how would you deal with not being able to use all / lots of your own things when both already have 'the complete set'?
By which I mean, your own bed, settee, plates, cutlery, the rugs or laminate flooring, cupboards you have etc. etc.
But also maybe moving into HIS/HER house, which he/she purchased with someone else, did up and made plans for with someone else etc.

Would you be able to let go of that or are you (emotionally) attached to your things? And would it bother you that he/she might have memories connected to those items?

Example: with both my exes I slept in the double bed they owned, which they'd bought with their previous partner, and slept in together as well. I didn't like that at all!

My last relationship, most of my own stuff was stored, we used mostly his things. Including pots and pans, sheets, towels etc. And I didn't like it, doesn't feel good. The stuff I owned, was brand-new, purchased after my 1st divorce, so no man had ever used it, slept in it, bathed with it etc. etc., just me and my kids.

Do these things matter to you, and especially: do you men care about these memories & history attached to items or can't you care less, as long as there's sheets, plates, a bed etc.???

Is it a typical woman-thing to feel that way? Or do you as a woman not care about it yourself?

I could deal with everything if I were truly interested in the person. The past should stay in the past for both parties involved. Is it about the furnishings or the relationship??? If it's about the furnishings, for either one, I don't feel the relationship has much of a chance in the first place. JMHO

I am with Missy: I do not care about those material things, except jewelry! lol Oh, my 52 inch LCD tv, and my blu-ray, and my external hard-drive with all my digital movies and tv series, and my... Wait... I CARE!!!! lol

Missy, you are always reading my mind: why didn't you tell me I cared? It's Missy's fault!

Or my bicycles...

Or my laptop...

Or my mobile phone...

Nah, forget it! I'll stay in my home alone...

I dont think most guys care unless its electronics...or autos....men i have known dont usually care about furniture except in terms of comfort. If u move in with him And dont discuss it before then yeah his stuff will stay. If it bothers u that much talk to him. See what hes willing to give up. Or buy new together.

When my marriage partner and I tied the knot, most of her things and most of my things became our things. The only things that weren't "our things" were things that one can't or shouldn't share with another person.

That is how life is supposed to work when you have a marriage partner.

Actually dealt with this with the last one that lived with me... I own my home therefore only way I would share someone else's home is it would have to be really serious.. Other wise we would keep our own places and meet in the middle..

But the last guy I was involved with lived in a apartment... What we did was his living room set was better then mine so I put mine in the shed and we used his... Same with the tv for the bedroom.. As far as his personal stuff I made room for all the stuff he wanted in the house.. That is what it is about..

But I did not get rid of my stuff for I have a large shed in the backyard that I stored my living room set in and the furniture of his that we did not use...

To me when your with someone you should incorporate stuff that you both want within the home so it will feel as if it is home to both involved....

I get your point, Missy, and in a way I agree, but it would also mean you have no emotional attachment or value to these things, which to me doesn't compute. Most ppl don't surround themselves with just any cupboard, bed, crockery etc etc etc, but prefer to choose items that reflect their personality and make them feel comfortable and good.

I'm very sensitive to my surroundings so I do carefully buy stuff that makes me feel good.

My ex had mostly black furniture (settee and cupboards). Made me feel very uncomfortable. I want my wooden cupboards, stuff with a warm feel, and yes, I am attached to my things as well! And I like my purple matching towels and so on.

It's easy to say it should not matter, but if it didn't matter, we wouldn't care much about the interior of our homes, would we? We'd just gather some stuff, matching or not, old, new, crap, awful colours etc., cos it wouldn't matter.

Hope you get what I'm trying to say?

whats important is your feelings about this ( and any issue ) and being able to share them with someone safe who will not judge us---i have met few that understand this yet its what we really as humans need to learn to do to be fully human----

Yeah, can totally relate to that! I did a similar thing, although ended up with mostly MY stuff being put in storage :/ And I did miss an awful lot of it! Lasted a decade, so to me it's a bit of a thing, haha. Wouldn't easily be willing to give up on my things again.
And it can be very difficult. I.e. I had a floor lamp, which I only recently purchased before moving in with my ex. He HATED it, I loved it (otherwise I wouldn't have bought it!). So it was either me happy or him happy. No compromise possible there ...

@ KLC, yes I agree, I think that would be the best option, but not always possible. And even when I think about moving into a new home, buying new things together, I'd find it difficult to part with some of my belongings.
But I guess it could feel different when you feel you are in the right relationship.

Wow, thank you for that insight! So simply and yet so true!

crystalfairy--- anytime

I totally get what you are saying Crystal and I'm not saying that I myself don't feel better with the items or things I cherish around me. The thing is that if I wasn't already comfortable with the partner and his surroundings and items or furnishings, and him with mine, then I doubt the relationship would have developed to the point of marriage, which is what I personally am looking forward to(or for others, moving in together whether in his place or her place or if they found a new place of their own). I've always considered myself as a person who could adjust to almost any surroundings, all types of decor as far as furnishings are concerned, so that is not the main issue with me. The main issue would be if the partner and I had the same principles, compatibility, and loving care for one another...the things would be the least of my priorities. Neither would I be offended or take issue with where we would live, whether it be my house or his house, and I certainly would not expect to ask someone to sell their house, or vice versa, just to start a fresh life together and buy another house. I'm practical that way.

Okay Criollo....it's my fault I made you aware! I should go into psychotherapy! I'm doing all this for free here!

God no

Ive shared a place with other adults a good part of my life and its a struggle to deal with the attitudes, moods, needs, wants, advice, opinions,,,etc,,,,everyday

LOVE is great and all, but I would only make a move with someone if they were making a lifetime commitment and if we were getting a NEW place to start our NEW life as one,,,,

I have a few items that are important to me but it's not so much about sentimental value and just things that I use and give me a level of "quality of life", if I can put it that way. Some of them are things that have a practical purpose and those things would be more important to me than things like my pool table, which I could live without if it came to it.

I don't see furniture as being a big deal and as I bought a nice comfortable bed a while ago because a woman told me that my old one was uncomfortable, I would think that a new girlfriend was being a bit daft if she said that I had to get another one just because I've slept with other women in it. Same goes for my couch. I spent many nights sitting on it with my ex girlfriend and with other people as well but it's just a couch and it's one of my possessions and wasn't something that belonged to any woman that I've been with in any way. It's a batchelor pad and girlfriends come and go. About the only thing that I can think of that I bought with a woman that reminds me of her when I use it is a duvet cover but I don't keep it because of her and I would happily bin it and get new bed linen if a new girlfriend wanted me to do that. Same goes for other little bits and pieces but I'm not chucking out a perfectly good bed or couch just because I've had sex with other women on them.

I grew up in a family of 9 siblings.
Sharing, compromising, etc. pretty much come second nature.
But I've known people, that had no clue whatsoever.
The second time..sorry, third time my ex was in my house,
she took down all my family photos, put them in a box,
and told me to get rid of them.

I agree with you there KLC. I can't even imagine what could make someone else ask such a thing of someone they said they cared about!

Oh yeah, family photos ... another one that can be touchy, lol.
I used to always have an entire wall for that, pictures of my kids, loved it! But my ex didn't want me to put them up, as it would make it too much my home (and my kids') and he didn't have any pictures really of his kids that could be or were framed. So I couldn't put up my kids' pictures either.
Too many compromises ... That's why I sometimes find myself thinking "what if I meet a new bloke and we are ready to move in together? Where are my borders? What am I willing to get rid of/store?"

I guess when it's really right, it will be somewhat different, but the thing is, I thought it was really really really right with my ex as well. The first time ever I felt I was going to grow old with my partner, and wanted that as well.
And boy, was I wrong!

@ Missy, I get what you mean. I think I'm less willing to compromise that much (for me the scenario you describe feels like - too much - compromising)

I guess what Sparkyae said is very important and would help a lot: being able to talk about your feelings and concerns with your partner.

It was a bit of a shocker.
I put them aside,and said "for now".
And gave her 'the look'.
Anyway..the photos are still up.
She's not.