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| Topic: Fix it or listen? | |
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Edited by
msharmony
on
Sun 12/07/14 12:21 PM
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in relationships its hard to know which is called for...
sometimes people are just venting and sometimes they want feedback,,how do you determine which situation it is? I'm more of a to the point person who listens unless I'm asked a question or asked for help,,,,but there are those who expect the need to be implied without asking you,,, |
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are you talking about the..read my mind scenario..?.. generally if people want feedback ,they will say something like !..what do you think.
. my little sister phones all the time.. wanting to vent about her job or..relationship.... I patiently listen.. . and then offer advice when needed.. ... I tend to do the echoing.. technique... I repeat back what she just said.. but with my own spin on it.... for example.. |
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Hmmmm.
I rarely give advice, rather I have a tendency to lay out the issue, with possible fixes. My feeling is, everyone should make their own choices, no matter the problem. If you tell a man you have a headache, inevitably he will suggest aspirin. If you tell a woman you have a headache she will sympathize with you, mention her own. So, I would say, if you're a man, sympathize more, offer less aspirin, she is already aware. If you are a woman, keep that empathy acute :-) |
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oh my god I'm a girl... I can totally sympathize with a headache... I get them every now and then.... usually at the base of the back of my neck...
like somebody sticking a hot poker through my head... but i was at the mall the other day, and came across this horrible store.... they sell this peppermint....ohhh... look at me carrying on like a little girl again...lol |
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are you talking about the..read my mind scenario..?.. generally if people want feedback ,they will say something like !..what do you think. . my little sister phones all the time.. wanting to vent about her job or..relationship.... I patiently listen.. . and then offer advice when needed.. ... I tend to do the echoing.. technique... I repeat back what she just said.. but with my own spin on it.... for example.. good technique,,,, my brother once told me how it hurt him that I didn't 'speak up for him' when he argued with his girl I never thought it was my business, but that was my invitation so I started speaking up after that point listening is easy,, figuring out what the speaker is prepared to hear is another story,,, |
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oh see, i wasn't sure if we were supposed to answer this
or simply read it. |
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oh my god I'm a girl... I can totally sympathize with a headache... I get them every now and then.... usually at the base of the back of my neck... like somebody sticking a hot poker through my head... but i was at the mall the other day, and came across this horrible store.... they sell this peppermint....ohhh... look at me carrying on like a little girl again...lol YOU will get invited to sleepovers, for sure :-) |
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are you talking about the..read my mind scenario..?.. generally if people want feedback ,they will say something like !..what do you think. . my little sister phones all the time.. wanting to vent about her job or..relationship.... I patiently listen.. . and then offer advice when needed.. ... I tend to do the echoing.. technique... I repeat back what she just said.. but with my own spin on it.... for example.. ^^ This You never cease to amaze me .. |
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oh my god I'm a girl... I can totally sympathize with a headache... I get them every now and then.... usually at the base of the back of my neck... like somebody sticking a hot poker through my head... but i was at the mall the other day, and came across this horrible store.... they sell this peppermint....ohhh... look at me carrying on like a little girl again...lol YOU will get invited to sleepovers, for sure :-) .. oh my god !!.a sleepover can hardly wait...ohhh.. no wait a minute, what am I going to wear..hmmm...hmmm.. I need new slippers for sure...hmm.. .. oh and I saw this really nice silk... . robe... you know the kind that Hugh Hefner wears...yes...ohhh.. that and a nice pair of fluffy slippers... and . new pair of Egyptian, cotton, Night bottoms... .... ohhh... do you think we can do each others nails.?.. I need mine done desperately..... I can hardly wait so much fun....    . . |
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oh see, i wasn't sure if we were supposed to answer this or simply read it. touchοΏ½,,, well said,,,, and that can finish the whole debate,,,lol |
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are you talking about the..read my mind scenario..?.. generally if people want feedback ,they will say something like !..what do you think. . my little sister phones all the time.. wanting to vent about her job or..relationship.... I patiently listen.. . and then offer advice when needed.. ... I tend to do the echoing.. technique... I repeat back what she just said.. but with my own spin on it.... for example.. good technique,,,, my brother once told me how it hurt him that I didn't 'speak up for him' when he argued with his girl I never thought it was my business, but that was my invitation so I started speaking up after that point listening is easy,, figuring out what the speaker is prepared to hear is another story,,, mmm.. that makes for an awkward situation? If the girl has a problem with him, she suddenly has to take on his sister as well, even if she has a bluddy good point? That wouldn't sit well with me, regardless of whom I'd be in that situation ... |
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are you talking about the..read my mind scenario..?.. generally if people want feedback ,they will say something like !..what do you think. . my little sister phones all the time.. wanting to vent about her job or..relationship.... I patiently listen.. . and then offer advice when needed.. ... I tend to do the echoing.. technique... I repeat back what she just said.. but with my own spin on it.... for example.. good technique,,,, my brother once told me how it hurt him that I didn't 'speak up for him' when he argued with his girl I never thought it was my business, but that was my invitation so I started speaking up after that point listening is easy,, figuring out what the speaker is prepared to hear is another story,,, mmm.. that makes for an awkward situation? If the girl has a problem with him, she suddenly has to take on his sister as well, even if she has a bluddy good point? That wouldn't sit well with me, regardless of whom I'd be in that situation ... except that I don't just speak up because its my brother, but only if I feel my brother is in the right |
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are you talking about the..read my mind scenario..?.. generally if people want feedback ,they will say something like !..what do you think. . my little sister phones all the time.. wanting to vent about her job or..relationship.... I patiently listen.. . and then offer advice when needed.. ... I tend to do the echoing.. technique... I repeat back what she just said.. but with my own spin on it.... for example.. good technique,,,, my brother once told me how it hurt him that I didn't 'speak up for him' when he argued with his girl I never thought it was my business, but that was my invitation so I started speaking up after that point listening is easy,, figuring out what the speaker is prepared to hear is another story,,, mmm.. that makes for an awkward situation? If the girl has a problem with him, she suddenly has to take on his sister as well, even if she has a bluddy good point? That wouldn't sit well with me, regardless of whom I'd be in that situation ... except that I don't just speak up because its my brother, but only if I feel my brother is in the right Okay .. still .. I'm not sure if I'd feel comfortable getting involved.. Don't know how old they are .. and never been in a situation like that either.. I was thinking of a similar scenario the other day: What would I do if my kid would get in a serious argument with his/her partner? I think I'd stay out of it, they're adults, even though still young, and they got to learn to sort out their own chit. I may talk to them about it later on, maybe only get involved if things would get out of hand, but only to try to get them to take a time-out cos things got too emotional. If I think about myself, and my partner's sibling would butt in to help him out... the chit would really hit the fan. Simply cos I'd feel it's between him and me. To be really honest, I think it's not right for an adult to ask this from a sibling .. he should be adult enough to handle it himself and it's not fair on her either.. But yeah .. tricky stuff .. |
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I stay out until asked in,,,and I take the side of 'right' whoever has it,,,
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.. yes I believe it is hard to get in the middle... or to voice your opinion...
in a family or friends relationship... it tends to draw a line in the sand so to speak..... unless the person is telling lies.. are just outright badmouthing my relative.... I stay out of it.... but when it comes to my partner... I always have their back...... .. at least that's how I see it... .. now I sometimes take my sister off to the side... and says she's either right or wrong.... but I stay out of it for the most part..... I often go over there for barbeques and drinks to my sisters..... and her and her boyfriend... well have a fun but heated debate.. and try to get me to be the tie breaker..... always look at them like what are you guys saying I wasn't listening...lol |
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oh my god I'm a girl... I can totally sympathize with a headache... I get them every now and then.... usually at the base of the back of my neck... like somebody sticking a hot poker through my head... but i was at the mall the other day, and came across this horrible store.... they sell this peppermint....ohhh... look at me carrying on like a little girl again...lol YOU will get invited to sleepovers, for sure :-) .. oh my god !!.a sleepover can hardly wait...ohhh.. no wait a minute, what am I going to wear..hmmm...hmmm.. I need new slippers for sure...hmm.. .. oh and I saw this really nice silk... . robe... you know the kind that Hugh Hefner wears...yes...ohhh.. that and a nice pair of fluffy slippers... and . new pair of Egyptian, cotton, Night bottoms... .... ohhh... do you think we can do each others nails.?.. I need mine done desperately..... I can hardly wait so much fun.... . . Calm down spanky. We will do nails, toenails, hair and makeup. But do not blame us if you start feeling cranky every 28 days.. |
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Hmmmm. I rarely give advice, rather I have a tendency to lay out the issue, with possible fixes. My feeling is, everyone should make their own choices, no matter the problem. If you tell a man you have a headache, inevitably he will suggest aspirin. If you tell a woman you have a headache she will sympathize with you, mention her own. So, I would say, if you're a man, sympathize more, offer less aspirin, she is already aware. If you are a woman, keep that empathy acute :-) That's good advice! Now I know what to say when I get those phone calls that say "I've got a flat tire!" I can say, "Gee, that is horrible ... and scary! I am so sorry! Did you ruin your tire? Do you think it will be hard to find one that will match? You didn't lose your hub cap did you? I hate it when that happens! I hope that never happens again to me! It is so upsetting to be late, or to have undependable transportation. I bet one of those construction azzholes let something fall off of their truck and you ran over it! Did you know that sometimes they fix flats with these little plug things and your tire just goes flat again later? Don't let them do that! Make them use a patch from the inside of the tire! And you better watch out cause sometimes they will put too much air in it afterwards. Make them look at the door and get the right air pressure!" ... "Oh, you want me to come fix it? ........ Do you need any aspirin too?" |
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Hmmmm. I rarely give advice, rather I have a tendency to lay out the issue, with possible fixes. My feeling is, everyone should make their own choices, no matter the problem. If you tell a man you have a headache, inevitably he will suggest aspirin. If you tell a woman you have a headache she will sympathize with you, mention her own. So, I would say, if you're a man, sympathize more, offer less aspirin, she is already aware. If you are a woman, keep that empathy acute :-) That's good advice! Now I know what to say when I get those phone calls that say "I've got a flat tire!" I can say, "Gee, that is horrible ... and scary! I am so sorry! Did you ruin your tire? Do you think it will be hard to find one that will match? You didn't lose your hub cap did you? I hate it when that happens! I hope that never happens again to me! It is so upsetting to be late, or to have undependable transportation. I bet one of those construction azzholes let something fall off of their truck and you ran over it! Did you know that sometimes they fix flats with these little plug things and your tire just goes flat again later? Don't let them do that! Make them use a patch from the inside of the tire! And you better watch out cause sometimes they will put too much air in it afterwards. Make them look at the door and get the right air pressure!" ... "Oh, you want me to come fix it? ........ Do you need any aspirin too?" Give it another go, you started out alright-ish, then you got into the typical male problem solving and telling-what-to-do thing .. and lost touch with the empathizing. But ... practice makes perfect.. so they say anyways 
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in relationships its hard to know which is called for... sometimes people are just venting and sometimes they want feedback,,how do you determine which situation it is? I'm more of a to the point person who listens unless I'm asked a question or asked for help,,,,but there are those who expect the need to be implied without asking you,,, If you listen, you can determine what it is they want. I try not to give advice, even when asked, but I do try to give my perspective instead. No body wants to be told what to do, they just want help with making decisions some times. |
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I don't like to give advice but will give options and let the person choose which option they want to take.
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