as I've got older obviously my interests have changed and because of that my expectations about relationships have changed to. I am now looking for specific things that were not an issue before. what I am asking is do you think its unreasonable to want certain things the way you want them or do you have to compromise on actually everything you pictured in your head because maybe it wont ever be like that. :)

balance is best, imho

no, its not necessary to compromise EVERYTHING

yes, it is necessary to compromise some things


its not realistic to think someone will meet every preference or interest we have,


but its reasonable to have a few top priorities that wont be compromised . where values are concerned



for instance,


I am attracted to/interested in taller men, and I am attracted to/interested in witty and confident men,, so Im not gonna meet someone witty and confident and then disregard them because they arent tall

but I would disregard a tall man who wasnt witty or confidentt,,

making witty and confident a more uncompromisable value than height,,,for me

that is very true :)

Thank you both for replying :)

Have think I should only expect somebody to do what they say they are going to, expecting them to do anything that I have preconceived in my head that they have not committed to seems a bit unrealistic to me...

I think there is willingness and unwillingness ... I am willing to accept you the way you are however I am unwilling to accept dishonesty, unfaithfulness, and disrespect.. Seems pretty reasonable to me.

If there is a pattern in your life and things were not important years ago and are now, who is to say that other things will not become important that were important today and things that are important today will no longer be a necessity or important then..

If the person follows the same expectations down the road when things of today become no longer important in the future and the expectations of today do not jive with the changes of tomorrow.. Where will the relationship be?

(H)onesty
(O)penmindedness
(W)illingness

No expectations...

Just a thought

it's a sorting process. that you're preferences have changed shows growth. only you can say which of those are negotiable. that, in and of itself is a life lesson :)

If you see it as a list the things on that list have changed due to the fact that the person I am today is the adult I have become. I see the world now and myself differently and its actually kind of freeing. but I know the world is not all rosy and sometimes just plain horrible. so when it comes to me and my family I try to create a well not a bubble that for sure would not be exactly realistic, but a kind of safe place where things are as they should be fun, calm, happy, and somewhere where you can be yourself. because of this the list I have sort of created in my head reflects the life I have created here. I'm not really saying that my future partner must fit exactly into our life but to have the same sort of values that I'm talking about. e.g. clubbing. the idea of me clubbing now that would be hard to actually watch lol id most likely be trying to clean up lol. so what I m trying to say after all that rambling lol is I am who I am and it what I have become after 33 years. my expectations have changed over the years but my hopes for the future have not.

I forgot to put the customary smiley face at the end lol :)

thank you here are some for you :) and yes I agree im the person who im always going to be NOW because Its what ive wanted from the start it just took me time to get here. :)

As we grow older we become more discerning through experience gained in life, this in my opinion, makes us wiser in our choice a future partner and more likely to succeed in our expectations without too much compromise on either side.

How about teaching a tall man to become witty vs a short stature man who can't grow taller. Just a thought.

Zero expectations, zero frustration. Had to learn that the hard way.

exactly :)duttoneer

Thomas can sit at my lunch table anytime.