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| Topic: Not Necessarily Cohabitating | |
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Edited by
Beachfarmer
on
Thu 10/16/14 02:22 AM
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It's not for everyone, and certainly not for "most" families, especially with growing children!
I know the common response is "Well, isn't that just called *dating*?" I have in more than 2 instances lived in a "next door" situation both as a young man and later in life, (and the reasons for it not working after a while were so lovingly resolved!) My father and stepmother have an INCREDIBLY LOVING relationship in mountain cabins 70 yards apart......and in Cali...semi-connected townhomes...(now 22 years married.) I'm just wondering about anyone else who has explored this idea, and it has worked for them? |
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So you mean LAT? I understand cohabitating is living together, but not married??
Anyways, if you mean LAT - living apart together -, yes, have thought about it. Ideal, as both keep their own space etc, but I do think it requires a lot of trust, plus, your needs for wanting together time have got to match. I've thought about this with my ex, for him being together once a month or a fortnight would've been enough. Not for me though. I'm not entirely sure how I'd feel about it in the long run. A couple years ago I would not have been able to cope, but I've changed so much, and I now know I need a lot of space and freedom, so yes, maybe .. But more independent and empowered 'new' me, has yet to discover how I now 'operate' in a relationship, so I'm not entirely sure .. |
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Have absolutely thought about it, but more in terms of house design, as in he has his suite on one side of the house, I have mine on the other...Everything communal (great room, kitchen, dinning and laundry) is in the middle...I think it would be an ideal way to keep the romance fresh and hot
 .....There are certain things about our partners we just don't need to know or see, know or see what I mean? ...Kudos to your dad and stepmom, they are brilliantly ahead of their time !!
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Have absolutely thought about it, but more in terms of house design, as in he has his suite on one side of the house, I have mine on the other...Everything communal (great room, kitchen, dinning and laundry) is in the middle...I think it would be an ideal way to keep the romance fresh and hot .....There are certain things about our partners we just don't need to know or see, know or see what I mean? ...Kudos to your dad and stepmom, they are brilliantly ahead of their time !! Yes, that's a great option. Have known ppl who had done that, one a couple with kids. YOu'd need a bigger house though, not always physically possible. But if both have a room where they can spend time on their own, doing their own thing, great! |
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Have absolutely thought about it, but more in terms of house design, as in he has his suite on one side of the house, I have mine on the other...Everything communal (great room, kitchen, dinning and laundry) is in the middle...I think it would be an ideal way to keep the romance fresh and hot .....There are certain things about our partners we just don't need to know or see, know or see what I mean? ...Kudos to your dad and stepmom, they are brilliantly ahead of their time !! Yes, that's a great option. Have known ppl who had done that, one a couple with kids. YOu'd need a bigger house though, not always physically possible. But if both have a room where they can spend time on their own, doing their own thing, great! If the house isn't big enough, then just do like Gilligan and Skipper, Peter and Bobby, Ralph and Potsie, and Willis and Arnold. Tape a line down the middle of the room. |
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Have absolutely thought about it, but more in terms of house design, as in he has his suite on one side of the house, I have mine on the other...Everything communal (great room, kitchen, dinning and laundry) is in the middle...I think it would be an ideal way to keep the romance fresh and hot .....There are certain things about our partners we just don't need to know or see, know or see what I mean? ...Kudos to your dad and stepmom, they are brilliantly ahead of their time !! Yes, that's a great option. Have known ppl who had done that, one a couple with kids. YOu'd need a bigger house though, not always physically possible. But if both have a room where they can spend time on their own, doing their own thing, great! If the house isn't big enough, then just do like Gilligan and Skipper, Peter and Bobby, Ralph and Potsie, and Willis and Arnold. Tape a line down the middle of the room. And hang a curtain... 
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Have absolutely thought about it, but more in terms of house design, as in he has his suite on one side of the house, I have mine on the other...Everything communal (great room, kitchen, dinning and laundry) is in the middle...I think it would be an ideal way to keep the romance fresh and hot .....There are certain things about our partners we just don't need to know or see, know or see what I mean? ...Kudos to your dad and stepmom, they are brilliantly ahead of their time !! Yes, that's a great option. Have known ppl who had done that, one a couple with kids. YOu'd need a bigger house though, not always physically possible. But if both have a room where they can spend time on their own, doing their own thing, great! If the house isn't big enough, then just do like Gilligan and Skipper, Peter and Bobby, Ralph and Potsie, and Willis and Arnold. Tape a line down the middle of the room. And hang a curtain... Problem solved! |
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It's not for everyone, and certainly not for "most" families, especially with growing children! I know the common response is "Well, isn't that just called *dating*?" I have in more than 2 instances lived in a "next door" situation both as a young man and later in life, (and the reasons for it not working after a while were so lovingly resolved!) My father and stepmother have an INCREDIBLY LOVING relationship in mountain cabins 70 yards apart......and in Cali...semi-connected townhomes...(now 22 years married.) I'm just wondering about anyone else who has explored this idea, and it has worked for them? That is fantastic! My idea of an ideal relationship. Kudos to them! 
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Hmmm.. just give me my own bedroom... with a separate access to the outside... world..... and I be happy.. I hate having to explain. my comings and goings to my partner..
... I don't want or need to... explain my whereabouts to my partner every day... and now that I have been single for some time.. if I find myself back in a relationship.... a full-time relationship... I think that is going to be one of the challenges... I have gotten so use to coming and going when I feel like it.... I would have a really hard time... asking someone else if its okay if I go out by myself.... .. or out with my friends... sometimes I like to go to the coffee house... just to be alone with my thoughts..... that's going to be difficult to explain to partner.... always is tricky.... their constant need to be with you.. to know what you're up to all the time....hmm.. . |
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Edited by
Happiness2U
on
Sun 10/19/14 10:20 AM
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Hmmm.. just give me my own bedroom... with a separate access to the outside... world..... and I be happy.. I hate having to explain. my comings and goings to my partner.. ... I don't want or need to... explain my whereabouts to my partner every day... and now that I have been single for some time.. if I find myself back in a relationship.... a full-time relationship... I think that is going to be one of the challenges... I have gotten so use to coming and going when I feel like it.... I would have a really hard time... asking someone else if its okay if I go out by myself.... .. or out with my friends... sometimes I like to go to the coffee house... just to be alone with my thoughts..... that's going to be difficult to explain to partner.... always is tricky.... their constant need to be with you.. to know what you're up to all the time....hmm.. . So now you know what you don't want. YAY! Look out for that. Not everyone will be so possesive. No one should feel they have to sneak around. IMHO people tend to forget that we are still individuals when in a relationship. Sooo important! All the best on your search! 
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yes easier said than done.. you women like to keep tabs on your men..
this is true.... I have not been in a relationship yet.. where I have not felt like I had to ask for permission... to go out by myself....ie.. honey. the boys were thinking about playing golf this weekend... would it be okay if I go with them.... Her... this weekend!.. but I wanted you.. to take me to the garden center. and that closet door.. still isn't closing properly... what day do . they want to go golfing... what time.. when will you be back.... I don't know I really had plans for us this weekend...me.. Mmm..ok.. I'll tell them some other time..... but can we stop at the coffeehouse and get a latte...her... we'll see... maybe.. if you get that closet door fixed....lmfao |
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Hmmm.. just give me my own bedroom... with a separate access to the outside... world..... and I be happy.. I hate having to explain. my comings and goings to my partner.. ... I don't want or need to... explain my whereabouts to my partner every day... and now that I have been single for some time.. if I find myself back in a relationship.... a full-time relationship... I think that is going to be one of the challenges... I have gotten so use to coming and going when I feel like it.... I would have a really hard time... asking someone else if its okay if I go out by myself.... .. or out with my friends... sometimes I like to go to the coffee house... just to be alone with my thoughts..... that's going to be difficult to explain to partner.... always is tricky.... their constant need to be with you.. to know what you're up to all the time....hmm.. . Then you gotta choose a woman that you want to be with, so if she goes out, you'd feel like "Oh shoot, I wished you'd stay home with me tonight!" 
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No... we have time together...
. quality time.. don't get me wrong I enjoy spending time with my lady friend..... partner... I look forward to it.. time together in the garden.. in the kitchen... going to together on a Saturday to the farmers market.... .. having coffee at the coffee house together... they become my best friend.. and lover....... .. but I don't want to ask my best friend..... if its okay if I spend time with my other best friend.... and I am more than happy.. to give you a kiss on your lips.... a soft little squeeze on your bottom... and send you out the door to play with your friends...... ... because I know when you come home later that evening... a little drunk off the wine you and your friends.. shared... well I know how playful you get when you're a little tipsy...mmmm.. . |
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Good for you! You shouldn't have to "ask" to go out. What you are looking for is a healthy relationship. Look for confident women who are not threatened by others in your life. Insecure individuals are the controlling ones. Cheers!
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Hmmm.. just give me my own bedroom... with a separate access to the outside... world..... and I be happy.. I hate having to explain. my comings and goings to my partner.. ... I don't want or need to... explain my whereabouts to my partner every day... and now that I have been single for some time.. if I find myself back in a relationship.... a full-time relationship... I think that is going to be one of the challenges... I have gotten so use to coming and going when I feel like it.... I would have a really hard time... asking someone else if its okay if I go out by myself.... .. or out with my friends... sometimes I like to go to the coffee house... just to be alone with my thoughts..... that's going to be difficult to explain to partner.... always is tricky.... their constant need to be with you.. to know what you're up to all the time....hmm.. you women like to keep tabs on your men..this is true.... I have not been in a relationship yet.. where I have not felt like I had to ask for permission... to go out by myself....ie.. honey. the boys were thinking about playing golf this weekend... would it be okay if I go with them.... Her... this weekend!.. but I wanted you.. to take me to the garden center. and that closet door.. still isn't closing properly... what day do . they want to go golfing... what time.. when will you be back.... I don't know I really had plans for us this weekend...me.. Mmm..ok.. I'll tell them some other time..... but can we stop at the coffeehouse and get a latte...her... we'll see... maybe.. if you get that closet door fixed....lmfao ^^^These are two opposite extremes D  ....In your fist post, you say want to co-habitate with a FWB (if your think what you described is anything more, you are just fooling yourself) because, according to your second post, all your past relationships have been with control freaks...The problem is yours sweet pea...Fix it by figuring out how to find a happy medium or stay single......
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Edited by
SparklingCrystal 💖💎
on
Sun 10/19/14 10:53 AM
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No... we have time together... . quality time.. don't get me wrong I enjoy spending time with my lady friend..... partner... I look forward to it.. time together in the garden.. in the kitchen... going to together on a Saturday to the farmers market.... .. having coffee at the coffee house together... they become my best friend.. and lover....... .. but I don't want to ask my best friend..... if its okay if I spend time with my other best friend.... and I am more than happy.. to give you a kiss on your lips.... a soft little squeeze on your bottom... and send you out the door to play with your friends...... ... because I know when you come home later that evening... a little drunk off the wine you and your friends.. shared... well I know how playful you get when you're a little tipsy...mmmm.. . Exactly! And in order to (both) feel that way, you gotta choose a partner with whom you love to spend time. (That's what I meant with "Choose the right partner, smarty pants ) I'm also not sure that at this point in life ppl will (still) be or get so claiming? I think that's more what you get when you're raising a family. But maybe that's wishful thinking on my part. But no way could or would I wanna be with a man who wants to sit on top of me all the time. Trust me, those exist too! So yes .. that kiss .. and soft squeeze .. excellent. And how did you know I get .. playful when I'm tipsy? 
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Honestly the 2 house thing is perfect for me. Do I really need my man to hang around when I'm painting or writing or just doing chores? And please, I can fix a door or a window and go to the store on my own. Go. Go have fun. Be with your pals or do your own thing because that will fill you up. I will do the same. Then WE as fulfilled people get to choose when we want to spend time together and have much more attention for each other. Oh yeah, quality time. Yup, I like it!
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.. the difference is..
a woman on a Friday at work.. her girlfriend... the new fall fashion show is this weekend do you want to go.. we can have lunch as well...you.. yes what time is it.at.... her girlfriend 3:00.. o clock. I can meet you there.. You..ok... see you then....... a man... his friend says.. the football game is on Saturday at 3... do you want to meet at the pub and have a few beers... you.. yeah sounds good.. but first I have to ask .. my old lady if I can go.....lmao.... |
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