not all divorced people are somehow socially inept either. Sometimes things don;t work out or people grow in different directions. Agreed but even being divorced; you did make a commitment and you seem to be in better standing than those of us that never married. My career was the biggest reason I stayed single but I truly believe that some never find that right person. I never believed there is someone out there for everyone. I also wasn't willing to just settle for anyone. I did try that for a while but my relationships never worked out. I understand. Honestly I am not sure I would marry again myself. I'd have to be awfully certain. Divorce does provide an excellent learning experience, but it can be hard to find a man whose been through divorce that has totally "let go" and put the bitterness past him. So it can be an issue too. A previously divorced partner has to have some time and distance (perspective) behind them and be totally ready to move on in order to be a good partner. |
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The only expectations I had was what I expected from my kids and myself....
Anyone beyond them is none of my business.... I have made my mistakes in life and don't feel it is up to me to judge others for what they have done or not done... As long as we are happy with ourselves and live our own lives it's not for anyone else to expect anything from us as long as our lives are not reflecting on theirs.. Heck I have been divorced for over 21 years some feel that is way to long and can't figure out why I'm not with someone... Even though I do date from time to time I just have not found that one I want to be with... But then what is funny is when they complain about the one they are with. I just laugh and say humm huhh see that is why I stay single! |
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The only expectations I had was what I expected from my kids and myself.... Anyone beyond them is none of my business.... I have made my mistakes in life and don't feel it is up to me to judge others for what they have done or not done... As long as we are happy with ourselves and live our own lives it's not for anyone else to expect anything from us as long as our lives are not reflecting on theirs.. Heck I have been divorced for over 21 years some feel that is way to long and can't figure out why I'm not with someone... Even though I do date from time to time I just have not found that one I want to be with... But then what is funny is when they complain about the one they are with. I just laugh and say humm huhh see that is why I stay single! I have said the same thing many times. I used to complain about my ex a lot, and a lot of the complaints were valid. IF I do get into a relationship again, it will have to be a situation where I feel I will not need to get into that cycle of complaining about my partner. Part of that is me choosing not to, but it is also a matter of a situation where it is seldom necessary. |
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Edited by
navygirl
on
Mon 01/20/14 10:13 AM
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honestly, yes I do carry certain expectations that go along with responsibility and experience which tie into age by 16 , one hasn't had a lot of experience, may not be able to see beyond the immediate gratification,,,etc,,,obsessed in self by , say , 32, I expect a person to have learned to think about others, to be responsible for their actions, etc I , personally, would think someone by their forties not having yet been married or had kids, may not be so likely to adopt to having a family,, as most of their lives were spent only having to care for self I wouldn't have an 'expectation' that they have a family , but their not having been married or with kids may tell me something about the lifestyle they are most likely to be accustomed to This goes along with my example. There are some who want to get involved with those who have been divorced, rather than those who are single, because I guess it proves something to them? There is always a stigma associated with those of us who didn't get married and have kids. I get tired of trying to explain why I never married and if people want to think of me of being selfish then so be it. The important think is I know that in my heart I am not a selfish person do a lot of volunteer work with my community. People ask me why I don't try to date but why should I try if people are going to be narrow-minded and pre-judge me because I never married or had kids. and there is sometimes a stigma for those of us who are divorced. Certainly not all never married adults are selfish. It can also be a smart decision not to marry if you know that you are not going to put 100% into it, or don't truly love someone else enough to make that commiment. Not all divorced people are somehow socially inept either. Sometimes things don;t work out or people grow in different directions. Agreed but even being divorced; you did make a commitment and you seem to be in better standing than those of us that never married. My career was the biggest reason I stayed single but I truly believe that some never find that right person. I never believed there is someone out there for everyone. I also wasn't willing to just settle for anyone. I did try that for a while but my relationships never worked out. I understand. Honestly I am not sure I would marry again myself. I'd have to be awfully certain. Divorce does provide an excellent learning experience, but it can be hard to find a man whose been through divorce that has totally "let go" and put the bitterness past him. So it can be an issue too. A previously divorced partner has to have some time and distance (perspective) behind them and be totally ready to move on in order to be a good partner. Oh yes; I have encountered a lot of bitter divorced men. Funny thing is the guys aren't just bitter about the divorce but the money they had to give to their ex. So, they complain and take out their frustrations on me. |
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navygirl, if someone asks you why you never married, then just say that you are saving yourself for a Melmacian.
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navygirl, if someone asks you why you never married, then just say that you are saving yourself for a Melmacian. 
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honestly, yes I do carry certain expectations that go along with responsibility and experience which tie into age by 16 , one hasn't had a lot of experience, may not be able to see beyond the immediate gratification,,,etc,,,obsessed in self by , say , 32, I expect a person to have learned to think about others, to be responsible for their actions, etc I , personally, would think someone by their forties not having yet been married or had kids, may not be so likely to adopt to having a family,, as most of their lives were spent only having to care for self I wouldn't have an 'expectation' that they have a family , but their not having been married or with kids may tell me something about the lifestyle they are most likely to be accustomed to This goes along with my example. There are some who want to get involved with those who have been divorced, rather than those who are single, because I guess it proves something to them? There is always a stigma associated with those of us who didn't get married and have kids. I get tired of trying to explain why I never married and if people want to think of me of being selfish then so be it. The important think is I know that in my heart I am not a selfish person do a lot of volunteer work with my community. People ask me why I don't try to date but why should I try if people are going to be narrow-minded and pre-judge me because I never married or had kids. and there is sometimes a stigma for those of us who are divorced. Certainly not all never married adults are selfish. It can also be a smart decision not to marry if you know that you are not going to put 100% into it, or don't truly love someone else enough to make that commiment. Not all divorced people are somehow socially inept either. Sometimes things don;t work out or people grow in different directions. Agreed but even being divorced; you did make a commitment and you seem to be in better standing than those of us that never married. My career was the biggest reason I stayed single but I truly believe that some never find that right person. I never believed there is someone out there for everyone. I also wasn't willing to just settle for anyone. I did try that for a while but my relationships never worked out. I understand. Honestly I am not sure I would marry again myself. I'd have to be awfully certain. Divorce does provide an excellent learning experience, but it can be hard to find a man whose been through divorce that has totally "let go" and put the bitterness past him. So it can be an issue too. A previously divorced partner has to have some time and distance (perspective) behind them and be totally ready to move on in order to be a good partner. Oh yes; I have encountered a lot of bitter divorced men. Funny thing is the guys aren't just bitter about the divorce but the money they had to give to their ex. So, they complain and take out their frustrations on me. I know. it is silly to paint all women and relationships in general with such a broad brush....in this day and age, women also often pay penalties in divorce, I know I did. I was angry about it for a long time but I certainly realize it has nothing to do with a new partner. I do get annoyed at men who complain though because women also experience a great loss, both partners usually do. It takes some perspective and time for the pity party to end, and until it does, these guys aren't really dateable in my opinion. I think we see more of that here because we are on a site where we will see a lot of recently divorced men trying to get "back into it." :) A lot of nice guys for sure!!! just not all of them have always yet put the past where it belongs. |
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honestly, yes I do carry certain expectations that go along with responsibility and experience which tie into age by 16 , one hasn't had a lot of experience, may not be able to see beyond the immediate gratification,,,etc,,,obsessed in self by , say , 32, I expect a person to have learned to think about others, to be responsible for their actions, etc I , personally, would think someone by their forties not having yet been married or had kids, may not be so likely to adopt to having a family,, as most of their lives were spent only having to care for self I wouldn't have an 'expectation' that they have a family , but their not having been married or with kids may tell me something about the lifestyle they are most likely to be accustomed to Lol...this actually caused me to bare my teeth, and raise the hair on my back. I'm 50, single, and childless. After 25 years of looking after and supporting parents, siblings, and their children, I have a lot of catching up to do. Better quit dragging my heels! |
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honestly, yes I do carry certain expectations that go along with responsibility and experience which tie into age by 16 , one hasn't had a lot of experience, may not be able to see beyond the immediate gratification,,,etc,,,obsessed in self by , say , 32, I expect a person to have learned to think about others, to be responsible for their actions, etc I , personally, would think someone by their forties not having yet been married or had kids, may not be so likely to adopt to having a family,, as most of their lives were spent only having to care for self I wouldn't have an 'expectation' that they have a family , but their not having been married or with kids may tell me something about the lifestyle they are most likely to be accustomed to This goes along with my example. There are some who want to get involved with those who have been divorced, rather than those who are single, because I guess it proves something to them? There is always a stigma associated with those of us who didn't get married and have kids. I get tired of trying to explain why I never married and if people want to think of me of being selfish then so be it. The important think is I know that in my heart I am not a selfish person do a lot of volunteer work with my community. People ask me why I don't try to date but why should I try if people are going to be narrow-minded and pre-judge me because I never married or had kids. and there is sometimes a stigma for those of us who are divorced. Certainly not all never married adults are selfish. It can also be a smart decision not to marry if you know that you are not going to put 100% into it, or don't truly love someone else enough to make that commiment. Not all divorced people are somehow socially inept either. Sometimes things don;t work out or people grow in different directions. Agreed but even being divorced; you did make a commitment and you seem to be in better standing than those of us that never married. My career was the biggest reason I stayed single but I truly believe that some never find that right person. I never believed there is someone out there for everyone. I also wasn't willing to just settle for anyone. I did try that for a while but my relationships never worked out. I understand. Honestly I am not sure I would marry again myself. I'd have to be awfully certain. Divorce does provide an excellent learning experience, but it can be hard to find a man whose been through divorce that has totally "let go" and put the bitterness past him. So it can be an issue too. A previously divorced partner has to have some time and distance (perspective) behind them and be totally ready to move on in order to be a good partner. Oh yes; I have encountered a lot of bitter divorced men. Funny thing is the guys aren't just bitter about the divorce but the money they had to give to their ex. So, they complain and take out their frustrations on me. I know. it is silly to paint all women and relationships in general with such a broad brush....in this day and age, women also often pay penalties in divorce, I know I did. I was angry about it for a long time but I certainly realize it has nothing to do with a new partner. I do get annoyed at men who complain though because women also experience a great loss, both partners usually do. It takes some perspective and time for the pity party to end, and until it does, these guys aren't really dateable in my opinion. I think we see more of that here because we are on a site where we will see a lot of recently divorced men trying to get "back into it." :) A lot of nice guys for sure!!! just not all of them have always yet put the past where it belongs. I have just met a lot of these divorced men here where I live so I am put off my dating. I figure I am not missing out on anything though as who wants to date a constant complainer.
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honestly, yes I do carry certain expectations that go along with responsibility and experience which tie into age by 16 , one hasn't had a lot of experience, may not be able to see beyond the immediate gratification,,,etc,,,obsessed in self by , say , 32, I expect a person to have learned to think about others, to be responsible for their actions, etc I , personally, would think someone by their forties not having yet been married or had kids, may not be so likely to adopt to having a family,, as most of their lives were spent only having to care for self I wouldn't have an 'expectation' that they have a family , but their not having been married or with kids may tell me something about the lifestyle they are most likely to be accustomed to Lol...this actually caused me to bare my teeth, and raise the hair on my back. I'm 50, single, and childless. After 25 years of looking after and supporting parents, siblings, and their children, I have a lot of catching up to do. Better quit dragging my heels! Thanks for telling us this as this is a prime example of what I meant that there are various reasons why people didn't marry and have kids. |
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honestly, yes I do carry certain expectations that go along with responsibility and experience which tie into age by 16 , one hasn't had a lot of experience, may not be able to see beyond the immediate gratification,,,etc,,,obsessed in self by , say , 32, I expect a person to have learned to think about others, to be responsible for their actions, etc I , personally, would think someone by their forties not having yet been married or had kids, may not be so likely to adopt to having a family,, as most of their lives were spent only having to care for self I wouldn't have an 'expectation' that they have a family , but their not having been married or with kids may tell me something about the lifestyle they are most likely to be accustomed to Lol...this actually caused me to bare my teeth, and raise the hair on my back. I'm 50, single, and childless. After 25 years of looking after and supporting parents, siblings, and their children, I have a lot of catching up to do. Better quit dragging my heels! Thanks for telling us this as this is a prime example of what I meant that there are various reasons why people didn't marry and have kids. And on the other hand, some people shouldn't have.  
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