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Topic: BDSM relationships
SparklingCrystal 💖💎 Joined Mon 05/20/13 Posts: 33263	Wed 02/25/15 01:11 PM
Why is no one considering the different degrees of BDSM? Those opposed are mostly assuming that it's all or nothing and a total 24/7 freak fest. For some people, it is. For most, it's not. BDSM can be as simple as handcuffs and a blindfold, but otherwise vanilla sex. It can also involve the complete dungeon. Quite often, the submissive is submissive because their daily life requires them to be dominant, so they want someone else to take charge. The last woman I was with liked her hair pulled, but that was the extent of her kinkiness. I've also known women who like things farther up the scale. Do you realize how often that "perfect" couple next door with the well rounded children and are pillars of the community are into BDSM? You may even trust them with your own children. This isn't an all or nothing deal, which is why to say as a blanket statement that it's wrong or unhealthy is inaccurate. Are certain aspects of it unhealthy? Absolutely. Asphyxiation, water sports, scat, inability to draw a line between bedroom activities and non bedroom activities, in my view, is taking it to an unhealthy extreme. But to say as a blanket statement that it's wrong because you don't like is just as wrong as if someone who loves it says you are wrong because it's not for you. I don't really consider the occasional use of a blindfold or handcuffs or scarves to tie someone up, to be BDSM. That's just vanilla people having slightly kinky sex. Wanting your hair pulled is not BDSM either. I agree that those opposed seem to think it's a 24/7 all or nothing thing. I think this lack of understanding and often judgmental views, is one of the main reasons why ppl don't easily speak up about BDSM. Why bother when you know full well what you're doing, what it's about, and have a good insight in the emotional & psychological workings of it all, and ppl aren't even willing to try and understand.

Tatilove Joined Fri 10/01/10 Posts: 243	Wed 02/25/15 01:15 PM
Are certain aspects of it unhealthy? Absolutely. Asphyxiation, water sports, scat, inability to draw a line between bedroom activities and non bedroom activities, in my view, is taking it to an unhealthy extreme. I agree with you, people shouldn't assume a sexual act that they (or most) do not partake in is unhealthy. I think the only thing unhealthy about ANY sexual acts would be if set limits were not being respected, which essentially would be abuse. Now concerning the quote above. What makes consensual whipping, fisting or nipple play healthier than consensual watersports, scat etc... if they all bring the same kind of pleasure to the people who practice them?

MadDog1974 Joined Mon 01/26/15 Posts: 5942	Wed 02/25/15 01:22 PM
Why is no one considering the different degrees of BDSM? Those opposed are mostly assuming that it's all or nothing and a total 24/7 freak fest. For some people, it is. For most, it's not. BDSM can be as simple as handcuffs and a blindfold, but otherwise vanilla sex. It can also involve the complete dungeon. Quite often, the submissive is submissive because their daily life requires them to be dominant, so they want someone else to take charge. The last woman I was with liked her hair pulled, but that was the extent of her kinkiness. I've also known women who like things farther up the scale. Do you realize how often that "perfect" couple next door with the well rounded children and are pillars of the community are into BDSM? You may even trust them with your own children. This isn't an all or nothing deal, which is why to say as a blanket statement that it's wrong or unhealthy is inaccurate. Are certain aspects of it unhealthy? Absolutely. Asphyxiation, water sports, scat, inability to draw a line between bedroom activities and non bedroom activities, in my view, is taking it to an unhealthy extreme. But to say as a blanket statement that it's wrong because you don't like is just as wrong as if someone who loves it says you are wrong because it's not for you. I don't really consider the occasional use of a blindfold or handcuffs or scarves to tie someone up, to be BDSM. That's just vanilla people having slightly kinky sex. Wanting your hair pulled is not BDSM either. I agree that those opposed seem to think it's a 24/7 all or nothing thing. I think this lack of understanding and often judgmental views, is one of the main reasons why ppl don't easily speak up about BDSM. Why bother when you know full well what you're doing, what it's about, and have a good insight in the emotional & psychological workings of it all, and ppl aren't even willing to try and understand. My point is, those basic things are on the spectrum. Most of us, to one degree or another, like some form of BDSM, but so many people have the misconception that it's a constant 24/7 Master/slave situation or nothing at all. For those who are into it, as long as you're only inflicting pleasurable pain, more power to you. For those who are not into it, it really is as simple as you don't have to do it.

JOHNN111 Joined Wed 05/13/09 Posts: 9273	Wed 02/25/15 01:23 PM
I don't really consider the occasional use of a blindfold or handcuffs or scarves to tie someone up, to be BDSM. That's just vanilla people having slightly kinky sex. Wanting your hair pulled is not BDSM either. This^^^^^ When discussing full on BDSM, let's just assume there's Pain/humiliation involved, maybe even blood/Urine/Feces... A corporate CEO who on his free time is in diapers getting his nutsack kicked in is not my idea of healthy no lol I'm good with pretty much everything else but BDSM thx

joethebricky Joined Sat 08/04/12 Posts: 12740	Wed 02/25/15 01:23 PM
Are certain aspects of it unhealthy? Absolutely. Asphyxiation, water sports, scat, inability to draw a line between bedroom activities and non bedroom activities, in my view, is taking it to an unhealthy extreme. I agree with you, people shouldn't assume a sexual act that they (or most) do not partake in is unhealthy. I think the only thing unhealthy about ANY sexual acts would be if set limits were not being respected, which essentially would be abuse. Now concerning the quote above. What makes consensual whipping, fisting or nipple play healthier than consensual watersports, scat etc... if they all bring the same kind of pleasure to the people who practice them? I would worry about the safe word becoming confusing, especially if she was Chinese

MadDog1974 Joined Mon 01/26/15 Posts: 5942	Wed 02/25/15 01:25 PM
I don't really consider the occasional use of a blindfold or handcuffs or scarves to tie someone up, to be BDSM. That's just vanilla people having slightly kinky sex. Wanting your hair pulled is not BDSM either. This^^^^^ When discussing full on BDSM, let's just assume there's Pain/humiliation involved, maybe even blood/Urine/Feces... A corporate CEO who on his free time is in diapers getting his nutsack kicked in is not my idea of healthy no lol I'm good with pretty much everything else but BDSM thx Making that assumption is the problem and not helpful to advancing the discussion. You are assuming it's the extreme or nothing. That's just not the case.

JOHNN111 Joined Wed 05/13/09 Posts: 9273	Wed 02/25/15 01:33 PM
Making that assumption is the problem and not helpful to advancing the discussion. You are assuming it's the extreme or nothing. That's just not the case. Someone above us who knows much about it, just made a point about not lumping "Kink" with "BDSM" and you're talking about mixing it all in one... that's advancing the subject? Right!

MadDog1974 Joined Mon 01/26/15 Posts: 5942	Wed 02/25/15 01:44 PM
Making that assumption is the problem and not helpful to advancing the discussion. You are assuming it's the extreme or nothing. That's just not the case. Someone above us who knows much about it, just made a point about not lumping "Kink" with "BDSM" and you're talking about mixing it all in one... that's advancing the subject? Right! It is a very broad spectrum that can range from the severe to the mild. Severe pain and bodily fluids don't have to be part of it. You are the one who made the statement assuming it's all or nothing. It's not. And to not acknowledge the broad spectrum of BDSM perpetuates the ignorance about it.

JOHNN111 Joined Wed 05/13/09 Posts: 9273	Wed 02/25/15 02:06 PM
I'm aware of the broad spectrum you're talking about... For the sake of discussion, We thought we might compartmentalize it. See I don't view her wearing latex standing over me as BDSM until she smacks me with that whip of hers or tells me to bark like a dog lmao How bout this?... If you use the lingo, top, bottom, sub, dom, vanilla, swtch and a few more i don't know, you probably associate yourself with that lifestyle

Tatilove Joined Fri 10/01/10 Posts: 243	Wed 02/25/15 02:12 PM
Are certain aspects of it unhealthy? Absolutely. Asphyxiation, water sports, scat, inability to draw a line between bedroom activities and non bedroom activities, in my view, is taking it to an unhealthy extreme. I agree with you, people shouldn't assume a sexual act that they (or most) do not partake in is unhealthy. I think the only thing unhealthy about ANY sexual acts would be if set limits were not being respected, which essentially would be abuse. Now concerning the quote above. What makes consensual whipping, fisting or nipple play healthier than consensual watersports, scat etc... if they all bring the same kind of pleasure to the people who practice them? I would worry about the safe word becoming confusing, especially if she was Chinese haha I see how it can be an issue with someone who has an accent. Maybe choose a word the sub can pronounce properly.

joethebricky Joined Sat 08/04/12 Posts: 12740	Wed 02/25/15 02:14 PM
I don't really consider the occasional use of a blindfold or handcuffs or scarves to tie someone up, to be BDSM. That's just vanilla people having slightly kinky sex. Wanting your hair pulled is not BDSM either. This^^^^^ When discussing full on BDSM, let's just assume there's Pain/humiliation involved, maybe even blood/Urine/Feces... A corporate CEO who on his free time is in diapers getting his nutsack kicked in is not my idea of healthy no lol I'm good with pretty much everything else but BDSM thx Making that assumption is the problem and not helpful to advancing the discussion. You are assuming it's the extreme or nothing. That's just not the case. I thought John was just simply saying it's not for him. But talking about assuming, I've just read what you said to the young lady Newbie - the post is called Hellen

Tatilove Joined Fri 10/01/10 Posts: 243	Wed 02/25/15 02:14 PM
Are certain aspects of it unhealthy? Absolutely. Asphyxiation, water sports, scat, inability to draw a line between bedroom activities and non bedroom activities, in my view, is taking it to an unhealthy extreme. I agree with you, people shouldn't assume a sexual act that they (or most) do not partake in is unhealthy. I think the only thing unhealthy about ANY sexual acts would be if set limits were not being respected, which essentially would be abuse. Now concerning the quote above. What makes consensual whipping, fisting or nipple play healthier than consensual watersports, scat etc... if they all bring the same kind of pleasure to the people who practice them? This was addressed to you MadDog

no1phD Joined Tue 01/07/14 Posts: 27442	Wed 02/25/15 02:15 PM Edited by no1phD on Wed 02/25/15 02:18 PM
there is a woman on here I would just love.. to have her dominate. over me. ..my.god... she could put me on a collar and leash.... lead me around the house on all. fours... use me as a footstool...mmm.... bend me over the kitchen table... with my chaps on.. .. nothing else..... and spank my buttocks with a ping pong paddle... ..... just because I over salted the spaghetti water...mmmmm..... ....... must sit down now blood is rushing from my head... feeling dizzy..

MadDog1974 Joined Mon 01/26/15 Posts: 5942	Wed 02/25/15 02:18 PM
I'm aware of the broad spectrum you're talking about... For the sake of discussion, We thought we might compartmentalize it. See I don't view her wearing latex standing over me as BDSM until she smacks me with that whip of hers or tells me to bark like a dog lmao How bout this?... If you use the lingo, top, bottom, sub, dom, vanilla, swtch and a few more i don't know, you probably associate yourself with that lifestyle Apparently I misunderstood what you were saying earlier. My basic point all along has been that this is something that is enjoyed by many people on various levels, and that most people are into BDSM on one level or another. That doesn't mean that most people want an abusive relationship or that they are mentally disturbed, as has been suggested by a few people on this thread. As soon as those who are opposed realize that it's not all or nothing, they may realize that they themselves probably enjoy aspects of it, and when those who are hard core into BDSM will stop being dismissive of anything less than ________ (fill in kink of your choice) as not being BDSM, it can stop being so scary to people who may otherwise be into it.

MariahsFantasy Joined Mon 11/28/11 Posts: 6593	Wed 02/25/15 05:48 PM
I don't really consider the occasional use of a blindfold or handcuffs or scarves to tie someone up, to be BDSM. That's just vanilla people having slightly kinky sex. Wanting your hair pulled is not BDSM either. This^^^^^ When discussing full on BDSM, let's just assume there's Pain/humiliation involved, maybe even blood/Urine/Feces... A corporate CEO who on his free time is in diapers getting his nutsack kicked in is not my idea of healthy no lol I'm good with pretty much everything else but BDSM thx And I was referring the entire spectrum of the lifestyle including everything that's involved. It be gross for me. Not turned on by any of it. Sorry I had to laugh a little bit at the ones who full on volunteer to get their genitals kicked in. Isn't that what men avoid from anybody with a functioning limb? yowza

Amelinng Joined Tue 08/12/14 Posts: 1547	Wed 02/25/15 06:03 PM
Are certain aspects of it unhealthy? Absolutely. Asphyxiation, water sports, scat, inability to draw a line between bedroom activities and non bedroom activities, in my view, is taking it to an unhealthy extreme. I agree with you, people shouldn't assume a sexual act that they (or most) do not partake in is unhealthy. I think the only thing unhealthy about ANY sexual acts would be if set limits were not being respected, which essentially would be abuse. Now concerning the quote above. What makes consensual whipping, fisting or nipple play healthier than consensual watersports, scat etc... if they all bring the same kind of pleasure to the people who practice them? I would worry about the safe word becoming confusing, especially if she was Chinese UUhhhHHH........Master Joe, you call??? Me Chinese, no understand! Say what???

Amelinng Joined Tue 08/12/14 Posts: 1547	Wed 02/25/15 06:05 PM
Coming from a region that is more conservative and not as open with our sexual preferences, BDSM is sort of a 'taboo' subject. So, we keep our kinky stuff behind locked, bolted doors, and blacked out windows..... ohhhh, better get the walls sound proofed, as the houses here share walls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pansytilly Joined Mon 06/09/14 Posts: 11310	Wed 02/25/15 06:20 PM
Coming from a region that is more conservative and not as open with our sexual preferences, BDSM is sort of a 'taboo' subject. So, we keep our kinky stuff behind locked, bolted doors, and blacked out windows..... ohhhh, better get the walls sound proofed, as the houses here share walls!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was about to say that ^^^^ .... Hush hush...

Estelle79 Joined Thu 09/11/14 Posts: 1452	Wed 02/25/15 10:12 PM
I also think it's not for me and it's funny how people are offended by my aversion to pain and belittling, and then they go on to belittle me saying I just don't get it so my opinion is invalid. I have an aversion to anything that misogynistic, sorry if that offends anyone, yeah right, not sorry at all! If it's legal and you enjoy being treated with no respect or decency that's one thing, but don't expect others to respect you when you don't respect yourself.

MadDog1974 Joined Mon 01/26/15 Posts: 5942	Wed 02/25/15 10:24 PM
I also think it's not for me and it's funny how people are offended by my aversion to pain and belittling, and then they go on to belittle me saying I just don't get it so my opinion is invalid. I have an aversion to anything that misogynistic, sorry if that offends anyone, yeah right, not sorry at all! If it's legal and you enjoy being treated with no respect or decency that's one thing, but don't expect others to respect you when you don't respect yourself. If you hadn't droned on and on, incorrectly, about how it's a form of rape and domestic abuse, at least for me, this whole discussion would have gone a lot differently. But you insisted that only you know the right answer. If it's not for you, that's ok. You don't have to do it. But many people who do engage in this have remarkably normal and vanilla lives except for sexually. But your judgmental attitude and unwillingness to accept that people may dare to disagree with you is very off putting. There are many levels, but you assume certain things. If you would do that less and arm yourself with more facts and have not as many knee jerk reactions, and be willing to consider that maybe someone else might actually know something, you will be better able to make an intelligent argument, and you may even be a happier person.