A guy and girl get together. In the beginning they talk about "deal breakers". The girl says that one of her deal breakers is use of cocaine. She is against it. He was formerly jailed for it.

He agrees. They stay together happily for 7 years.

One day she finds out that he has been smoking crack(cocaine). She finds out from a mutual friend, and the boyfriend denies it. Remember, this was a deal breaker.

The girlfriend is very upset about this...She then ends up sleeping with another guy.

This relationship ends about 2 years later after trying to work through everything. The boyfriend couldn't get over the cheating. It was impossible to go back to the way things were.

In your opinion, whose fault was the breakup of the relationship?

both

It was both their faults as you've described.

Cocaine is a deal breaker, cheating is a deal breaker.

She should have ended the relationship over the coke, first.

The cocaine was a deal breaker, so the relationship was technically ended. When she cheated, it was already over. They both still decided to try and work things out, but there was too much to work out. I feel it was the guys fault entirely.

He should have ended the relationship before the coke....FIRST.

He should have mentioned his cocaine use in the first place...the story would have gone differently by being upfront rather than deceive her about it...

But if the situation is there already and they wanted the relationship ended, even if crack was the deal breaker, they should both have closure and agree to end the relationship properly. But if they agreed to stay together, and the girl cheated, then the girl would have been at fault too, by this time... Can't fix a relationship by making another mistake.

Seems like they both may not have wanted the relationship in the first place... Or they were just not ready for it yet.

If they still want to be together, each would have to acknowledge their own mistakes ,and they would need to forgive each other, regardless the reasons for their mistakes...

I have to leave for work. I would appreciate any comments or opinions today as I'm curious how everyone looks at this.

This is kind of a personal story.....

Between the two of them,
neither of them was a grown up.


If the coke ended the relationship,
what possessed her to stay in the relationship, after it was over?

Why look for who to blame? Chit happens, relationships bloom, relationships end. That's life. Does it make her feel better if she can blame him? Does it hurt less if he can blame her? The relationship is over. Deal with it.
Maybe they should never have gotten involved to begin with, as he probably knew upfront he couldn't keep himself from using coke. But then they wouldn't have had 7 good years either...
All I see wrong, is not communicating and/or miscommunicating. One of the main reasons relationships end anyway, even when there is no cheating or drugs involved.
Looking for blame does no one any good, such a shame everyone always needs it. Take responsibility for your own crap, learn and move on.

there are sooo many concerning elements in this statement...

but, crystal's statement is of great value.
it's probably best to look within to gain what insights will allow positive forward growth, rather than seeking to justify actions and/or mistakes made in the past.

Hers. If she chose to stay after finding out about the drug use then the relationship was still ongoing. She broke it by her infidelity.

Basha,

based on the logic you're using,
It would be justifiable for me to cheat, if I were in a relationship with an alcoholic. Since, I consider chronic drunkenness to be a "deal breaker".

Who cares?! They're both idiots.

.. he broke his word
she broke his trust..
he does a little recreational powder..
. and she runs off and nails another dude..nice

I concur with this.. they're both at fault.. and she should have definitely ended it when she discovered his coke habit! two wrongs don't make it right!

When I was first dating my ex, she asked why I didn't drink.
I flat out told her I was an alcoholic, sober 14 years at the time.
I also explained to her that my sobriety wasn't guaranteed, and
I could possibly drink again. She said if I ever did, we would be over.
I said 'deal'. We had an understanding.
In the end, it may have been worth drinking again.

it's all on the mutual friend (and how did the mutual friend know, similar coke habit maybe?) the relationship was working(him as a functioning addict, her as an enabler) until this johnny whistle-blower stuck his/her nose in a business he/she had no vested interest in

wonder if the stool pigeon was a guy and she ended up cheating with him. i guarantee i guarantee that if don't have anything good to say you should stfu. if the relationship was going to go the way of the titanic, it would have gone there without the help of the mutual friend

(bulldog double guarantee - patent pending)

Yeah to be honest they both are at fault. He broke her trust when He started doing drugs again, and she broke his trust when she cheated on him.

Regardless of the severity of each action it is a sad series of events.

In a nutshell, the best answer yet!

This is my opinion. Do not believe a word I am saying. There is big neon sign before this post saying:

"Do Not Believe Me!".

The trust in the relationship was broken by the actions of both parties. They have shared responsibility (blame) for that.

The story has a huge gap in continuity. I believe it is implied there was some attempt to rebuild the trust over a period of 2 year. This demonstrates a desire to sustain the relationship. That failed based upon the actions that precipitated the rebuilding.

Both persons should be commended for showing the other their commitment to sustaining the relationship. Your request appears to be an attempt to find a way to justify the actions of either of the parties involved. At this point, that serves only a selfish interest. The lesson is never to break the trust as it is the basis for any relationship.